My Dependancy on the Man

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic


I write a lot about the struggles I have had with drug abuse, however I never really write about the progress I have made in these last few years. I tend to write about the difficulties I still
face. The following is a piece I wrote that depicts the everyday experience of many addicts and how this part of my life as an addict is gone and proud I am of myself for not having to live this
anymore.


As I wake up every morning I try to be thankful on the obstacles that I have overcome. One of the ones I am most proud of is waking up in the morning and not depending on some asshole (the man as I would call him), as in "The man is outside" or "I'm still waiting on the man".

Some asshole that makes his living off of you but still treats you like you're less than garbage. You definitely feel like you're bothering "him" every time you call, even though they always answer your first call with "I'll be there in an hour".

But that is rarely the case.

It has been an hour.
So you call again. On the other line an angry man will shout at you telling you that "you are not the only junky in this town and to wait your turn" and then tell you that he will be there in an hour.

Another slowly passes by, with you looking at the clock every moment because even if you try to distract yourself, all you can think about is when your drugs are coming to your door. As you cry out in pain, you reach for your phone and call again, calling an hour later on the dot, not a minute less or a minute more. On average by then they will get to you.

But don't you forget there are always the days where you call that hour later and they tell you "Oh shit bro, sorry I forgot about you" and tell you that they wont be reaching your hood for a while.

Sure waiting two, three, four, five hours or more isn't the everyday but it happens one hundred times more often than them even getting to you within two hours. Oh, and don't forget you call every morning, when your withdrawal symptoms kick your sick body awake.

Why didn't you get enough yesterday so that you would have enough for tomorrow and not go through this every day of your life, or better yet buy for the week?

A sensible question.

However, most of the time the answer is simply because whatever you got that day will always be finished by the end of your day. You are lucky if you have even a small hit left to calm your every growing withdrawal symptoms.

But eight out of ten times you wont even have that, and you'll be shooting water that you put in your little baggie from yesterday to absorb any small grain that was left behind, smaller than even the tiniest pinch of salt.

With your money in your hand, as you wait for the man.

Every time I relapse I am reminded of this time and time again. One day I hope I never have to wait again. But I am so grateful that this happens about once a month, and not every single day of my life.


Submitted: January 12, 2018

© Copyright 2021 whispersinthewind. All rights reserved.

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