The night that destroyed me.


I want to use something to diminish the pain

As you did with alcohol and drugs

I want to take care of myself by neglecting my responsibilities

As you neglected your wife and children for another woman and your friends.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs

As you did in my mother’s face as you called her dead grandmother a whore

I want to blow up

As you did when you lost your temper and crossed a line

I want to release my anger and punch something

As you flung your arms and hands towards us in a crazed frenzy

I want to smash something to smithereens

As you did the glass dresser and memorial belongings

I want to feel a physical force to distract me from my emotional pain

As you felt when your body hit that wall

I want to throw away these thoughts

As you threw the wooden panel inches from my head

I want to crawl into my bed, shut the door, and forget everything that has happened

As you did after we fled the room in complete terror

I want this to never have happened with my entire being.

However.

I will not diminish the pain

I will not neglect my responsibilities

I will not scream at the top of my lungs

I will not blow up

I will not release my anger and punch something

I will not smash anything to smithereens

I will not feel a physical force to distract me from my emotional pain

I will not throw away these thoughts

I will not crawl into my bed, shut the door, and forget…

I will not be like you.

 


Submitted: January 14, 2018

© Copyright 2022 rosyrainylovestory. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Spyguy

Wow! A terrifying experience you describe here! I pray that you & the innocents in your family are all ok! I pray for the guilty to learn from their mistakes & to find a way to make recompense to the poor innocent victims of their actions! I pray for your future!

Sun, January 14th, 2018 11:36am

Author
Reply

I greatly appreciate the kindhearted words, thank you

Sun, January 14th, 2018 9:08pm

rrwrites0

Such a beautiful poem! I'm so sorry for everything you went through and I hope you are doing okay. It shows strength to share something like this.

Sun, January 14th, 2018 2:28pm

Author
Reply

I truly appreciate your consideration, thank you :)

Sun, January 14th, 2018 9:30pm

hullabaloo22

The horror and the terror and the desire to react and fight.....And the self-control. Well-composed and emotional read. Well done.

Sun, January 14th, 2018 8:23pm

Author
Reply

Thank you!!

Sun, January 14th, 2018 9:27pm

rosyrainylovestory

Thank you all for the feedback and support, truly happy I have a safe place to share this

Mon, January 15th, 2018 4:33am

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