Farewell Father

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic


The night that destroyed me.

Submitted: January 13, 2018

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Submitted: January 13, 2018

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I want to use something to diminish the pain

As you did with alcohol and drugs

I want to take care of myself by neglecting my responsibilities

As you neglected your wife and children for another woman and your friends.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs

As you did in my mother’s face as you called her dead grandmother a whore

I want to blow up

As you did when you lost your temper and crossed a line

I want to release my anger and punch something

As you flung your arms and hands towards us in a crazed frenzy

I want to smash something to smithereens

As you did the glass dresser and memorial belongings

I want to feel a physical force to distract me from my emotional pain

As you felt when your body hit that wall

I want to throw away these thoughts

As you threw the wooden panel inches from my head

I want to crawl into my bed, shut the door, and forget everything that has happened

As you did after we fled the room in complete terror

I want this to never have happened with my entire being.

However.

I will not diminish the pain

I will not neglect my responsibilities

I will not scream at the top of my lungs

I will not blow up

I will not release my anger and punch something

I will not smash anything to smithereens

I will not feel a physical force to distract me from my emotional pain

I will not throw away these thoughts

I will not crawl into my bed, shut the door, and forget…

I will not be like you.

 


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