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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Just a very short attempt at descriptive writing, feel free to critique.

Two strangers, alone in a grey world of indifference; both searching something that cannot be gauged or quantified. Something lost, something misshaped in a realm called futile dreams.

In their search for the inaccessible, in their quest for the inconceivable, they found something unexpected.

They found each other.

She was resplendent, a reflection on the still waters of a royal lake. He was a cold breeze, a gust of air that disturbed her calm reflection. The ripples sparkled in the light of the summer skies, sending waves of desire through their emaciated hearts.

For a time, they fulfilled one another’s yearning for affection. It was an age of abundance, an era of dandelions blissfully floating through the air, oblivious to the dry soil beneath them. Two strangers had become two friends, and two friends had become two lovers. 

She painted a picture of him, a splendid spectrum of colour and elegance, but the portrait faded over time. She fiercely tried to replace the colour which had been lost to the elements, but all the alterations could not replicate what she hoped to see. The picture was ruined.

The breeze picked up, becoming a gale force wind, the reflection on the once calm waters warped and contorted the pristine reflection.  The lovers became fighters as they struggled to hold on to the memory of an age long passed.

They had to let go.

She held her hands up in shameful surrender, she could not fight for a cause she no longer believed in. He held on stubbornly. The weight of rejection sucked every feeling of elation from his deserted being until he could no longer feel what he was holding on to.

The two strangers sunk into the grey world they’d once escaped from, never to resurface again.

Submitted: January 15, 2018

© Copyright 2021 Venator. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:



This is excellent. I love the use of 'he' and 'she', something I use sometimes. Beautiful description, the serenity disturbed by the storm, but very sad too. Brilliant work!

Tue, January 16th, 2018 9:19pm


Thank you so much! That means a lot; especially coming from you. I've read a few of your poems and stories and I've enjoyed all of them.

Tue, January 16th, 2018 11:48pm

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