An Indian Adventure?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: CLOG


A short, true-life, light-hearted look at being ill on holiday in India.


So, another Goan adventure draws to a close.
'Adventure?' Perhaps that's an exaggeration. The word prompts thoughts of conquering the unknown; of searching out new experiences, or even perhaps legging it with an ancient relic tucked under your sweaty armpit whilst evading a multitude of jaggy-edged booby- traps, set by the Guardians of the Dead to a previously unknown civilisation.

In actual fact, the most exciting and adventurous thing I did, was bare my arse to a hitherto unknown Indian chap who promptly thrust an anti-biotic laden needle into the muscle mass of my glutes.

Being unwell on holiday is ... well, a complete bummer.

Never-the-less, if you are going to be ravaged by a mucus-soaked chest infection, Goa is the place to be. You may well feel like shit, but you certainly won't feel out of place since it seems every taxi driver you hire is partial to the odd roar of gargling phlegm.

And, on the plus side, should you fall victim to ill health, appropriate medication is easily had in the local village at the the rather decrepit looking pharmacy. And for a mere fraction of the price you'd pay in England, too.

Of course, with free prescriptions in Scotland, us Scots are outraged at having to pay 325/- (@ £4.22) for enough amoxicillin, levobalt, paracetamol, & cough syrup to undercut a chain-smoking Venezuelan drugs baron.

But needs must.

Most Goans speak English as well as their native Konkan, but the most effective means of conveying your illness to the dispenser, is to demonstrate your ailments. A simple cough, protruding your tongue or tearing slices of dead skin from you sunburnt forehead usually results in the grumpy, wizened old pharmacist scampering up an unstable ladder to reach the outer limits of his stock.

I will never fathom how he knows where to find a specific unbranded white box of drugs, incidentally each of whose name comprises a minimum sixteen letters and sounds like a Polish shot putter's under arm deodorant . But he does, & that's all that matters.

A word of caution though: active demonstration of Delhi Belly is to be discouraged. It's considered rude and unnecessary in these parts, and rather than meds, you are only likely to be handed a shovel.

BUT THAT'S ALL BY THE BY.

Goa is a colourful and magical place. The Heritage Village Club at Arossim, its staff and guests, even more so. Nothing is too much trouble, and even though I effectively lost over half my fortnight holiday through feeling unwell, it was heartening to see how concerned and attentive the staff ( & fellow guests) were.

I thank you all. It's been a pleasure spending the past two weeks with you. I will, of course, completely understand you not reciprocating the sentiment if come Tuesday, your wheezing lungs are similarly filled with green, sticky stuff.

So that's it - I'm home in Scotland now. And still coughing.

Right now, though, I'm going to get some shut-eye. For tomorrow morning means an early start as I'll be straight off down to Boots the Chemist, dropping my kecks and demanding a free jag in the bum.

Wish me luck.


Submitted: January 16, 2018

© Copyright 2021 Cee Tee Jackson. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Sue Harris

Just read it through again, Colin. You know I love your sense of humour, and this is no exception. I think you should stand in for Jeremy Clarkson when he's unable to write his column. You are hilarious.

Tue, January 16th, 2018 8:27pm

Author
Reply

Ha Ha! Thank you Sue. I do like reading his books, I have to say. And I do have a small collection of half prepared pieces in a similar style, with a view to producing a 'Rambling Man' compendium some day. Maybe.
Thanks again for your kind comment. :) x

Wed, January 17th, 2018 1:05am

moa rider

Entertaining and so familiar Cee Tee. Seven years in Tanzania taught me about all that and self protection - lots of rules like not eating salads because you can't trust the water the lettuce has been washed in. And then there were the drugs from India that were ninety percent chalk. Usianguke

Wed, January 17th, 2018 8:09pm

Author
Reply

Cheers.
Been to India eight times now and never had a dickie tummy. And nether have I missed a day's work through illness in over fifteen years. Ironically, I seem to have had the UK flu bug lingering before setting out and it erupted when there. Typical!

Thanks for taking time to comment. Appreciate it

Wed, January 17th, 2018 12:21pm

Celtic-Scribe63

A good light hearted look at holiday ailments. It reminded me of my time in Egypt where I was subjected to the Pharaoh's curse and consequently couldn't move without shitting myself. Perhaps I might put pen to paper and write of my own squirty bottom experience.

Mon, September 3rd, 2018 8:59am

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