To the girl who should still be by my side

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic


A note for someone who should still be next to me. 

Do you remember that summer afternoon, we were sitting outside and you had just found out your dad passed away. I'll never forget those tear stained cheeks, the sound of vomit hitting the toilet bowl, the shrieks that came outta your pretty mouth because you just couldn't hold it together. I've never seen you cry so much before. 

Do you remember that one morning, it was 1:47 am on a Wednesday. I was weak, couldn't talk or move without throwing up. I called you and all I could make come out was "I need you" by the time you had gotten there I had thrown myself into the bathtub and had the ice cold water running on me. You tried everything to warm me up and get my heart to stop racing. I've never seen you so calm before

Do you remember that one night on November 20th when someone called you and said I tried committed suicide. I don't remember that night but someone told me that your face went white when they told you I had swallowed a bunch of pills and didn't feel like I deserved to be on this planet anymore. You stayed with me for 2 weeks making sure I wouldn't do it again. I've never seen you so brave. 

Do you remember that one day in the springtime when we went to that tattoo shop and got matching tattoos? We swore to love each other to the moon and back no matter what.. I've never seen you so unsure before ..

Do you remember that one time my mom was in the hospital? You drove all the way to Portland and stayed for a week because you knew I was a mess and couldn't handle my mom being in so much pain and so much going on. I've never seen you so optimistic before. 

Do you remember that one time in the winter when you and my ex started dating. I do. It was a knife to my heart. I remember calling you and you said "it's not a big deal" I've never seen you so untrustworthy before.. 

Do you remember that one time I called you and begged for your friendship back? I needed you. More than you needed me. You were my back bone. You were my saving grace. We sat in that parking lot of Walmart for what felt like forever, reminiscing. I've never seen you so happy before. 

Do you remember that one time I called you crying because the boy that I loved had turned me black and blue. And I was emotionally bruised. I couldn't think straight. You were there. You came and got me and wiped my tears and fixed me up. You were upset  when I took him back because he had "changed" I've never seen you so heartbroken for me before because you knew I deserved more than empty promises and clenched fists that met my face. 

Do you remember that one time you decided our friendship wasn't worth it anymore. I don't recall what went wrong. I wasn't good enough. I didn't have enough money. I didn't have enough time. I didn't have anything. I needed you, and you fell back into her arms and left me to pick up the pieces once again. I've never seen you so lost before .. 

I've never seen you as the person to give up. To tell someone you're their forever and to always be there no matter what, and then just leave. 

Like it was nothing. 

I've never seen you as the person willing to risk good things in her life, for something so temporary. 

I've never seen you as this person, but I know who you really are. 

Maybe one day, we'll patch things up and start over. 

Maybe one day, you'll be my best friend again. 

But until then, I'll keep remembering. 

????


Submitted: January 19, 2018

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