HIM

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic


A short story I have written to explain my version of hopeless romance and a different concept of what Love is or should be .

Submitted: January 19, 2018

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Submitted: January 19, 2018

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Him

I know that most people find love at coffee shops, the kind of coffee shops that .not very many people know of , that only the few souls of the town buried themselves in had every smile , every desire , first date , first break up; the kind of love that could be found anywhere you destined it to . I believed , and still do believe that as long as you have an open heart, you’re able to love anyone. My first love was found in a bookstore, late in October. I loved the weather in months like this, cold, leaves falling. It made many people feel beautiful , the world just seemed so wonderful on evenings such as this. I was sitting, legs crossed and music blasting, as I hummed to the chorus of “Yellow” by Coldplay, and a rather compulsive, captivated book, The Book Thief, in my hands, gripped tightly. A book like this made me feel as if I were right next to Sophie Nelisse herself, giving me every detail of the horrid yet beautiful events that were created. As I turned page to page, my fingers touching each end of the leaf, a smile widening upon my face as I grew deeper into the story. I was unaware of my surroundings, I had zoned out until my feet were slightly kicked. As I looked up my eyes caught a young man. He had tripped, the books that he had carried was now against the ground . I had jumped up quickly, my small hands placing the book I was so interested in over my bag beside me. I pulled my earphones out of my ears before getting onto my knees and placing a finger over his broad shoulders.

“ I am so sorry , I didn’t notice I was in the way . Are you alright ? “
I said softly , my lips parting slightly , as I pushed the strands of hair away from my face. The boy looked up , pushing the frames on his face up from the bridge of his nose before parting his own lips,

“ Yes , of course . I apologize , I should have looked where I was going . “

And that’s how it started , short and sweet . After that day , as he picked his books up and stuttered slightly when talking to me . Looking up and around as he explained how he managed to trip , we grew close , faster than I had expected in the small time of our friendship . . I remember always thinking of him no matter what from that day forward . His eyes seemed so enjoyable , anyone who would look into them would be modified easily . They were so beautiful , and never would I thought those blue hazel eyes were to shed so many tears  His hair dirty golden , yet wonderful when running your fingers through it . His smile was the best part of his features . I would have been able to sit there and place my thumb upon his bottom lip and just stare and be glorified .  I remember writing down every little detail of us together in my small journal as if it was a person that I knew I could trust .

As months passed us , being together for so long was unbelievable . Not because we fought most of the time , or that there were times when we could barely stand each other's existence , but because I didn’t know that I was capable of loving someone as much as I did this prepossessing boy . A boy who believed that the sun was the only star in the dark night sky and the actual stars were just part of an image we all grew up on .  I didn’t realize how much I was going to trap myself in with him and his ways of being angry , loving and happy nor did I realize how much I was going to hurt when one of us finally decided to let go .. I didn’t love him , I was in love with him . And that scared me more than I have ever believed it would . I’m a hopeless romantic , who spends her time in romance no matter where it comes from ; Movies such as the Notebook and Books as portraying as Pride and Prejudice , small stories that are made up and things that comes from my travelling mind .
I grew up to my mother telling me that I was known to be naive and fell for people too much , gave them my all trust once they introduced who they were or believed every small saying that was spoken from their mouths .

It was early March . We had sat ourselves on the green grass at Woodrow Park , hand in hand . I hadn’t paid any of my attention to what he had been rambling about . My eyes were luring along the blue clear sky , listening to what I found deep and beautiful from the people around us . The laughing and rambling . Kids running and chasing each other . The older woman , sitting and humming a song as she sat upon the small park bench .  I felt a hard tap against my side as I furrowed my eyebrows and turned to the figure beside me .

“ Excuse me sir . “ I spoke gently , my lip pushed out slightly .

“ Did you hear anything I had just said ? “ he questioned me before turning his head sideways .

“ Of course I was . “

“ Is that so ? Alright , then repeat my last sentence.. “

I laughed , shaking my head . He knew that I wasn’t listening at all , and it wasn’t because I was not interested . If anything I was more than interested in the stories that he had told me . I admired watching the way his lips moved as he spoke about something that seemed so astounding to him . And how light and raspy his voice would become .

He moved his larger figure over me my back pressed against the ground and a large smile covering my face once I felt him put his legs on each side of my hips . I watched his every movement , it was weird but I liked to study his every position . As I have said many times before , every single thing that this boy did , was admired by me . To me , the things he did and said were admired and very well loved .

Like I said , we had amazing time together . 3 years to be exact , but forever isn’t a long time . Things happen , things change .
Soon , after finding someone whom he thought gave him more aspiration than I ; I began to push myself down . I hadn’t known what I did in order for him to leave without notice . I blamed myself and began to think that I would have never been good enough for him . What had I done wrong ? Was I not as beautiful as she ? What did I have to change ? For him to love me the way that I loved him .
As I asked myself these questions , begging myself to try and come up with something . I soon realized that it was not I . I was beautiful , independent . I loved myself no matter what anyone had to say , loving and kind to as many people as I could be . It was him that could not know my worth , him who would not open his eyes and see what kind of inspiring , astounding women that I could be , that I was .
He was handsome , young and carefree . The boy that was free and enjoyed writing on days that he couldn’t get out of bed , who held me when I couldn’t contain myself , or run his fingers through my short brown hair when I was feeling afraid , and whom took me on late night drives at 3 in the morning where I would push my legs to my chest in the passenger seat, lay my head back and face him; his eyes on the road and remembering, looking at him and thinking , Do you actually love this boy ? , but that question was answered whether I knew it or not , whether I liked it or not . I didn’t love this boy , I was in love … with a boy who was not mine much longer .

When I think of the word “ soulmate , “ I think of a best friend , but more . Someone who makes you want to be a better person . That one person who knew you better than anyone else and that’s who I was . Whom I thought myself to him .
You should have no worries , you should make sure that the person you’re with is breathing better than you were . That’s what I thought , but then I realized that love isn’t like that at all .

Love is beautiful and more .

The kind of love that you will desire everyday of your life with the same person , every second of your miserable , adventurous life . Love that drives you just a bit crazy . Going through ups and downs , crying and hating but getting through things together . Step by step , pacing . I could go on and on about what I believe real love should be like . But , I am naive and a hopeless romantic .
In time , I grew to love myself more; to admire myself a bit longer when I looked in the mirror , and too eat as much as I wanted without feeling unpleasant . I powdered my face as much as I pleased , took as many hours as I desired to look good before and when walking to the library with a coffee in my hand and my music blasting . Yellow , by Coldplay that is .
From that day on, I challenged myself . I pushed myself to not think of the boy that I admired so and to not compare myself to people who would never be better than me because , all in all , everyone was easily the same . Most just didn’t know how to open their hearts and minds to know just as much as others . Or to let go of what they thought was amazing when it wasn’t at all . While going through this time , I begin to register that not all people will think alike , not all will understand the same others do and not all can be as kind hearted and selfless than more. Some more than others, but I think that it  is alright because Life will take us through all patches of lessons and we’ll learn , little by little .

And I met that accomplishment, even after struggling . I believe that everyone should meet something similar to that . In anyway that was pleased , any way that you seem to desire .

In the end , I want to thank him . Thank him for all the amazing , wonderful memories he gave me . For all the times he pressed his soft lips against mine when I couldn’t make myself leave my house out of anxiety , and all of the times he yelled at me when he was frustrated with no one but himself . The time that he made me feel like no one would ever want me the way he did . Times where he made me cry and yell , scream and create negativity .

You made me realize that there's nothing more important in this world than being able to find yourself before knowing someone else will
I love the naive , hopeless romantic that I am .

Yours Truly,
Elizabeth


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