Lost

The steam condensed against the brim of my black and white polka dotted coffee mug. I ran my finger over the thin film of water and stared into blackness of my too hot coffee. The heat reminded me of the searing hot pain in my chest surrounding my cold heart. Ironic isn’t it? How something cold could be amidst flames yet frozen and still.
The images flashed through my head again. Her face. Her limp body. Her cold fingers. The bruises, cuts, scars. The blood. Lots and lots of blood. Everything dripping of her. Shivers ran down my spine as I tried to forget. Will I ever really forget what this pain feels like?
I gulped down the coffee heavily to avoid more images flashing across my mind.
*****
I stepped down on to the cold linoleum tiled floor. I pulled my turtle neck higher around my neck. I bit down on my lower lip till I tasted blood. The double doors swung open and in walked my father, his long steady strides startling me the same way it did 19 years ago. “Are you ready young lady?” he asked with a warm smile. I smiled back, not feeling a bit of my smile. “I guess….” my words trailed off. “Good” he said. “I got all of your stuff into the car” and with that he started towards the door.
I followed limply through the brightly lit hallways. People in wheelchairs gazed up at me like I wasn’t of their specie. I avoided eye contact by blindly staring into the back of my father’s head. When we were out of the hospital building, a chilly breeze ran across my face. I made my way to my father’s car and he lent me a hand to help me into the passenger’s seat. My father didn’t want me riding shot gun after what happened but since I insisted I wouldn’t hallucinate or traumatize myself with memories rather erased, he let me have my way.
We drove through the snow covered roads more slowly than often so in fear the tires would slip. I gazed out the window as the mist hung low on the afternoon sky. If the afternoons looked this dark and gloomy, what about nightfall? I thought to myself. The grey skies and rain clouds stretching for miles reminded me of my soul. So much good, so much light, so much to discover, yet hidden, void of exploration, all but empty space to the naked eye. I sighed and leaned my head against the window, soon drifting off to a sad sleep.
*****