darkness, my lover

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: January 23, 2018

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Submitted: January 23, 2018



Dear Night. 

It is a routine to stay awake for longer than I should, so I can meet you. 

It has become a ritual for me to wake up in early morning hours, so I can feel you.

Although I feel weak, my eyes feel heavy and my cold fingers writing this poem are giving up, I can't stop loving you. My body hurts and my heart aches, why am I doing this? I want to stop, I want to end it all, this hurts me. But I can't. Every time I want to quit, my body moves on its own, acts by itself. My eyes pop open during early hours, my mind screams, just so I won't sleep. Does my body need her that much? Do I need her that much?

I love you, you are my world, yet you won't look at me. None of my compliments come back, none of my sweet words repeat. Do they not reach your heart? Should I be louder, or perhaps should you be the one listening more carefully. Don't you hear that my cries of anguish are just pleads for help? Say something! Tell me, am I a fool, am I desperate, am I not good enough!? 

How could I ever be. You are the Night, you engulf us all while we don't move. My lover Night, my heart beats for you, my body wakes up even if it hurts! My days are longer and more painful, because I try ever so desperately. Is all of this futile? It hurts to think so.

It hurts to love, it hurts to hate, it hurts to stay in the middle. What for has my heart cheered for love, what for had my head written poems of sugar and honey, what for do my muscles shake when I finally get to meet you. The Night, colder than the Day, yet I stick to you. My eyes turned blind when you loved me, when I loved you. My ears went silent when I listened for you, when I quietly waited for you. My mouth went dry after I called you out, after I whispered sweet rhymes into your gentle ears.

Now, even when all I can look at is your back, I am still a blind fool, with deaf ears and a mouth with no words. I see, I was a fool before. Before I met you, were I like this? I need to ask. Who should I? Why even try if all I want is to talk to you! I want to break all these walls, smash all these hills, carry all your burdens, and yet, what for? 

My heart chose a difficult lover. My head gave you a throne, and you still sit somewhere else. 

The Night, this is my poem for you. I have loved you, I have cried for you, I have hated you. No matter what my brain said or my heart felt, I knew that all I wanted was you. Have I chosen a difficult lover.

You never answer, you never listen, you never give, all you do is take. Take me, piece by piece, my energy, my will, all plagued by you. Everyone said it, they all said, we should spend some time apart. Not some, but all I say! You can wrap your smooth arms around me all you want, coat me in all your comforting darkness, do what you want, scare me, make me scream and cry, but I will persist. Sorry, my mistress, my all, my world and the stars, we have made a great duo, yet we fall apart. Find another fool who will make you feel like everything that you are!

Now, I will find someone else, I will search for my muse, my angels and my devils. My world, take my heart again, let everyone see it, let them all hear the music it plays, let me find a special someone who will listen.

My dear love, I will seek you one day, catch you and hold on. 

Please, as I will do right by you, promise me one thing:

Don't be like my ever present,

lady Night.

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