When Grandpa got High

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


This is a funny story from an old man involving a memorable and intoxicating event from his youth.


Tim sat and listened attentively as his grandfather recalled events from his youth. The septuagenarian was a strange sight in house shoes, baggy trousers, and a plaid shirt. Tim admired the old man greatly. On this particular day, his grandfather, being quite full of himself, was going on and on about his days as a country-boy in the rural south.

"There was this weed that used to grow wild. We called it hemp," the silver-haired gentleman said as he smoked his pipe. "A bunch of us boys used to dry it out and smoke it. It made us laugh and laugh 'til we thought our sides would bust wide-open."

"Grandpa, that was marijuana," teen-aged Tim interjected informatively.

"Gawdammit it was hemp! I saw a lot of hemp in my day and I ain't never smoked no marijuana."

"OK. Grandpa." The  youngster did not wish to argue the point. He was intrigued by the discovery that his old-fashioned, Christian Grandpa had gotten high before. "How old were you then?"

"Oh, I was about twelve. We used to smoke that hemp for good laughs," he continued. "It made us act silly." He tapped the ashes in his pipe into the tray on the arm of his reclining chair. "One day some of us were out fishin' and we had some of that. We smoked a bunch in a pipe."

"Why did you kids have a pipe?" Tim asked.

"Well, we smoked tobacco. All of us did, since I was ten. Yep. We chewed too. Whenever we could get it." A couple of puffs on his pipe and he went on. "That stuff hit us really hard. We started cuttin' up and havin' a really good time. We were laughin' so hard we could hardly walk straight on the way back."

Grandpa paused long enough to clear his throat and sinuses. He leaned over and spit into a wastepaper basket. Tim was so happy to be with his beloved host that he found this scene only slightly revolting.

Grandpa recovered and began his tale again as he loaded another pipe with tobacco. "Well, there was a barbed-wire fence on the way back. It was low enough so you could step over it if you turned sideways like you were gettin' on a horse and held it under yourself as you did. When that fool Matt Jenkins got one leg a-straddle he broke out in a laughin' fit. He was just crazy runnin' back and forth from post to post hee-hawin' like a jackass the whole time. That hemp made him a laughin' fool." He chuckled at the thought.

"That must've been some ass-kicking shit," Tim thought to himself.

"His nut-sack was torn damn-near to shreds by that barbed-wire. He had to have stitches and he dam-near bled to death before we got him to a doctor."

Tim grimaced and crossed his legs in an effort to alleviate the imaginary discomfort he was experiencing. His grandfather, having finished his story, sat silently puffing. He seemed to be lost in thought. Perhaps he was remembering another event from his childhood. 

Tim was amused by the story. It would take years of medical research to reach a conclusion which Tim had found in an old man's anecdote. Tim had learned for certain that marijuana smoking can be harmful to the reproductive organs.

Ask Matt Jenkins.

 

 


Submitted: January 24, 2018

© Copyright 2021 Rick Starbridge. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Oleg Roschin

Ouch... Definitely harmful, in more than one possible way, or so it seems :() Nice story, Rick. Well-written and funny, though that part about Matt made me grimace as well :())

Wed, January 24th, 2018 6:55am

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Reply

Thanks for your feedback Oleg. Let's keep writing.

Thu, May 7th, 2020 8:34am

Tyrone Shoelaces

Mr. Starbridge, that's why they call it dope!

Sun, June 17th, 2018 6:38pm

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