Confessions of a psychopath

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Confessions of a psychopath

Submitted: February 04, 2018

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Submitted: February 04, 2018



Confessions of a psychopath

04/02 I think about it allot hurting myself hurting other, wondering if i could hurt someone without getting caught not those who are innocent but those whom deserve it like myself the sleezy the cheaters the abusers. I want them to experience pain as much as i want to feel the thrill of my knife dragging across there skin.

I know i need help the thing is its not that easy, how can i explain to someone what's going on in my mind not to mention the costs  how can anyone charge you so much just to simply speak to someone. I know i deserve to be locked up in a padded room where i am no longer a threat to myself or those around me.

Monday 05/02 Todays a tough one i have a job interview does anyone else find it hard trying to convince people you are right for the job when you know damn well your not. I feel like the slightest thing will set me off i dont want to be put under this sort of pressure especially in a panel interview. Im going to say something wrong or something stupid and im going to snap im going to start flipping table's and screaming. Im terrified ill hurt someone.

My mind in running wild while on the outside i remain calm. Im a very quiet person but my mind is never quiet im always thinking always listening. I never really let people in or get close to them because im scared ill hurt them. I let a girl in recently i became friend's with her as much as i am capable of.. she proved me wrong she upset me and angered me i think about it allot how i would like to see her head against the pavement but i must remain calm. I must hold it in, i fear for the day i will finally break.

Wednesday 07/02 I wish i wasnt crazy, i wish i was normal im tired of seeing things and hearing thing's i know cant be real and sending myself into a panic attack. Home alone tonight i was laying in bed i thought i heard something so i turned my fan off i heard distinctive yet soft footprints through my house. The creaking of the floorboards it rattled me i eventually got the courage to get up and see what was going on but there was nothing to be found.

Now im lying here trying not to have a panic attack. I need silence, i need to be able to hear the thing's around me and identify where that noise is coming from. Its a strange coping method but its all i can do to get through this. I constantly have to sleep with my pocket knife beside me because of my paranoia. I know it's not healthy but it's all ive got right now

Wednesday 14/2 I just want to snap again.. ive fucked everything up, i have no one to talk to anymore because ive realized i cant trust anyone. Everything is so messed up. I don't even know where to start.

I cant be bothered to add dates anymore

Today his girlfriend found out about me and him i dont know how to feel but i know now i cant be part of his life anymore

Finally calm myself down enough to lay down and watch a move and of course everyone wants to come back here and drink

We can barely afford to feed ourselves letalone eveyone she decides to bring home! I cant keep living like this

Day 2 of not eating or rather throwing up everything i do eat and i still dont feel hungry

I dont know what tp do how do i fix things how can i make her smile again when all i do is ruin things i dont know what to say or do

I wish these dreams would just stop.. i dont feel guilty or sad or angry but i know i should feel something instead i feel nothing

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