OCTOBER 12TH, 2017

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic


Love is the most beautiful feeling. Everybody describes love in a different way but in simple terms I may say LOVE is everything and once your in love, expect to experience anything on the way.

Submitted: February 05, 2018

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Submitted: February 05, 2018

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I always wondered how it could end, thought of anything that could seperate what was between us and for sure, there was nothing. I was confortable, most of all happy because I thought it was going to be a long and smooth ride. "Love is hope." It was easy for both of us to connect, as we had somethings in common. We didn't expect much from one another though love between us was growing stronger each and everyday that went by.

Days were longer than nights. I always got to meet Jan everyday during late evening, as both we were working day shifts and on top of that, we were sharing the same accommodation. For sure it was a smooth ride from the start, it was a perfect dream that I had never dreamed before. "Love is a dream." Few days after we met, Jan wrote a memo titled "Getting caught up in the feeling." I read it from her phone and I really got moved emotionally. I had to save a copy to remind myself how it all started, luckly enough she sent me a copy......

"Getting caught up in the Feeling; I cant say a saw it coming because in truth i dint....its all happening so fast, i mean who could have guessed that a would fall inlove so easily ...i dont know what it is about her that i cant shake off but she just completes me in every sense.

A will be deceiving ma self if a said i am not scared because this scares the hell out of me..buh what is love without taking a risk!? if it comes by so easily is it really worth giving ma time and energy into!? a believe good things come in with so much work n responsibilities and its upon us to give our very best to make them work.

All my life i have been known of doing stuff half way but for the first time in ma life a feel like a want to take up the challenge and go all the way through with her....a know there will be so many ups and downs but i am still willing to give it a chance i will not succumb to fear...and yeah a know i'm all new to this love stuff and there so many things i have to learn and a also know that im not that much of a good student but il give it ma best for her i am wiling to do the impossible...

A remember not long ago someone told me that a will end up alone if a dont learn how to loosen up, at that particular time it did not make any sense but now i understand what she ment....for me love has been a game and i have always considered ma self a good player given that i have never lost to anyone buh now a get, its not all about being a top player or always geting what you want the way you want it, No its more than that its all about creating a connection with someone,having that special bond and most ov all dedicating your self to making that person happy and thats what me and her share..."

Fire was burning, nothing could ever come between us. I heard stuff about Jan's past love life from haters but I didn't care; history is past and all I cared about was the present. Sometimes she got scared about I finding out and she opened up one at a time, I was there to listen, smile and hold her tight as all didn't matter because she was in my arms. I too told her about my history love life before knowing it from somebody else. "Love is understanding."

Before we become love birds whenever I found Jan, I always looked at her. It was not a crash but she reminded me so much of my Ex. Their physical apearance is almost the same more so, when I got to know about Jan's history life, for sure it's the same too. Jan's characters are fascinating, probably is the reason why I fell for her. I never told Jan about the resembless with my Ex and Its the only secrete I had kept from her, but its no more secrete now.

The relationship I had with Jan was not best on sex, its not that we didn't want to have sex though we did romance couple of times. We were abstaining untill the right time and more so Jan was asexual, sex wasn't her thing. "Love is not all about sex." That may sound weird but we were both comfortable about our sex life. some people may wounder who an asexual is but in simple terms, someone who doesn't like to be touched romantically and evenif you do touch them, they wont feel anything. Sometimes they do feel something but you have to try hard.

It all just happen in a snap of a finger, I didn't accept because it was weird untill now sometimes I feel it wasn't meant to happen but it happened anyway. It ended in a way I never expected, if only it wasn't long distance between us, she would still be in my arms. The way it all happened, Jan had to exit and come back to Dubai and on that day night before she travelled, she made a promised and told me " you're one of the reasons why am coming back to Dubai, am gonna come back for you Baby." That promise made me strong because I believed her word.

The eleven days she spent in her home Country Kenya each day that went by, was a year to me. I had never experienced long distance relationship before and it was pretty tough for me. "Love is patience and trust." Finally she travelled back to Dubai but this time had new job and different accommodation couple of miles away from mine but that wasn't a problem because I was goning to be seeing her during my off duty days. We were to figure it out all along the way.

Maybe all that she needed was some space and time to figure out how everything was going to work out again for both of us as she settles in the new environment but I screwed up. I kept on pestaring and probably suffocating her but I was missing her like crazy. She had too much to handle and had to drop some weight, thats me. "Love is sacrifies." I tried my best to get her back in my arms but a woman's NO most times is a NO with a full stop. All she said was;

"I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am that I hurt you.....I'm sorry I let you fall for me...I'm to blame and am sorry I can't do this NO more.....find it in your heart to forgive me and you have not lost me, you will always have a friend in me."

I became cold the moment I read that text, tears droped from my eyes. I was in public, raised my arm to the face, scratched my eyes in pretence as I wiped out the droping tears while working towards the washroom. I felt pain, too much pain that made me freeze and remember what she promised me before exiting Dubai and at the sametime she was breaking the promise. It was the first time someone to breakup with me, and it was so painfull. "Love is pain." In a reply I told Jan;

"I am cool gal..... no hard feelings....its probably me who is meant to be sorry for bothering and stressing you gal... hope you forgive me..... am cool being friends."

Jan replied: "Your not bothering me...a get how you feeling because its the same way I feel...this is not easy for me too... you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and that will never change...it hurts but its for the best....hope you pull through it all...."

I wish she told me all what she wanted was some space to figure out how everything is going to flow, I would have given it to her but not to cut me off just like that. She is all the best I ever had. I was alway comfortable around her, happy and smiling all the time. She is a family I formed and probably lost in Dubai. I am now back to square one; single and lonely but not ready to mingle. Its not that I don't want to move on as I see many gorgeous girls out there every single day and some show me interest but am just not ready to love again, atleast not now. I may try one night stand option though it has never been my game before but its probably better than being attached to someone and endup heart broken.

No single day goes by I don't think of Jan. Probably it will take time for my heart to move on, but she will always be my sweet little Mama. Since this year began I have never seen her and probably will never lay my eyes on her again though we still get in touch through mobile but barely, not like before.

Love is the most beautiful feeling. Everybody describes love in a different way but in simple terms I may say LOVE is everything and once your in love, expect to experience anything on the way.



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