Alex Stakes His Claim (Funny)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Alex found a new place for him and his family to settle.

Submitted: February 05, 2018

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Submitted: February 05, 2018



Alex had just arrived from ‘out of town’.  He and his family traveled a long way to get here, and he was happy the trip was over.  All that stood between him and his family's new life was a twelve-foot high stone wall.  The city they chose was perpetually warm, and, today was almost hot.  It wouldn't help with the job ahead.  He looked up one side and down the other of the street their new home was on, and waited until he was sure no one was looking.  He knew it would take only a few minutes for him to scale the wall, but setting up a system to lift his meager possessions, his pregnant wife, and his children up and over this last obstacle to their happiness would be more of a chore.  When the coast seemed to be clear, he threw a rope, with a grappling hook on it, over the top and tested it before beginning his climb.  It seemed secure, but failed under his full weight.  He ended up flat on his back; cracking his head on the sidewalk.  His horrified wife 'fussed' over him for a moment.  She was skeptical of this new home idea from the beginning, and wondered if it was worth risking their health over. 

Alex got up and comforted his travel-weary spouse, before turning his attention back to the task at hand.  After a few minutes of bashing his body against the stone, while pulling himself up the rope a few inches at a time, he finally reached the top the wall.  He kept low as he could, while looking out at the grand estate of one of America’s most famous movie stars.  It was quite beautiful, with trees as far as the eye could see, and a manicured lawn.  The lady was a legendary singer and actress.  She was a director, writer, producer; you name it, she had done it.  She was a great American success story, and a national treasure.  Alex did his homework when he planned out his family's relocation.  He knew that the property owner espoused positive views, when it came to welcoming people into the city; even if they went 'around' the normal, 'legal' entry process to do so.  It only made sense that it would be OK to live within the confines of her walls.  Alex was sure he picked the right place to establish his new residence.

After a couple of hours of hard work, and a few near misses, Alex managed to get his entire family, and his stuff, on the ‘green’ side of the fence.  They chose a secluded corner that was ‘secured’ behind an unusually thick concentration of trees on one side and, of course, the stone wall on the other.  It looked like the estate's grounds people had neglected the area for months.  The many lush trees would provide cover from the view of the main house, and, unless one of her employees actually came out to the quiet corner they settled in, no one would know they were there.  Alex only had a tent for his family to live in initially, but dreamed of building a small, more solid structure to better protect them from the elements. 

The next weeks were busy ones, as he enrolled his kids in the elementary school down the road, and got a job with a small landscaping company.  Alex was no stranger to hard work, and was happy to get the position.  Where his family came from, a fine job, like that one, would, in comparison, pay just pennies on the dollar. 

The only other obstacle Alex had to overcome was not being able to 'legally' work in his new city without the proper credentials.  Men, at his work, introduced him to a gentleman who sold fake ones.  He was happy that he would soon be able to apply for better jobs, and fit in with everyone else.  For now, the landscaping work would pay the bills.

Alex' family thrived, over the next few months, in their home on the outskirts of the American icon’s estate.  His wife and children learned the lay of the land, and were careful not to be discovered by the landowner or her employees.  Soon, other families from ‘out of town’ heard about this wonderful, new place; where a family could settle and feel at home.  Alex and his brood were happy to have new neighbors, but were concerned it would increase the possibility of the 'group' being discovered.  He knew that moving onto the estate wasn't legal, even with the land owner's generally 'liberal' viewpoint.  The working members of the other families took the necessary actions to gain new credentials; just like Alex. 

Unlike the original 'squatter', it didn't take long for them to seek an easier way to come and go from their new homes.  They tired of risking life and limb to traverse the stone barrier each time they needed to take their kids to school, or go shopping.  Slowly, over the course of two or three days, the men of some of the other families broke a hole through the wall.  Though he thought it risked their new community being exposed, Alex had to admit it was much more convenient, and safer than climbing the wall.  He had been building his 'home' a piece of plywood at a time, and it was beginning to look something like the place they lived in back in the town they came from.  It still wasn’t a house, or anything like that, but it kept getting 'nicer'. 

When Alex received his new identification, stolen from a recently deceased, eighty-year-old man, he got a job at a local construction company.  He was making much more money, though the owner, who checked on Alex’s actual 'credential' status, was paying him about fifty percent of what ‘legal’ workers were getting.  It was still plenty of money, and, with the 'under the table' sewing business his wife ran, they were doing well.

Then came the day, when everything seemed to begin to fall apart.  The ‘national treasures’ gardener discovered that Alex, and as many as eight or nine other families were living on her land.  Though, he was also 'from another town', he notified the police to remove the trespassers, and impose whatever fines their transgressions would call for.  Alex was very sad, as he and his family began to gather their belongings together.  It was getting a little cooler now and the baby was due in the next month or so.  His family was at their wit's end, and didn't know where they would go from here. 

Their fortunes seemed to change, however, when someone at the police station tipped the local media off, that a serious 'miscarriage of justice' was taking place in their corner of town.  Alex was nervous when a large group of protesters showed up at the hole in the wall.  He thought that the local citizens had decided to unite, and force the interlopers off of the land of their esteemed actress 'friend'.  To his surprise, the protesters were there to support those who decided to settle on someone else's land, and build a new life there.  Many of picketers talked to Alex about his rights, guaranteed him by the Charter of the city; a city that he didn't have any legal ties to.  They said that he should sue to force the landowner to do the right thing and give up the portion of land the 'Illegal Homesteaders' had squatted on.  He wasn’t a citizen of the town, and certainly had no ties to the movie star; other than he had trespassed on her land.  But, he was trying to build a better life for him and his family, and that made it alright.

The crowd chanted how it was morally wrong to force people, who were just trying to better themselves, out of their new homes.  The negative publicity affected several projects the actress (mogul) had 'in the fire', and was costing her a great deal of money.  Alex still wasn't sure how any of this was 'alright', and how it could possibly work out in his favor.  Almost immediately, after the protest videos went viral, lawyers from a national organization arrived at the scene.  They had already been to court to get an injunction granted.  It stated that all of the people, who were ‘camped out’ on her property, had sixty days to continue living there; pending a formal hearing to decide if, indeed, the interlopers had to leave.  It was based on the fact that they had successfully 'dodged' the star's staff for months. 

Other stars in the area had their properties watched extra carefully, after hearing about the mess the actress and her husband were going through.  The court immediately ruled in the ‘illegal homesteaders’ favor, and it would be years before the appeals would reach a court, that would do the 'right' thing and strike it down.  Everything that was going on emboldened Alex to finally begin building a more permanent structure for his family.  It seemed wrong, but the local system, and protesters, many of whom were shipped in from other towns, favored his needs over that of the town's citizens.  Unfortunately, the estates of some other movie stars and moguls, didn’t heighten their security, and soon, they had little ‘camps’ spring up on their properties.

After the news incessantly reported that the movie star was condemning innocent people to homelessness, and that she was hemorrhaging money because of the 'scandal', the  many, many ‘illegal homesteaders’, were emboldened further.  They joined the protests against the actress, and even filed a new lawsuit, based on her security people using undue force when they first tried to run the group off of the land owner's (formerly) 'private' property.  Though they weren’t even citizens of the town, and had no legal standing, their suit for emotional distress was allowed to proceed.  A judge ruled in their favor, and ordered that damages be awarded to all families involved.  Another stipulation of the suit was that the movie star must have her 'people' clear away annoying trees that were preventing the building of more structures to house the increasing amount of ‘misunderstood trespassers', who were coming to live on her estate.  After the rash of bad publicity, the prospect of a lengthy court battle, and the obvious disregard of her rights by the courts, the movie star relented to the ‘misunderstood trespassers' demands and dropped any appeals to the prior rulings. 

When Alex' son was born, on his legal aid attorney's advice, he gave him the same last name as the movie star.  The child was born, while his mother was a resident at the lady's address after all.  When mother and family were reunited, after the ‘city-funded’ birth of their new son, Alex walked up to the main house.  He was met by security, and they began to escort him back outside of the area the movie star had encircled with a fence, so no ‘undocumented settlers’ could move closer to her actual residence.  When the movie star saw him being forcefully removed, she thought better.  She was already being 'forced' to take down the fence, and, this encounter might also cause legal trouble for her.  She decided to meet with him.  They discussed the situation for twenty minutes or so, and agreed that she would provide whatever resources necessary to take care of Alex’s newborn son, because, he ‘took’ her last name after all.  For a while, a courier would bring enough food for the child’s entire family each day.  This support would last until the child was sent off to college; also at her expense. 

When the deliveries became cost ineffective, the movie star decided to, instead, provide all of 'her' 'undocumented settlers' with a credit card to take care of their expenses.  Before the winter set in, she even paid to have electrical services, and furnaces put into all of the 'shanties' located on her property, so the 'undocumented settlers' would be comfortable on chilly nights.

Over the course of a few years, the movie star became the sole provider for everyone 'squatting' on her property, due to all of the families 'adding' additional members to their broods.  All of the children born on her estate took her last name, so there wasn't much she could do about it.  She was spending hundreds of thousands of dollars taking care of these families.  All across the city, other actors and people of note were 'forced' to do the same.  Soon, the city adopted a policy that allowed the tentatively ‘coined’ ‘undocumented citizens’ to settle onto other estates, in the public park, and on farm land.  Sometimes protestors would gather and say that it wasn’t right that 'illegal settlers' were allowed ‘cart blanche’ to build homes and live anywhere they felt like; without any repercussions.  It seemed like any 'reasonable' person could understand why it was wrong.

More than a few careers, of people who held the ‘wrong’ opinion, were ruined over the course of a few years.  Whatever their beliefs happened to be, everyone learned NOT to express their opinion on anything, unless they closely coordinated it with the new 'correct thinking' offices that were added to the local government.  They were constantly busy running people, with ‘different’ opinions than theirs, out of town.  There were still people, though, who used bigoted terms like 'illegal settlers', and were suggesting that the city violate the basic human rights of upstanding, 'possibly' tax-paying 'citizens, who, unfortunately, lacked documentation'.

The mayor couldn’t get the city council to agree on how to grant legal status to these 'citizens, who, unfortunately lacked documentation'.  So, he created a document, from thin air, whereby all of these ‘so called’ 'citizens, who, unfortunately lacked documentation, through no fault of their own', were given 'standing' that equaled that of the ‘natural’ born (documented) town folk. 

Everything that had gone on for the last few years, or so, made Alex feel right at home on the award-winning actress' property.  One day, while the owner was on an extended vacation, he and the others, moved into the mansion.  Their 'mostly' unwilling benefactor had to relocate to the Presidential Suite at a hotel 'uptown'.  Real citizen's, who were not so fortunate (financially), would have to accept the fact that the 'citizens, who, unfortunately lacked documentation, through no fault of their own' had 'invaded' their properties, and now had the run of their homes. 

Not long after successfully suing to get his name added to the deed to his new home, Alex heard 'his' doorbell ring, and walked toward the front door.  He took time to admire and appreciate the beautiful decor of his and the others' new 'digs'.  Alex opened the door, and smiled at the pizza delivery man.  He watched the man 'swipe' his family's monthly 'expense card' for the purchase.  When he was closing the door, he got his feet tangled in the rug, and lost his balance.  He went down to the floor; striking his head.  The poor man, a newly 'properly documented citizen' of the town, lay on the floor unconscious.

When he regained consciousness, he was confused.  He found himself looking up at the Academy Award winning actress.  She was wearing a bathrobe and full makeup; looking down at him from the top of the stone wall.  His head ached and a rope and grappling hook were laying at his side.  His wife and children were cowering behind their stack of stuff, while the lady was standing up there, with a baseball bat in her hand.  She yelled several curse words at the ‘would be’ trespasser and his family.  Weirdly, it sounded beautiful, like when she sang in the movies.  She was a national treasure, but she wasn’t going to put up with any of this trespassing shit for a minute!  Certainly, not on her land!

As Alex and his family were transported back to the city limits, he fondly thought about the great dream he had, while unconscious from his fall.  He should have known, all along though, that it wasn't real.  Obviously, nothing remotely like the things he experienced while dreaming, could ever happen in real life!

I know this is amateurish at best, but I would appreciate it if you could share it with someone who could use a laugh...or cry.  Put it on your Face Book or twitter feed.  This 'starving' artist thanks you!

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