Saturdays are really the devils work.

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


It's a Saturday, just like any other Saturday,a time for the the devil to weave his web of devious blood boiling stress, he waits and then delivers his justice to any unsuspecting person but it
only seems to happen on a Saturday.

Submitted: February 07, 2018

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Submitted: February 07, 2018

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The bedside alarm clock starts to chime…….
I awake ’with a chime so loud it could wake the dead’ and start my morning slow wake up routine, a stretch of my arms and legs, slowly followed by a massive mouth widening yawn ‘that would frighten even the most venomous snake’.
I swing my legs to the left and let gravity pull them to the floor, I then recollect that it’s Saturday and I have 2 full days to laze around and do absolutely nothing. So it’s the weekend again, what a fantastic thing to wake up to, no need to rush around and get ready for work, two whole days of ’trying to find something to do’!
I stand up, throw on my dressing gown and do the zombie walk into the kitchen ’always remembering that I have to walk down stairs & not fall down them’ like has happened once before. (yes’ it hurt).
 
The coffee machine is switched on………
Why is it, that when your still half asleep, you try to work out the switch on the coffee machine but ’everything looks as though its written in ancient hieroglyphics’?  So you take your best guess and hope that you haven’t started the self destruct on the coffee machine.
I open the cupboard and grab the sliced loaf, take two slices of bread out and put them into the toaster, I select the :press this button: to toast but ’nothing happens’ so I then plug it in to the wall socket and remember that appliances need electricity to work. ‘yep I’m still half asleep’.
I then wait for the impending slices to shoot out from the top of the toaster like it’s a targeted attack from a ballistic missile ship, try to catch the slices in mid air before they hit the floor.
Who needs a gun when they have an over enthusiastic spring loaded toaster!
 
Television News…….
I’ve never really worked out how to use the 35+ buttons on the remote control so I just do it the old fashioned way and walk over to the TV and switch it on manually, I still have use for the remote control of course, it makes a very good paper-weight for my notes and letters.
So I sit down and start to watch the news, perfectly expecting to start feeling depressed at what’s happening around the world, when all of a sudden ‘boom, the adverts have started’.
Yeah’ there’s nothing more demodulating than watching three adverts all run at once across the screen, one after the other, as if in some sort of macabre guilt ridden message from the subconscious of the mind.
Charities, all needing donations.
Doesn’t the United Kingdom give 12 Billion pounds every year to foreign aid programs?
Although I do have a soft spot for helping Donkeys but I just have a hard time remembering the last time I saw so many registered charities running ’what seems’ endless adverts. (adverts cost a lot of money to run) on TV!
So it seems a bit counter intuitive to me, spend money making the advert, spend money running the advert on TV, then ask for donations in the hope of covering the costs of making & running the advert in the first place!
 
Need.. Milk, Sugar, Coffee and food to fill the fridge……..
Finding the energy to get changed to go out is not easy when your in a sloth type mood at home but I suppose its one of those things we all need to do.
 
Sitting in the car, in yet another traffic jam, I’m calmly and quietly waiting for that rare parking spot, waiting for the noise of a cold engine to start or the white light of a reversing car so I can slowly move forward and park the car in the space.
But ‘as everyone knows’ its not easy finding a parking space in a car park on a Saturday and it always feels like it’s survival of the fittest when dueling with another car, of course I value my car insurance and I let the other maniac have the parking space, its not worth fighting for, it’s only a parking space, there are many others. ’hopefully’.
Why is it, that some people automatically assume that because there shopping at a supermarket, the supermarket has a duty of responsibility to provide a parking space just for them and no one else? 
 
So there I am, pushing the shopping trolley up one aisle and down another aisle, all to the common problem of ’the supermarket wheel of fortune’!
The stereo typical shopping trolley, three wheels on my wagon, I push it one way & the trolley wants to go another.
And by the time you survive it to the check out line, your exhausted, thank god you never have to push this trolley of death again!
But ‘hold on’, wait your turn, there’s a shopper there with what seems to be a lifetimes supply of small currency coins.
Half an hour it took for that person to clear the check out line, there’s half an hour out of my two days off work that I will never get back!
 
The  petrol station puzzle….……….
You know what petrol forecourts are like on a Saturday, there full of waiting cars, all ready to move forward like there in a slow motion Monte Carlo race.
All waiting for that elusive empty petrol pump space, of course, you always get the motorist who forgets which side of the car there filler cap is, there easy to generally spot because their the ones who think that the petrol pump hose is made of some form of elastic, its no use pulling the hose ’it’s not made to stretch’ you know!
And what about those motorists who seem to take more than half an hour to check four tires, what’s that all about?
I blame all these petrol stations for having an indoor convenience shop, the length of time people take to move there vehicles away from the petrol pump has doubled to up to 15 minutes after initially fueling there car, before they appear.
Just as you start your car and engage first gear and your all ready to move at a snails pace forward, that’s the time it dawns on you that there not even ready to move there car yet!
They fumble around with various items they have just bought in the forecourt garage shop and take even longer to put the seat belt on!
‘it’s the devils work‘, it was a bad idea putting convenience shops in petrol stations’!
 
 
 
And Finally back home………….
I feel a bit cheated considering it’s a Saturday, here I was, thinking that today would be a day of sloth and relaxation, when in fact it’s been more stressful that being at work.
These things have to be done I suppose, I’m thankful I’ve been out, braved the supermarket experience, fueled and checked the car, now I’m back home and I can start and to chill out a bit.
 
Thanks For Reading.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


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