I cut my own breaks without knowing

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic


A stranger who wouldn't trust you has suspicion he's gone insane and wants to ask for your help.


 

I cut my own breaks without knowing

by Gabriel Vera

 

 

 

I have been harboring demons secretly. I have been needing to absorb information on how to get my head right, but there is no vacancy left. What do I do? Suggestions go drifting into one ear and settle down for a while, but I’m a coward, and then sooner than later the thought will shoot right out like a bullet and I’m back to the start. If only an Idea where as physically strong as a bullet.

“You can’t blame it on your disorders, ****.”

It isn’t one of those suggestions I mentioned but it’s a sound that bangs against the fold in my brain where I take things into serious consideration. I haven’t heard it in reality. Nobody understands and I don’t expect anyone to, I’ve been called crazy by other patients in a mental health care facility, I don’t expect my friends and family to know what’s going on in my head.

So where am I now? That’s not really information I would like to send out into the world for someone else to read, I do have a bit of dignity left. Although, that statement should give you a grasp on how pathetic it is. My dilemma isn’t about where I am, but where my head is at. I think I’m really losing it here and I need help if there is anyone out there who can. A friend, a psychiatrist, or a personal assassin would be preferable. I don’t have any intentions to hurt anyone like everyone thinks when they meet a loony, I caught empathy from a Santa in Pediatric hospital last Christmas and I don’t think I was vaccinated. You’re loony? What? Loony how then? Well for example, last Saturday night from now, which is a Friday, I found a stray cat outside of where I’m living crying and weeping with hunger and thirst. It was really annoying and I hated it, and I brought her inside because my empathy was acting up, plus there wasn’t much contrast with the two of us anyway. She reminded me of a cat my sister had during our childhood. She was Grey with black stripes, like a depressing mistake while attempting to make a Zebra. I put food down and gave her beer, I tried my best to bathe her, and I let her sleep in my room. I even made a cat box, I felt it was best to worry about the smell later if she were to use it. She was so silent and barely moved it was very easy to keep her around. She would just lie there but I could still sometimes hear the crying a weeping. Sometimes it was unsettling and loud, sometimes it was even more unsettling and very quiet. The only way I could sleep was by it being medication induced. Still, I would wake up in the morning and she would be right where I left her when I brought her in.

Eventually, my **** had come around back home and was wondering what the smell coming from my room was. I didn’t see anything in the cat box but it was possible she had gone to the bathroom somewhere else in the room. I didn’t notice the smell until after **** mentioned it. Luckily, all I had to do was promise to take care of it and no further investigation would pursue. I’m still a coward and I still have the crying demons in my skull, so in my own guidelines I wasn’t capable to exit the safe confines of the property. With that in mind, a much more suitable solution was in hand, which was to put her back where I found her, In the process of doing so things started to get stranger.

Whenever I stepped out the front door leading in the porch I would end up facing the sliding screen door that was outside in the backyard. It happened several times, so many times in fact I don’t have any recollection of it actually stopping. What if I’m still walking through the door? What if I have died and I’m living in limbo? Or what if I’m really asked for help I don’t deserve? I belong in a dream, as face you never could remember. In the back of my skull where the demons leave signs around in order to isolate, I think dying is something I couldn’t ever fail at.

 

 

 

- signed,

The Lonely Cloud A.K.A, The Human Female Dog A.K.A. Nobody A.K.A. Most Likely To Succeed, Have a Great Summer. 


Submitted: February 10, 2018

© Copyright 2021 Gabriel Luis Vera. All rights reserved.

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