MY TOP TEN LIST

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


Now I'm no David Letterman is but I just feel it incumbent upon myself to do a top ten list and mail it to the letterman show. They have to run short of material sometimes. Now this is just a top ten list of shit that drives me insane in the middle of the night, all while most of America is sleeping away until they can get back to life as usual. Some of it will be stuff you've probably heard me regurgitate in the past but humor me, it might be new to some. It's going to be hard to quantify a list in chronological order from run of the mill pissed off at #10 and one liberal whacko that says the wrong thing within in earshot and makes me fall off that delicate balance I'm trying to maintain and it turns me into John Wayne Gacy fucked up. That'll be #1. And what I mean by the wrong thing could be as simple as "does anyone really need assault weapon magazines that hold two
hundred rounds and weapon is fully auto?" Fuck yes I do, because it should be my right afforded to me by the constitution, plus it would be awfully boring trying to indiscriminately fire 200 rounds into a code pink rally with a single shot. Something simple like that is going to do it. Well here it goes.

#10. Recycling. 
Pretty benign, but if you feel like your saving Mother Earth by seperating paper, plastic, aluminum, glass, organic and using one square on the shit ticket roll, wow! If I heard you discussing that with your "partner" waiting for the train I will shove you into the next moving train, not fucking kidding.

#9. Obama is a great speaker
If your lost and pissed off when your TelePrompter malfunctions and the 99% guy who screwed up gets sent to inner city Detroit to hold Klan rallies for a year for his mistake because you can't speak without reading line for line like Ron Burgundy, your no Ronald
Reagen. Sorry Chris Mathews no tingle down my leg. If I here someone say that he's a great orator when I'm hungover I'm going to beat that person with a microphone until my arms give out. Just saying.

#8. Author that influenced me, the great philosopher Mao Tse Tung. (Thanks Elizabeth Warren)

When that statement gets muttered on the national stage for a senate race and you actually win the election then God help you if I ever get my hands on a biological super weapon. I will go to Massachusetts, drink the whole test tube and rape Elizabeth Warren in the airport two days before Christmas. After that I'll pull the pin on the grenade I have shoved halfway up my ass. Should do it. When you honor perhaps the greatest mass murderer in the history of the human race on national television and America applauds you, well what do you expect me to do. If he came before Hitler, Ghengis Kahn and let's just say Stalin, they would all say "man,
that guy was fucked up!" But in the new America you get a pass. Good for you.

#7. Black lives matter.

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?!?!?

"Hey Bill, something's been bugging the shit out of me lately. Do Black lives matter?"

"I don't know Bob. Yesterday I blew through a school crossing with my H1 Hummer and ran over ten of those little negroe children and I got a $100 traffic violation and a pretty stern lecture on texting while driving. I guess I would have to say yes, black lives really do matter."

In 2015 America are people so naive to think that we're the Roman Empire in the days of the coliseum, feeding Christians to lions? It's black and white leaders alike jumping on the bandwagon. That statement is so ignorant that I can't hardly believe I have to bring it up. It just goes to show you when you put the fox in charge of the henhouse, in this case the media,
and then you have millions and millions of ignorant Americans lapping it up WE ARE FUCKED! Why can't we just have a basic test you have to pass in order to vote. If you know nothing about American history and civics then no, you can't vote, fuck off New Black Panthers. You might as well have three year olds vote on there favorite Tellatubby. Should we be so cavalier as to think that stirring up the ignorant masses and getting them to the urban polling booths is a sound democratic policy. We're not voting for class president in junior high here. Putting people like Obama, Maxine Waters and Nancy Pelosy in charge of the worlds number one super power is a recipe for disaster.

#6. Equal rights for all Americans.

Fuck right off Lesbian, gay, bi, and transgender community. Equal rights means you don't get a cute title like LBGT persons and then claim you want equal rights. What that is called is class warfare not equal
rights. If you want to fight real Americans who have real guns with hair pulling, eye gouging and temper tantrums bring it on. After about four hours I believe America would be right back on track to be the super power again. Quit your wining and jump back in your closet.

#5. Man made global warming 

Verdicts in folks. If we don't shut down progress immediately, by 2050 were going down the path of the Dodo bird. I could say a lot on this subject, but suffice to say, if dinosaurs made it 65 million years or more, farting and shitting all over the place don't be so grandiose to think we can doom the planet in a matter of decades, It just makes you look bad.I can't say anything else on that subject.

#4. Every American has a right to health care.

I have health care, and my family needs it. Should it be a fundamental right as an American? Fuck yes, while we're at it I want steak and lobster every night and a six figure salary for pulling on my pud all day. Same difference, don't be so shallow minded you pond suckers. Dream big, America is the land of entitlement now. But I have to insert my favorite quote here, and it's from Margeret Thatcher, "socialism only works until you run out of other people's money." Not even super powers are to big to fail, read up on your history just a little, or not. Yeah fuck it, let's just live in the moment, eat, drink, fornicate and be happy for a few more short moments. Right now I'm researching Theodore Kazinsky because I'm getting to damn lazy to track you bastards down the old fashion way. That's socialism for you I guess, enjoy your Christmas presents!

#3. It's your patriotic duty to pay taxes.

It's also my patriotic duty to protect America from all her enemies, both foreign and domestic and I'm officially declaring war on those who are trying to bring America down. Eugenics enthusiasts will be thrilled to know that close to %40 percent of Americans pay no taxes at all with all there tax credits, think of the lessening of the carbon footprint with 120 million Americans dead because they served no purpose, thats a win win for liberals I should think. Problem is they want the evil rich white people brought down. Right on, down with the man, you evil one percent of job creators and tax payers, who needs you anyway. That would fit right into the new class of liberals actually, they don't appear to be found of hot running water and plumbing in those 99ers marches. Just lay around on private property all day long and shit and piss in the alleys. It'll be like putting a sick animal down, no reason for sympathy if your to worthless to respect the rule of law. Can't fucking wait!

#2. Hillary Clinton

I really don't care because I quit voting after the 2012 election but if your front runners are Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders and you actually win then I say good for you, I would probably be laughing my ass off for a week straight. Of course it'd be the laughter you hear in the hallways of the old school sanitariums. The sounds that make your hair stand on end because that will be my official call to arms and insanity! I hope she wins.

#1. Most Muslims are moderate peace lovers right?

Oh Contraire Monfraire, if you follow the teachings of the esteemed prophet Muhammad, the king goat fucker himself, you cannot subscribe to a religion of peace because it's completely based on the opposite. He was a murderous, epileptic, pedophile that taught nothing but war and conquest and dapravity. Now if we don't have time to bring ourselves down, these insane camel fucking followers of the prophet Mohammed very likely could. Harry Trumans long gone, no one left to make the tough but necessary choices it takes to preserve freedom.
Wait a minute, Bernie Sanders!

See you on the battle field


Submitted: February 13, 2018

© Copyright 2021 Cool Mo Dee. All rights reserved.

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