Her Story.
When she was just eleven years old, her whole world fell apart
Her mother was in the hospital
Taken ill during the night.
She would have to stay with her grandparents for a while
She got on well with them
They didn't fight.
But rumours spread and tongues will wag
Secrets don't last
For long.
Her mother was depressed, had taken an overdose,
Was mad and crazy,
Insane.
The girl learnt it all from school where it was a laugh
To treat her with contempt,
To turn away.
Friends she thought she had deserted her, turned their backs
And others just bullied
For the fun of it.
And what had she done to cause it, it must have been her fault,
They whispered and conjectured,
Sentencing her to blame.
The girl couldn't cope with it all on her own, no one would understand
The pressure built, became unbearable,
She overdosed, herself.
But the hospital had it's own surprises with staff that just weren't fit,
They blamed her too for her Mother's actions
Said she caused all of it.
This time it didn't last for long, she was too young
To be kept in an adult psych. ward
For weeks on end.
But the whole thing was a cycle on repeat
The girl and her mother
Stuck in a pattern.
The girl stopped eating. There were threats of ECT like her Mother had
They showed her the room it took place in.
A threat to make her do as they say.
Tube feeding was discussed. She would not be allowed to starve,
So she ate just enough to quieten them,
A weight she would maintain.
And so she turned to silence. They couldn't make her talk at all,
Elective mutism, drawing back inside her head
Away from cruel comments.
They gave her Sodium Pentathol to make her tell the truth
She fought it and it didn't work on her
There was nothing to tell.
It didn't take her long to learn what they wanted to hear,
And that is what she said and did
Acted and lied to escape.
She never told her Mother what the staff, her friends, had said;
That she was responsible for it all
Guilty, blamed, fully evil.
She moved away and pretended it was all a nightmare
Never spoke about it to anyone,
Became someone else.
But it was always lurking there inside her head, brewing,
Ready to pounce and strike
At any opportunity.
She fought it down so many times, in secret and in shame,
But the past has such a grip on her
She'll never really be free.
Guilt is so entrenched in her that whenever a problem arises
She knows that somehow, some way
She's been the one to cause it.
And people do blame her all of the time, perhaps sensing
A weakness and willingness within her
To accept it.
Submitted: February 13, 2018
© Copyright 2023 hullabaloo22. All rights reserved.
Comments
The ignorance of people. That's what it boils down to; apathy and malice instead of sympathy and compassion. The cruelty in some people's hearts is unfathomable.
Tue, February 13th, 2018 7:59pmI found this hard to read, Hully. A vulnerable, mentally damaged child on a downward spiral that shapes her tormented future. An absolutely haunting, heartbreaking piece.
Tue, February 13th, 2018 9:04pmIt just breaks my heart what this girl had to go through. This is absolutely amazing. Hully. Well penned.
Wed, February 14th, 2018 2:15pmYou've highlighted want a dog eat dog world it can be Mama Hullabaloo. And it doesn't seen there is any sign of change! That branch of medicine lets so many down. Patients/clients/prisoners all learn what the analasist wants to hear. Sad sad tale. Leave it on - if you can change the attitude of one person, it is worth it. Usianguke
Wed, February 14th, 2018 7:06pmFacebook Comments
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Frank N. Field
This story/poem hit me like a freight train. I feel like it is one of those stories that really show what the world is like. It’s one thing to write a fiction story where the writer decides that they are going to write something really profound, but it’s another thing when, fiction or non-fiction, the writer decided to write about what the world is like at its core. The latter is harder, and you handled it beautifully.
Tue, February 13th, 2018 7:58pmAuthor
Reply
Thanks for that, Frank, and for taking the time to read it.
Tue, February 13th, 2018 12:11pm