FEARS OF A FOURTEEN YEAR OLD ME

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic


Finding feminism at the age of fourteen.

Submitted: February 17, 2018

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Submitted: February 17, 2018

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FEARS OF A FOURTEEN YEAR OLD ME

Fourteen year old me, who has never heard of the word feminism, decides to create a Tumblr account. Fourteen year old me encounters with a poem called "Fears" and it stucks with herself that the fourteen year old me becomes so obssesed with it, that now an eighteen year old me still knows it by memory.

(And I´m quoting, I shit you not)

 

"I´M 14 YEARS OLD AND IM WEARING A SKIRT THAT IS TOO SMALL FOR ME

WHEN I KISS MY PARENTS GOODBYE

A FAMILY FRIEND LOOKS AT ME THEN AT MY PARENTS IN DISBELIEF

ARE YOU LETTING HER OUT LIKE THAT?

I ALMOST SNAP AT HIM BUT WHEN I MEET HIS GAZE I DONT SEE JUGDMENT BUT FEAR.

 

14 year old me gets amazed by the first eight lines of the poem that remembers all the times, her mother and father wouldn´t let her wear shorts or skirts whenever family and friends came around. Telling her about how even if the men were part of the family, they were still men and you need to cross your legs when you sit down, that´s not very lady like of you.

 

I´M FIFTEEN AND MY FRIEND AND I DON´T WALK DOWN BIG STREETS AT NIGHT

WHEN MEN YELL AT US IT MAKES OUR SKIN CRAWL.

 

14 year old me, remembers a family trip, 14 year old me was a twelve year old me back then, walking in the street with 16 year old sister, when men started to catcall a twelve year old me and 16 year old sister told me "don´t turn around, men are so disgusting" so a 12 year old me  became aware of how this was going to happen a lot of times through all her life.

 

I´M SIXTEEN WHEN A GIRL IN MY CLASS BUYS A KEYCHAIN THAT DOUBLES AS A KNIFE

 I TELL MY MOTHER AND SHE TEACHES ME HOW TO WIELD MY HOUSE KEYS LIKE A WEAPON.

 

14 year old me understands a lot of years later why her mother wanted her to take karate class, so 14 year old me could defend herself if someone wanted to take advantage to any age me, understands that that was the principal motive of her mother, to defend her from rape.

 

I´M SEVENTEEN AND IT´S ALMOST 2AM

I WANT TO WALK HOME BUT MY FRIENDS BLOCK THE DOOR

THEY´RE SCARED IF THEY LET ME GO ITLL BE FOR THE LAST TIME.

 

14 year old me does not get this yet, but still knows at such a young age, that it isn´t safe for anybody to walk home alone late at night, not in her country, but knows by heart that it is more dangerous for women, but 14 year old me does not quite understand why.

 

NOW I GET IT

I SEE WHY MY MOTHER CAN´T SLEEP WHEN I´M OUT

I UNDERSTAND WHY MY MALE FRIENDS SLIDE THEIR ARMS AROUND ME WHEN IT GETS DARK

WHY MY GRANDMOTHER EYES MY HEMLINE LIKE IT´S POISONOUS

I GET IT

 

14 year old me realizes and asks herself why, every women at such a young age are taught to fear, to see so many women raped, to see that if women raise their voice they are bossy and keep quiet, you´re a lady. Do not curse. 14 year old me starts to realize all the sexism she lives with, and how sometimes 14 year old me is also sexist.

 

MY PARENTS DO EVERYTHING THEY CAN TO KEEP ME SAFE

BUT THEY CAN´T CHANGE THE FACT

THAT MY BODY IS A WAR ZONE

THEY CAN´T CHANGE THE FACT THAT THERE´S TOO MUCH HUNGER IN THIS WORLD FOR SAFETY

THEY CAN´T CLOSE THEIR EARS WHEN THE MAN ON THE NEWS SAYS THAT 'ONE IN FIVE WOMEN ARE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED BEFORE GRADUATING COLLEGE'

 

14 year old me almosts finishes the poem, but 14 year old me has tears on her eyes. She has lived upon and within sexism all of her life, but 14 year old me has opened her eyes, starts to realize what is right and what is wrong. 14 year old me knows what sexism is now.

 

IM EIGHTING YEARS OLD AND IM AT A PARTY

AND AS I WALK AWAY FROM A DRUNKEN BOY 

HE FIXES HIS EYES ON ME AND ASKS

'WHAT ARE YOU SO SCARED OF?'."

 

14 year old me kind of laughs at the end of the poem, at the cinism the writer had with the last line. 14 year old me is in love with this poem. 14 year old me has woke up. 14 year old me starts to search for more content like this and encounters with this thing that will hold her in the future, that will understand her, that will stand with her even when things get rough, that will fight with and for her in the future when 14 year old me is now an 18 year old me. Fourteen year old me discovers what Feminism is, and she couldn´t be more grateful for that.

 


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