What America needs.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Abandoned

My take on what we need in out next President.

Submitted: February 20, 2018

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Submitted: February 20, 2018



The problem isn’t with the oompa Loompa in the office of the President currently it is the fact that not since William Howard Taft has a person held that office with facial hair.  The President has become to clean cut and wholesome.  Bill Clinton pushed it, but even he didn’t have the nerve to grow a mustache let alone a beard.  JFK was a wild one from what has been said at times, but again he lacked the nerve to bust out with some stubble.

I seriously think that we need a man in that office with a big bushy mustache and beard.  The kind of guy that drinks beer, and not that expensive micro brewed crap, but a good old Iron City or Budweiser.  The kind of guy that rides a Harley and pisses on the side of the road.  We have all seen them kind of guys and we know that they will get what they want even if they got to bust a few heads to get it.

Facial hair says a lot about a person.  What exactly depends on the facial hair, but generally it is a sign of somebody that knows how to get things done.  Check out any construction site and you can pick the boss out because he is the clean-shaven idiot sitting on his ass giving out orders, the guys actually doing the work are the big hairy smelly guys.  They may sexually harass any female that walks by, but they also know their job and do it.  Go to a bar and look around, the guy with the big bushy beard and mustache is the guy that nobody wants to mess with.  That is what we need in a President a guy that knows how to get things done and nobody wants to mess with.

I guess what I’m saying and if you all think about it you will know it is true we need a big hairy smelly construction working biker to be the next President.  Even if he does a bad job it will be entertaining as hell to hear about his exploits on the news.  Think of all the material comics will get from him.  Just imagine him at a state dinner letting out a belch or asking the French ambassador to pull his finger.  Instead of one fat chick in the oval office he will probably be having orgies in there.

So I’m going to ask all Americans to stand up and demand that our next President have facial hair.

© Copyright 2018 Ian D. Mooby. All rights reserved.

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