A Situation In Lortana

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic


The first section of a story I've been working on for a while. I created the world of Lortana some time ago but could never come up with a story until recently. This story follows Greio Malphas,the
bastard son of a nobleman who lives in the large north eastern kingdom of Sophos. After his mothers departure Greio was taken into the Malphas Estate when he was four. He was often bullied by his
siblings and Sarahli Malphas (his fathers wife). His only friend is a demonic Talus named Liai. One night an assassination attempt is made on Greio's life and he discovers the identity of the one
responsible which starts what will hopefully be a coming of age/road trip story across much of the world. My grammars bad so be warned.

Table of Contents

On The State of The World

Submitted: February 25, 2018


A bit cliche to have an exposition prologue but I wanted to explain a bit of the worlds history.
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Nothing Personal

Submitted: February 25, 2018


So this is my first chapter. Any feedback is appreciated. Especially when it comes to grammar and how to better write fights. I love fight scenes and want to become great at writing them.
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Friends Help Friends...

Submitted: February 25, 2018


I'm not sure about the placement of this backstory here in the story. It feels like a bit much after just having a fight scene so it's certainly up for a change in placement within the story to
probably much later in another important moment.
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We Don't Do Torture

Submitted: February 25, 2018


I went a bit more into the relationship between Greio and Liai here as well as the origins and powers of the Talus as a race. If any aspects of this story (Greio and Liai's relationship) feels
rushed or underdeveloped, that's because it is. I'm squeezing in as much writing as I can into my daily routine so it has been hectic and I do plan to focus in a bit more with later drafts. I've
also added some more dialogue which I often tend to neglect.
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It's Obvious...

Submitted: February 25, 2018


I enjoyed writing this scene up until the end of the confrontation. I think some previous scenes establishing Greio and his fathers relationship getting worse would help this make a whole lot more
sense. I also could use work in creating the setting around the characters so any advice on that would be greatly appreciated.
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