My Best Friend Bert - #5

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Now, before I start this episode I should tell your readers that Bert doesn't always see things the way many of us do. It is not that he is stupid, 'cause he isn’t; he just makes up his mind about
some things long before all the evidence is in. Note: The end of this story actually happened to a real friend of mine, not Bert, but he was not oblivious to what was happening; he was just half
drunk enough not to care.

Submitted: March 05, 2018

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Submitted: March 05, 2018



Bert came into Betty's Burgers & Beer and sat down at my table. As he thumbed through the menu he started talking about a little adventure that he had earlier in the week. 

"Had to go help my daughter at three in the morning," he said proudly.

"What did Ginger need help with at that hour?" I asked as I shoved French-fries in my mouth.

Bert laughed and said, "I thought your wife told you to lay off the fries?"

"You didn't see a thing," I replied as I looked Bert in the eyes. Then I added, "If I eat the way she wants I may live longer, but I won't live happier."

Now, what was the deal with Ginger and the early morning call?"

Bert thought for a moment, then continued by saying, "She called and said that she had a flat tire and would I come to fix it. Can you imagine?

I told her to call AAA but she said that she forgot to renew her membership.

Personally, I think she just didn't have the money, she just started a new job. --- Ya know?

Anyway, being a good Daddy, I hauled my butt out of bed and raced over to the east side of the city. Of all places to get a flat, that sure isn't the best place.

Anyway, AAA came, I gave them my card, and she was on her way in no time."

"You're a good Daddy, Bert," I said teasingly.

"Yah, I am," he said in a matter-ah-fact manner.

He waved at the waitress and ordered the Ham and cheese on Rye, extra mustered and pickles; and, of course, a beer.

Then Bert continued by saying, “A really dumb thing happened as I drove home.”

Bert often has dumb things happen to him so I wasn’t surprised by his comment. But I was curious so I asked, “What kind of dumb thing?”

Bert took a drink from his beer and then replied, “Well, when I stopped at Main and Jefferson, you know, over where the drug dealers and hookers used to hang out.”

I cut in to remark, “No, I didn’t know that, but I know where Main and Jefferson is, so go on.”

Bert continued by saying, “I usually avoid that area, but I heard that the police had raided the area several time. It seems that the riff-raff that didn't go to jail decided not to hang out there anymore; least-wise, that is what they said on the news.

Anyway, when I stopped at the red light a man came into the street carrying a rifle. He was yelling something but I couldn't hear him very well 'cause I had my hearing-aid turned way down. But I knew what he wanted right away.

So I just yelled right back and told him that I had too many guns already, so I sure as hell didn't need to buy his stupid rifle.

That is when the light changed and I drove off."



D. Thurmond / JEF


© Copyright 2019 D. Thurmond, aka, JEF. All rights reserved.

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