Problems Of An Overthinker/Shy Person

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Have you ever felt dread when you were entering a new situation? Do you wish you could silence your brain sometimes, because it just won't shut up? Did you ever feel like your heart was going to
beat out of your chest when meeting new people? That's exactly what I'm going to talk about. So grab a seat, take some snacks, and take a look into my overactive, slightly annoying brain.

Problems Of An Overthinker/Shy Person

Hey there, I’m not sure if anyone will actually read this, but this goes out to everyone who thinks way too much, to everyone who gets nervous or uncomfortable when faced with new situations. To every introvert, all my fellow shy people. This is for you.

As long as I can remember, I’ve always had an overactive and very imaginative brain, constantly making up stories, never really quiet. Boredom was not something I ever experienced in my childhood, and it still isn’t. Playing alone? Having a quiet weekend? Not a problem! What do I have myself for?

I can’t really remember if I always had a problem opening up to people I don’t know, but according to my Mum it’s definitely not a recent thing. Most of the time it’s really annoying because I actually want to know people, I love having friends and spending time with them. It’s just the making-friends-part I have a hard time with.

The same goes for new situations, going out of my comfort zone. Do I hate new beginnings? No! In fact I love them. Am I scared beyond measure when faced with them? Absolutely!
Even though scared might not be the correct word here. See, I believe in God, and I know that He will always be by my side to protect me and to lead me towards the right path. I trust Him wholeheartedly not to throw me into situations I can’t handle.
So, I’m not really scared, but nervous. And when I say nervous, I don’t mean a bit excited. No, I’m talking about my heart almost hammering out of my chest, a little pit of dread in my stomach, having the uncontrollable urge to cry, not being able to sleep through the night, and of course my brain blabbering on and on.

The worst case I had was probably last November, when I cried every day for a week, just narrowly avoiding a panic attack several times, and my heart beating so much that I woke up almost every hour during the nights. “What caused this?” you might ask. Well I had just applied for an apprenticeship position and received an invitation for a job interview followed by a short internship.

Right now, my nerves are actually harmless compared to that experience, but they are there nonetheless, and I hate it.
Tomorrow, I’ve got another internship starting, and I’m actually super excited and curious how that is going to go. But still…

“What if I’m going to be late on my first day?” my worrying brain is asking.

“You’re going to go to bed on time, and won’t be late tomorrow,” another, more optimistic, part of my brain supplies.

“What if I’m forgetting to bring something?” my worrying brain goes on.

“You read the paper that states what to bring over and over again. You packed your bag one day in advance, and you even laid out your clothes for tomorrow. What could possibly go wrong?” the optimistic part counters.

“I don’t know anyone there. What if I don’t get along with anyone? What if they think I’m weird or stupid?”

It’s the first time the optimistic part doesn’t answer immediately, and when it does, it’s rather timid and unsure.

“You’re going to be fine. It’s only two weeks, and if it’s really bad, you can stop before then.”

That’s not as optimistic as before, and my worrying brain noticed.

“What if I can’t do any of the tasks I’m given right? What if I mess up completely?” it marches on without mercy.

“It’s your first day. Nobody expects you to do, and you are not stupid! Everything will be explained to you, you’ll be fine.”

The optimistic part is clearly getting exasperated but still tries to sound as soothing as possible.

“What if I’m awkward, and don’t know what to say?”

My worrying brain doesn’t know when to stop.

“You worry for nothing. Nobody is perfect. Also, who said you have to say anything without being asked? Nobody expects you to be an entertainer.”

My worrying brain seems satisfied for now, but my body still didn’t get the memo. Heart still beating faster than normal, the knot in my stomach still there

I’m trying breathing technics, I’m also probably going to listen to some soothing and motivational music before going to bed later. I’m hoping, praying that sleep will come easily because I need to get up early in the morning, and I don’t want to be tired.

In situations like these, I wish I was different. I wish with all my heart that I was like all those people who just do things without worrying. Why can’t I be more excited instead of being worried out of my mind? I would even take the urge to laugh hysterically instead of getting the urge to cry.

It’s not as if I made a lot of bad experiences before. In fact, I can’t remember even once when there wasn’t at least one person I could get along with. I can’t remember ever really messing up or being late when it was really important to be on time. I can’t even remember ever forgetting something important that I absolutely had to bring.

And still, I’m always nervous, always worrying, and never quite able to enjoy these new beginnings fully because they are always accompanied by dread.

Every time I feel like I’m feeling right now, I’m trying to tell myself it could be worse. There are lots of people dreading to go out every day because they get nervous or scared of other people.

To all of you getting nervous like me, dreading to speak in front of other people, dreading new situations or even struggling to go outside:
I want you to know that you are not alone.
I am proud of every single one of you for going through life, no matter how hard you have to fight.
I wish I could hug you, wish I could meet you, to find courage together.
I would probably be nervous, and couldn’t sleep beforehand, but it would be worth it.

I guess that’s it for now. Feel free to share your experiences with me, I’ll read every one. Oh and also wish me luck for tomorrow!

(“I’m going to need it!” my worrying brain quips in. The optimistic part just yawns, and rolls its eyes, figuratively…)

Submitted: March 11, 2018

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