A Roofer's Story

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


A very short story about an optimist.

Submitted: March 19, 2018

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Submitted: March 19, 2018

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A Roofer's Story

My name is Phil. I'm 56, a divorced roofer, a vegetarian, and I don't have kids. My hobbies are skydiving and ironing pants. Is there anything else important you could say about me? Well, let me think about it... Um, maybe you should know that I'm an optimist. 

I was just about to finish replacing a few damaged roof shingles on a four-storied house in my neighborhood, when I saw dark clouds gathering. In order to finish my work before it started raining, I had to hurry up, but it was already too late. It was pelting down with rain. As I was quickly collecting my tools, I slipped on a banana skin. How the fuck did a banana skin get on the roof? I slid down along the roof slope in the pouring rain, desperately trying to find something to grab on to but the only thing I could grasp was the roofer's hammer, so I plunged down. But I was lucky. A big, rusty nail caught my left eye, which seemingly slowed down my fall a bit. So I somewhat ruggedly hit the muddy ground right in front of an old lady, whereby I pulled off her shiny brown purse. The charming old lady, repeatedly yelling "Thief, Thief!," immediately began to hit me with her umbrella. But again, I was lucky. There was no one around who could hear her yelling. I was unable to move or to cry, so I watched the old woman striking me. Her face was distorted to a grimace, and despite the horrible pain I couldn't help but laugh. Then, despite my broken ribs, I somehow managed to get up to pass the beautiful brown buckskin purse back to her. Without saying a word, she snatched her bag from me, turned around and rushed off. Suddenly, she stopped and came back. We looked into each others eyes for a few seconds, and she smiled at me before knocking me down with a perfectly executed uppercut. She yelled, "You don't know who you are messing with! I was a female boxing champion fifty-one years ago, and to this very day I haven't stopped exercising. Next time, you should look for another victim, you damn fool." I was lying motionless in the mud. I was bleeding all over my face, my ribs were broken, most of my teeth were smashed in and I was blind in one of my eyes. But again I was lucky. It slowly stopped raining.


© Copyright 2018 .William. All rights reserved.

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