Adventure dude! Episode 1

Episode 1, GET MY MILK!

Wizard dude pours water on Tim’s head, standing over his bed

Wizard dude

Hey Tim, you gotta go, you gotta go on an adventure

Tim

What the hell?! It's like two in the morning, piss off!

Wizard dude

Tim, it’s important, you… uh… you gotta go on an adventure

Tim

Piss off man

Wizard dude

Come on man, we ran out of magic milk for our magic cereal, and I need you to go to the magic store.

Tim

You’re just putting the word magic in front of stuff, that doesn’t make it an adventure

Wizard dude

Of course it does, here, take this sword

Tim

This is a credit card

Wizard dude

It’s not if you believe hard enough, now go! Retrieve some milk so I may have coffee

Tim gets out of bed and gets dressed, he leaves his room and goes out the door

Ext, Night, random street- night

Tim

I swear I should just move out, he’s such an asshole, I bet he’s laughing his ass off for getting me to go

Int, Wizard dude’s room- Night

Wizard man is passed out on the couch with bottles surrounding his bed

Tim

Is there even any store open this late?

Tim arrives at the store.

Tim

Dammit, the store’s closed

Tim calls wizard dude.

Wizard dude

Mhmm, wha, who’s this?

Tim

It’s me, Tim

Wizard dude

How did you get this number?

Tim

Wizard dude, the stores closed

Wizard dude

Ya know where the stores never close Tim? Ya know where? Cause ill tell you where.

Tim

Please don’t say…

Wizard dude

ADVENTURE LAND

Tim

Dammit man, i’m not going to Adventure land

Wizard dude

Yes you are, or else i'll pass out and lock the door, and i mean the top lock that you can't

open with a key

Tim

You wouldn’t dare

Wizard dude

Bitch try me

Tim

Fine, take me there, but you better be awake to get me back home

Wizard dude

Alikibabidibush!

Ext-Adventure Land- Day

Tim

Ugh, it’s so cheerful

Wizard dude

Ok, now get the milk

Tim

See! You just called it milk, this isn’t an adventure at all!

Wizard dude

Of course it is, it’s Adventure land, everything's an adventure!

Tim

Whatever

Tim hangs up on Wizard dude.

Tim

Where’s Wizard dude’s credit card?

Tim see’s a sword and picks it up, the credit card lays in the middle of the sword, Tim put it on his back.

Tim

Of course...

Tim walks up a hill and reaches the store

Store owner

Help! Heeeeelp!!

Tim

What’s wrong?

Store owner

Space pirate ninja warriors stole my potatoes!

Tim

I mean, you should be glad that all they stole were your potatoes, they could have stolen something important

Store owner

They also kidnapped my wife and daughter

Tim

Oh shit, I’ll help you!

The store owner stops panicking and acts normal

Store owner

I’ll fly you there, and you can get them, and i'll fly us back here

Tim

Wait a minute, are you lying?

Store owner

No it’s just, they get kidnapped like once a week, it’s pretty usual

Tim

You should really get like, some guards or something

Store owner

Guards are too expensive, I got a dog, but he’s old

Tim

Ok, but before we go, do you have anything to drink? I’m parched

Store owner

Here, drink this, I made it myself

Tim

What’s in it?

Store owner

Just some caffeine, strawberry juice, and milk

Tim drinks it

Store owner

And Some Slowdown

Tim

What’s that?

Store owner

You’ll see!

Tim and the Store owner fly up in the air in a car, and see a pirate ship, they fly up to it, and Tim jumps on the poop deck

Tim

Ok, let's do this

Tim explores the ship, and eventually finds some pirates taking shots and playing music, others are dancing, and a couple are guarding the shop owner’s wife and daughter

Tim

Hey, I’m here to save these two ladies!

Pirate

Oh yea? Then you must have an epic battle with all of us, and your drastically outnumbered! We’re gonna tear you apart.

Tim

You have a good point

Tim runs away from the door, and the pirates chase him, but when the first one gets out the door, Tim kicks him in the head, and the pirate passes out.

Pirate 2

Shit he’s out cold!

Tim

Thank God I wore my boots

Pirate 3

Get him!

Tim continues to run around and slowly knockout other pirates with his heavy boots and fists

Tim

Do you really think you can beat me one on one?

Captain

Whatcha mean there be one more!?

Tim knocks out pirate 7

Tim

Okay, now it’s just me versus the captain

Captain

Ahoy there! What makes ye think that you can just come here and attack my fellow maties?

Tim

You can’t criticize me, you just kidnapped 2 ladies and are now about to fight me

Captain

They weren’t kidnapped, her husband is just a very jealous person who doesn’t like her hanging out with other men

Tim

Then why do they look so scared? Huh?

Captain

Cause you just showed up guns blazing knocking out my crew!

Tim

Yea, that actually adds up, well, good thing I didn’t use the sword

Captain

Yea, cause that would have been bad

Tim

Well, what do we do now?

Captain

Well, i'm still gonna have to avenge my maties, so, let's fight!

The captain ate a weird looking fruit and his muscles grew, and he grew 2 feet taller, and pulled out a floorboard 2 meters long

Tim

Oh God

Tim’s phone rings, he picks it up

Wizard dude

Hey, did you get the milk?

Tim

Not yet, i’m fighting pirates

Wizard dude

What? I just sent you out to get some milk, and now you’re fighting pirates?!

Tim

Also, I drank some weird drink and now i'm all  energized

Wizard dude

Did it have Califantium in it!?

Tim

Yea, what the heck is that?

Wizard dude

How long ago did you drink it?

Tim

I don’t know, twenty minutes ago

Wizard man

It’s about to be digested then, dude, you’re gonna have the energy of a hundred party ghosts! It actually might just help you if you’re still fighting the pirates, but don’t forget to get the milk

Tim

I won’t

Tim hangs up

Things start moving VERY slowly around Tim looks at the captain, who is swinging the weapon at Tim at a painfully slow speed, Tim walks up to the store owner, who is moving at the same speed as him.

Tim

What's going on? Why are they moving so slow? Is this some kind of prank?

Store owner

No, it's the stuff in the drink, we’re moving at an insanely fast speed cause our brains are basically processing things at an incredible speed

Tim

So, I’m moving at an insanely fast speed?

Shop owner

Yes

Tim walks up to the captain and punches him thirty times in the face, then walks away.

Tim

Let’s take these ladies home

Shop owner

Yes, let's do it

Tim and the Shop owner take the ladies home, and on the way the drink wears off

Shop owner

Thank you for saving my wife and daughter

Wife

We didn’t need saving, we were just having some fun

Shop owner

Oh please, they kidnapped you

Wife

I called them, they were just picking us up

Daughter

I didn’t know we were kidnapped

Wife

We weren’t kidnapped honey

Daughter

So this man saved us?

Wife

No honey, cause we weren’t kidnapped

Daughter

My hero!

She starts kissing Tim

Shop owner

Hey, stop kissing my daughter

Tim

Mmmmph, she's kissing me

Shop owner

Hey! I said stop!

Tim

Help, get her off me!

Shop Owner

Why? Do you not find her attractive?

Tim

I mean yea, but, I don’t really know her

Shop owner

I’m offended, kiss her!

Tim

No, this is weird

Shop owner

Fine, but, I should probably pay you for your services, how about, a HUNDRED GOLD COINS!

Tim

WOAH!

Wife

Honey, thats like, all the gold we have, why don’t you give him like, five?

Shop owner

Umm… well I offered him so many, wouldn’t that seem like to small of an amount now?

Wife

I don’t care how much it sounds like now, just give him five

Shop owner

Fine, here’s five gold coins

Tim

Oh… thanks

Shop owner

Well… goodbye

Tim

Goodbye

Tim goes back to the real world, and walks back into the apartment

Wizard dude

Hey, how was the adventure

Tim

Same old same old

Wizard dude

Did you get the milk?

Tim

No… I forgot

Wizard dude

Uuuuugggggghhhhh, you IDIOT

Tim

I got sidetracked! Don’t blame me!

Wizard dude grabs his coat

Wizard dude

Gotta do everything myself around here

Wizard dude leaves the apartment, gets in his car, drives to the store, walks up to it

Wizard dude

Looks like im gonna have to open the door with magic, Alikaz-open the $^#& up bitch!!

The lock unlocks and Wizard dude goes in the store, looks around, grabs the milk, and two 12 packs of beer, drops the amount of money needed in cash, and while he’s headed out front, a police car is in front of the store

Officer

Stop right there! You’re under arrest for theft of the third degree and trespassing

Wizard dude

Come on officer, I left the money on the counter!

Officer

I said don’t move!

Wizard dude

Fine

Wizard dude teleports into his car, and hides

Officer

What the hell?! Where did he go?!

Wizard dude

Ugh, now I have to wipe his memory, Memory go awayus!

Officer

Woah, where am I? Oh crap, this store is unlocked, I should probably lock it… wait a minute, there is a car here, and the store is unlocked… which means… hold on… there is probably someone in that car, who opened the store, and stole some stuff! That’s it, it all adds up!

The officer turns around, and the car is gone

Officer

Crap! Damn it! They got away!

Wizard dude walks into the apartment

Wizard dude

I got the milk asshole

Tim

Oh, that’s good

Wizard dude

Yea, I almost got arrested though, cause i had to break into the store, but now we shall have milk for breakfast

Tim

Why didn’t you just wait a bit? It’s 4am, the store would have opened in like 2 hours

Wizard dude

Shut up and drink some milk, i’m still mad at you

Tim

Whatever man, I made some pizza cause I knew you’d be this way

Wizard dude

Oh mah gawd you made pizza!? I love you man!

Tim and Wizard dude eat pizza, watching tv while the sun rises