Adventure dude! Episode 1
Script by: Adventure Dude
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Episode 1, GET MY MILK!
Wizard dude pours water on Tim’s head, standing over his bed
Wizard dude
Hey Tim, you gotta go, you gotta go on an adventure
Tim
What the hell?! It's like two in the morning, piss off!
Wizard dude
Tim, it’s important, you… uh… you gotta go on an adventure
Tim
Piss off man
Wizard dude
Come on man, we ran out of magic milk for our magic cereal, and I need you to go to the magic store.
Tim
You’re just putting the word magic in front of stuff, that doesn’t make it an adventure
Wizard dude
Of course it does, here, take this sword
Tim
This is a credit card
Wizard dude
It’s not if you believe hard enough, now go! Retrieve some milk so I may have coffee
Tim gets out of bed and gets dressed, he leaves his room and goes out the door
Ext, Night, random street- night
Tim
I swear I should just move out, he’s such an asshole, I bet he’s laughing his ass off for getting me to go
Int, Wizard dude’s room- Night
Wizard man is passed out on the couch with bottles surrounding his bed
Tim
Is there even any store open this late?
Tim arrives at the store.
Tim
Dammit, the store’s closed
Tim calls wizard dude.
Wizard dude
Mhmm, wha, who’s this?
Tim
It’s me, Tim
Wizard dude
How did you get this number?
Tim
Wizard dude, the stores closed
Wizard dude
Ya know where the stores never close Tim? Ya know where? Cause ill tell you where.
Tim
Please don’t say…
Wizard dude
ADVENTURE LAND
Tim
Dammit man, i’m not going to Adventure land
Wizard dude
Yes you are, or else i'll pass out and lock the door, and i mean the top lock that you can't
open with a key
Tim
You wouldn’t dare
Wizard dude
Bitch try me
Tim
Fine, take me there, but you better be awake to get me back home
Wizard dude
Alikibabidibush!
Ext-Adventure Land- Day
Tim
Ugh, it’s so cheerful
Wizard dude
Ok, now get the milk
Tim
See! You just called it milk, this isn’t an adventure at all!
Wizard dude
Of course it is, it’s Adventure land, everything's an adventure!
Tim
Whatever
Tim hangs up on Wizard dude.
Tim
Where’s Wizard dude’s credit card?
Tim see’s a sword and picks it up, the credit card lays in the middle of the sword, Tim put it on his back.
Tim
Of course...
Tim walks up a hill and reaches the store
Store owner
Help! Heeeeelp!!
Tim
What’s wrong?
Store owner
Space pirate ninja warriors stole my potatoes!
Tim
I mean, you should be glad that all they stole were your potatoes, they could have stolen something important
Store owner
They also kidnapped my wife and daughter
Tim
Oh shit, I’ll help you!
The store owner stops panicking and acts normal
Store owner
I’ll fly you there, and you can get them, and i'll fly us back here
Tim
Wait a minute, are you lying?
Store owner
No it’s just, they get kidnapped like once a week, it’s pretty usual
Tim
You should really get like, some guards or something
Store owner
Guards are too expensive, I got a dog, but he’s old
Tim
Ok, but before we go, do you have anything to drink? I’m parched
Store owner
Here, drink this, I made it myself
Tim
What’s in it?
Store owner
Just some caffeine, strawberry juice, and milk
Tim drinks it
Store owner
And Some Slowdown
Tim
What’s that?
Store owner
You’ll see!
Tim and the Store owner fly up in the air in a car, and see a pirate ship, they fly up to it, and Tim jumps on the poop deck
Tim
Ok, let's do this
Tim explores the ship, and eventually finds some pirates taking shots and playing music, others are dancing, and a couple are guarding the shop owner’s wife and daughter
Tim
Hey, I’m here to save these two ladies!
Pirate
Oh yea? Then you must have an epic battle with all of us, and your drastically outnumbered! We’re gonna tear you apart.
Tim
You have a good point
Tim runs away from the door, and the pirates chase him, but when the first one gets out the door, Tim kicks him in the head, and the pirate passes out.
Pirate 2
Shit he’s out cold!
Tim
Thank God I wore my boots
Pirate 3
Get him!
Tim continues to run around and slowly knockout other pirates with his heavy boots and fists
Tim
Do you really think you can beat me one on one?
Captain
Whatcha mean there be one more!?
Tim knocks out pirate 7
Tim
Okay, now it’s just me versus the captain
Captain
Ahoy there! What makes ye think that you can just come here and attack my fellow maties?
Tim
You can’t criticize me, you just kidnapped 2 ladies and are now about to fight me
Captain
They weren’t kidnapped, her husband is just a very jealous person who doesn’t like her hanging out with other men
Tim
Then why do they look so scared? Huh?
Captain
Cause you just showed up guns blazing knocking out my crew!
Tim
Yea, that actually adds up, well, good thing I didn’t use the sword
Captain
Yea, cause that would have been bad
Tim
Well, what do we do now?
Captain
Well, i'm still gonna have to avenge my maties, so, let's fight!
The captain ate a weird looking fruit and his muscles grew, and he grew 2 feet taller, and pulled out a floorboard 2 meters long
Tim
Oh God
Tim’s phone rings, he picks it up
Wizard dude
Hey, did you get the milk?
Tim
Not yet, i’m fighting pirates
Wizard dude
What? I just sent you out to get some milk, and now you’re fighting pirates?!
Tim
Also, I drank some weird drink and now i'm all energized
Wizard dude
Did it have Califantium in it!?
Tim
Yea, what the heck is that?
Wizard dude
How long ago did you drink it?
Tim
I don’t know, twenty minutes ago
Wizard man
It’s about to be digested then, dude, you’re gonna have the energy of a hundred party ghosts! It actually might just help you if you’re still fighting the pirates, but don’t forget to get the milk
Tim
I won’t
Tim hangs up
Things start moving VERY slowly around Tim looks at the captain, who is swinging the weapon at Tim at a painfully slow speed, Tim walks up to the store owner, who is moving at the same speed as him.
Tim
What's going on? Why are they moving so slow? Is this some kind of prank?
Store owner
No, it's the stuff in the drink, we’re moving at an insanely fast speed cause our brains are basically processing things at an incredible speed
Tim
So, I’m moving at an insanely fast speed?
Shop owner
Yes
Tim walks up to the captain and punches him thirty times in the face, then walks away.
Tim
Let’s take these ladies home
Shop owner
Yes, let's do it
Tim and the Shop owner take the ladies home, and on the way the drink wears off
Shop owner
Thank you for saving my wife and daughter
Wife
We didn’t need saving, we were just having some fun
Shop owner
Oh please, they kidnapped you
Wife
I called them, they were just picking us up
Daughter
I didn’t know we were kidnapped
Wife
We weren’t kidnapped honey
Daughter
So this man saved us?
Wife
No honey, cause we weren’t kidnapped
Daughter
My hero!
She starts kissing Tim
Shop owner
Hey, stop kissing my daughter
Tim
Mmmmph, she's kissing me
Shop owner
Hey! I said stop!
Tim
Help, get her off me!
Shop Owner
Why? Do you not find her attractive?
Tim
I mean yea, but, I don’t really know her
Shop owner
I’m offended, kiss her!
Tim
No, this is weird
Shop owner
Fine, but, I should probably pay you for your services, how about, a HUNDRED GOLD COINS!
Tim
WOAH!
Wife
Honey, thats like, all the gold we have, why don’t you give him like, five?
Shop owner
Umm… well I offered him so many, wouldn’t that seem like to small of an amount now?
Wife
I don’t care how much it sounds like now, just give him five
Shop owner
Fine, here’s five gold coins
Tim
Oh… thanks
Shop owner
Well… goodbye
Tim
Goodbye
Tim goes back to the real world, and walks back into the apartment
Wizard dude
Hey, how was the adventure
Tim
Same old same old
Wizard dude
Did you get the milk?
Tim
No… I forgot
Wizard dude
Uuuuugggggghhhhh, you IDIOT
Tim
I got sidetracked! Don’t blame me!
Wizard dude grabs his coat
Wizard dude
Gotta do everything myself around here
Wizard dude leaves the apartment, gets in his car, drives to the store, walks up to it
Wizard dude
Looks like im gonna have to open the door with magic, Alikaz-open the $^#& up bitch!!
The lock unlocks and Wizard dude goes in the store, looks around, grabs the milk, and two 12 packs of beer, drops the amount of money needed in cash, and while he’s headed out front, a police car is in front of the store
Officer
Stop right there! You’re under arrest for theft of the third degree and trespassing
Wizard dude
Come on officer, I left the money on the counter!
Officer
I said don’t move!
Wizard dude
Fine
Wizard dude teleports into his car, and hides
Officer
What the hell?! Where did he go?!
Wizard dude
Ugh, now I have to wipe his memory, Memory go awayus!
Officer
Woah, where am I? Oh crap, this store is unlocked, I should probably lock it… wait a minute, there is a car here, and the store is unlocked… which means… hold on… there is probably someone in that car, who opened the store, and stole some stuff! That’s it, it all adds up!
The officer turns around, and the car is gone
Officer
Crap! Damn it! They got away!
Wizard dude walks into the apartment
Wizard dude
I got the milk asshole
Tim
Oh, that’s good
Wizard dude
Yea, I almost got arrested though, cause i had to break into the store, but now we shall have milk for breakfast
Tim
Why didn’t you just wait a bit? It’s 4am, the store would have opened in like 2 hours
Wizard dude
Shut up and drink some milk, i’m still mad at you
Tim
Whatever man, I made some pizza cause I knew you’d be this way
Wizard dude
Oh mah gawd you made pizza!? I love you man!
Tim and Wizard dude eat pizza, watching tv while the sun rises
Submitted: March 24, 2018
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