Episode 2 SPACE MONSTER!
Wizard dude
Yoooooooo Tim, I made breakfast boi
Tim
Oh, what did you make?
Wizard dude
Magic steak
Tim
Is this actually magic steak, or are you just putting the word magic in front of normal things again?
Wizard dude
Bish everything I do is magical
Tim
True, so can I eat it?
Wizard dude
Duh, it’s still a steak
Tim
Good, it smells delicious
Tim eats the steak and is teleported to another place
Tim
What the heck!
Tim calls wizard man on the phone
Wizard man
Yellow
Tim
Where the heck am I?
Wizard man
You’re in the Galaxy of constant peril
Tim
What? Why is it called that?
Wizard dude
Cause, it’s a galaxy that is in constant peril of being destroyed, and you’re the chosen one to help it!
Tim
How do you know that? Why didn’t you tell me beforehand?
Wizard dude
Actually, you’re not the chosen one, i’m just still upset cause you didn’t get the milk.
Tim
Yea, but I got us gold, and I made a flipping pizza for you
Wizard dude
True, ill send you a weapon
A rubber chicken appears next to Tim
Tim
Wizard dude, that's just a rubber chicken
Wizard dude
Never underestimate the power of the rubber chicken man
Tim
It is a chicken made of rubber, what is there to underestimate?!
Wizard man hangs up on Tim and three people run up to Tim
Tim
Asshole!
Boy 1
Sir! We need your help, our world is in danger!
Boy 2
Will you help us?
Girl
Please!
Tim
Well, It’s not like I have a job, or anything better to do. Who do I need to stop?
Boy 1, boy 2 and girl point at the horizon, where a city is being destroyed by a giant monster with big claws, teeth and giant horns.
Tim
Oh… Yea, i’m not sure that I can beat that, it’s leveling skyscrapers
Girl
Is that your rubber chicken?
Tim
Yea, why?
Boy 1
You’re the chosen one!
Boy 2
The prophecy said that a boy with a rubber chicken would save our galaxy!
Tim
I highly doubt that your prophecy said “A boy with a rubber chicken will save the galaxy”, and who made the prophecy? This all seems very strange to me.
Girl
My auntie Susan is the prophet, and she has never been wrong before, we’ll, accept for that time when she said that my prom dress didn’t make my butt look fat.
Tim
Okay, but, what could I possibly do with this rubber chicken?
Tim grabs the rubber chicken, it squeaked, and transformed into a giant chicken, made of metal
Tim
Of course… it was a magic chicken, a magic robot chicken
Metal chicken
How may I be of service?
Tim
Woah! You can talk?
Metal chicken
Of course master, I was created by Wizard dude to pick up his beer cans and pizza boxes, and beat up people who owe him money
Tim
You poor thing, could you help me beat that giant monster?
Metal chicken
I don’t know man, seems like a hassle
Tim
Oh come on, there has to be a way a large, robot chicken could help
Metal chicken
I can transform into a mech suit, would that help?
Tim
Uuhh, duh
Metal chicken turns into a mech suit
Metal chicken
*in a very deep voice* Let’s wreck this chump
Tim
Yes, let’s do that!
Tim gets into the chicken, then runs up to the monster at a very high speed, jumps and punches it in the face, the monster’s head moves upwards a bit, but swings and hits Tim, and he flies backwards, and goes through a couple buildings
Tim
Wow, such strength! But, I don’t see how it could destroy a galaxy
The monster forms a laser beam and shoots it at a planet in the distance, and blows it up!
Tim
Oh… That’s how, well, let's hope that that’s the only power it has
The beast’s fists burst into flames, it jumps at Tim, punches the suit, and it breaks, Tim blacks out
Tim wakes up in a cave, with a person dressed in tattered robes pacing around the room, then he stops pacing and gives Tim some soup
Hermit
Why hello there sonny boy ol pal
Tim
Ugh, what happened? And where are my clothes?
Hermit
You got wrecked by the giant monster, I mean, just beat the utter living shit out of you sonny boy ol pal
Tim
But, I thought the prophecy said I would beat it with my rubber chicken suit
Hermit
What prophecy? There’s no prophecy, or at least i’ve never heard one sonny boy ol pal
Tim
Really? This one kid told me that I could stop the monster
Hermit
We’ll, maybe this book could help you, I can’t read it because it’s not in our language sonny boy ol pal
Tim picks up the book, it says “Magic 101 for stupid helpless losers who suck at everything, written by… Wizard dude” Tim opens the book, and the 1st page says You Suck Tim! Tim sighs
Tim
Ugh, have you ever seen a whacky wizard pass through here before?
Hermit
Why yes, he’s the one who summoned the beast, he was yelling something about forgetting milk, and a person named Tim, speaking of names, what’s your name sonny boy ol pal?
Tim
Greg! Yea, Greg
Hermit
What an awful name, why couldn’t you have a good name, like… Tim, sonny boy ol pal?
Tim
Anyways, let me read some of this real quick
Tim reads some of the book, his eyes widen, and widen some more, his mouth opens, the pages start to fly by, the background fades out, and space appears, meteors fly by, planets collide, flowers grow, clouds fly by at a fast speed, night turns to day
Tim
This is…
Tim closes the book
Tim
I’m ready
Tim walks out of the cave, he closes his eyes, and an aura forms around Tim, his hair starts to float, he levitates in the air, and starts floating towards the monster, his golden aura starts to expand and take shape while he remains in the middle of it, it grows long hair, a beard, a stern face, eight arms, each holding a small moon, the aura Tim created looked down at the beast
Aura & Tim at the same time
Leave at once foul creature!
The monster lounges at Tim & his aura, but his aura puts out one hand
Aura & Tim
Halt, leave this instant, return to where you belong
The creature fell to it’s knees and screached
Aura & Tim
Flee or be SMITED
The aura raised all of its hands, threatening to destroy the beast, the creature quieted down, and burst into black flames, and disappeared, Tim’s aura disappeared, and he floated down to the floor.
The Hermit, boy 1, 2 & girl run up to Tim to congratulate him
Boy 1, boy 2 & girl
Wow! You actually did it!
Tim
Of course I did, I’m Tim!
Hermit
Wait, I thought you were Greg sonny boy ol pal
Tim
Oh, yea
Hermit
Wait, you’re the person the Wizard was talking about! GET HIM!!
Tim
Oh Crap!!
Tim runs away while the townspeople start chasing him
Townspeople
Get him! Tear him apart!
Tim
But I saved you!
Random Townsperson
You he’s right, shame on us, let’s give him money and treasure
Townspeople
Agreed
The townspeople start throwing money and cash at Tim, and some gold
Tim
Yay!!!
Tim starts grabbing the gold, then he disappears, and ends up in the apartment
Wizard dude
You did it Tim! Congratulations, you learned some magic, even if it was just basic illusion magic, you still fooled the Monster
Tim
SEND ME BACK, THEY WERE GIVING ME TREASURE
Wizard dude
Eh, that sounds like a lot of work
Tim
DAMN IT WIZARD DUDE
Wizard dude
Calm down man, you can get some gold on the next adventure
Tim
BUT I WANT IT NOW, SEND ME BACK
Wizard dude
But the episode is about to end
Tim
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SEND ME BACK
Tim starts chasing Wizard dude around the house, Wizard dude laughs his head off while he runs around
Wizard dude
Fine i'll send you back
Wizard dude puts out his hands
Wizard dude
Hocus Po-get the hell out of here boi!
Tim teleports back, and starts grabbing the gold and jewels
Tim
YES, YES! SO MUCH MONEY
Boy 1
Tim! You gotta help us!
Tim
What?
Boy 2
Our world is in dangeeeerr
Girl
There is a man running around kicking everyone on the balls
Tim
Do you really need me to save you guys from some random dude?
Boy 1
If you’re not gonna help us, I want my gold back
Boy 2
Me too!
Girl
Yea, give it back!
Tim
Fine, ill do it
Tim runs at the man who is kicking people in the balls
Tim
Stop it right there you fiend!
Balls man
Who are you!?
Tim
I’m Ti-
Balls man slowmo kicks Tim in the balls, Tim falls to the ground
Boy 1
Oh shit, a fatal blow
Boy 2
That’s gotta hu-
Balls man kicks boy 2 in the balls in slowmo
Boy 1
Oh no! Oh God no! Larry! Are you okay!?
Boy 2
George… I don’t think Ill make it *cough cough*
George
You’ll be alright! Remember the log cabin? That summer where you met Susan?
Larry coughs up some blood
Larry
That was the best summer ever… I love you guys…
Larry closes his eyes and his head tilts to the side
George
LARRY! NOOOO!!
Balls man
Muhahaha, You’re next boy!
A foot slowly kicks a pair of balls, but, it was Tim’s foot, he kicked Balls man in the balls
Tim
I… got you…
Balls man crumbles to the floor and wheezes
Balls man
*cough cough* How… how did you survive?
Tim
I have balls of steel bitch
Balls man stops coughing, and passes out
George
You… you stopped him
Tim
*cough cough* Yea, i guess I did
Some men dressed in knight armor show up
Knight
We are the royal knights, we are here to deliver a rational and just punishment to this criminal
Tim
Okay
The knights pin Balls man down, and a knight pulls out a giant halabard, and holds the blade over his head
Balls man
NOOOOO~!
Right before they cut off Balls man’s head, a giant space squid emerges from the ground, and starts attacking the knights
Knight
Oh no! It is the evil space squid that laid dormant under the ground for thousands of years, it has finally awaken to eat us all!
Tim
Oh come on dude, i’m tired
Tim calls wizard dude
Tim
Hey dude, can you help me deal with this space squid?
Wizard dude
Can’t man, i’m making some ramen
Tim
Can’t you just blow it up with fire or something?
Wizard dude
But duuuude, i’m making raaaamen
Tim
Ugh, you’re such a lazy asshole
Wizard dude
Well then, I guess I won’t be making any for you
Tim
Whatever
Wizard dude
Sorry, that was too harsh, and I already put in your half
Tim
So you’re not gonna help me?
Wizard dude
Nah, I can teleport you home though
Tim
Please do
Tim gets teleported back home, he pours the gold and jewels into a pile of more jewels and gold
Wizard dude
Ramen’s ready!
Tim
Aw hell yea!
Wizard dude and Tim turn on the tv and eat ramen together while the sun sets
Submitted: March 24, 2018
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