Adventure Dude Episode 2

Episode 2 SPACE MONSTER!

Wizard dude

Yoooooooo Tim, I made breakfast boi

Tim

Oh, what did you make?

Wizard dude

Magic steak

Tim

Is this actually magic steak, or are you just putting the word magic in front of normal things again?

Wizard dude

Bish everything I do is magical

Tim

True, so can I eat it?

Wizard dude

Duh, it’s still a steak

Tim

Good, it smells delicious

Tim eats the steak and is teleported to another place

Tim

What the heck!

Tim calls wizard man on the phone

Wizard man

Yellow

Tim

Where the heck am I?

Wizard man

You’re in the Galaxy of constant peril

Tim

What? Why is it called that?

Wizard dude

Cause, it’s a galaxy that is in constant peril of being destroyed, and you’re the chosen one to help it!

Tim

How do you know that? Why didn’t you tell me beforehand?

Wizard dude

Actually, you’re not the chosen one, i’m just still upset cause you didn’t get the milk.

Tim

Yea, but I got us gold, and I made a flipping pizza for you

Wizard dude

True, ill send you a weapon

A rubber chicken appears next to Tim

Tim

Wizard dude, that's just a rubber chicken

Wizard dude

Never underestimate the power of the rubber chicken man

Tim

It is a chicken made of rubber, what is there to underestimate?!

Wizard man hangs up on Tim and three people run up to Tim

Tim

Asshole!

Boy 1

Sir! We need your help, our world is in danger!

Boy 2

Will you help us?

Girl

Please!

Tim

Well, It’s not like I have a job, or anything better to do. Who do I need to stop?

Boy 1, boy 2 and girl point at the horizon, where a city is being destroyed by a giant monster with big claws, teeth and giant horns.

Tim

Oh… Yea, i’m not sure that I can beat that, it’s leveling skyscrapers

Girl

Is that your rubber chicken?

Tim

Yea, why?

Boy 1

You’re the chosen one!

Boy 2

The prophecy said that a boy with a rubber chicken would save our galaxy!

Tim

I highly doubt that your prophecy said “A boy with a rubber chicken will save the galaxy”, and who made the prophecy? This all seems very strange to me.

Girl

My auntie Susan is the prophet, and she has never been wrong before, we’ll, accept for that time when she said that my prom dress didn’t make my butt look fat.

Tim

Okay, but, what could I possibly do with this rubber chicken?

Tim grabs the rubber chicken, it squeaked, and transformed into a giant chicken, made of metal

Tim

Of course… it was a magic chicken, a magic robot chicken

Metal chicken

How may I be of service?

Tim

Woah! You can talk?

Metal chicken

Of course master, I was created by Wizard dude to pick up his beer cans and pizza boxes, and beat up people who owe him money

Tim

You poor thing, could you help me beat that giant monster?

Metal chicken

I don’t know man, seems like a hassle

Tim

Oh come on, there has to be a way a large, robot chicken could help

Metal chicken

I can transform into a mech suit, would that help?

Tim

Uuhh, duh

Metal chicken turns into a mech suit

Metal chicken

*in a very deep voice* Let’s wreck this chump

Tim

Yes, let’s do that!

Tim gets into the chicken, then runs up to the monster at a very high speed, jumps and punches it in the face, the monster’s head moves upwards a bit, but swings and hits Tim, and he flies backwards, and goes through a couple buildings

Tim

Wow, such strength! But, I don’t see how it could destroy a galaxy

The monster forms a laser beam and shoots it at a planet in the distance, and blows it up!

Tim

Oh… That’s how, well, let's hope that that’s the only power it has

The beast’s fists burst into flames, it jumps at Tim, punches the suit, and it breaks, Tim blacks out

Tim wakes up in a cave, with a person dressed in tattered robes pacing around the room, then he stops pacing and gives Tim some soup

Hermit

Why hello there sonny boy ol pal

Tim

Ugh, what happened? And where are my clothes?

Hermit

You got wrecked by the giant monster, I mean, just beat the utter living shit out of you sonny boy ol pal

Tim

But, I thought the prophecy said I would beat it with my rubber chicken suit

Hermit

What prophecy? There’s no prophecy, or at least i’ve never heard one sonny boy ol pal

Tim

Really? This one kid told me that I could stop the monster

Hermit

We’ll, maybe this book could help you, I can’t read it because it’s not in our language sonny boy ol pal

Tim picks up the book, it says “Magic 101 for stupid helpless losers who suck at everything, written by… Wizard dude” Tim opens the book, and the 1st page says You Suck Tim! Tim sighs

Tim

Ugh, have you ever seen a whacky wizard pass through here before?

Hermit

Why yes, he’s the one who summoned the beast, he was yelling something about forgetting milk, and a person named Tim, speaking of names, what’s your name sonny boy ol pal?

Tim

Greg! Yea, Greg

Hermit

What an awful name, why couldn’t you have a good name, like… Tim, sonny boy ol pal?

Tim

Anyways, let me read some of this real quick

Tim reads some of the book, his eyes widen, and widen some more, his mouth opens, the pages start to fly by, the background fades out, and space appears, meteors fly by, planets collide, flowers grow, clouds fly by at a fast speed, night turns to day

Tim

This is…

Tim closes the book

Tim

I’m ready

Tim walks out of the cave, he closes his eyes, and an aura forms around Tim, his hair starts to float, he levitates in the air, and starts floating towards the monster, his golden aura starts to expand and take shape while he remains in the middle of it, it grows long hair, a beard, a stern face, eight arms, each holding a small moon, the aura Tim created looked down at the beast

Aura & Tim at the same time

Leave at once foul creature!

The monster lounges at Tim & his aura, but his aura puts out one hand

Aura & Tim

Halt, leave this instant, return to where you belong

The creature fell to it’s knees and screached

Aura & Tim

Flee or be SMITED

The aura raised all of its hands, threatening to destroy the beast, the creature quieted down, and burst into black flames, and disappeared, Tim’s aura disappeared, and he floated down to the floor.

The Hermit, boy 1, 2 & girl run up to Tim to congratulate him

Boy 1, boy 2 & girl

Wow! You actually did it!

Tim

Of course I did, I’m Tim!

Hermit

Wait, I thought you were Greg sonny boy ol pal

Tim

Oh, yea

Hermit

Wait, you’re the person the Wizard was talking about! GET HIM!!

Tim

Oh Crap!!

Tim runs away while the townspeople start chasing him

Townspeople

Get him! Tear him apart!

Tim

But I saved you!

Random Townsperson

You he’s right, shame on us, let’s give him money and treasure

Townspeople

Agreed

The townspeople start throwing money and cash at Tim, and some gold

Tim

Yay!!!

Tim starts grabbing the gold, then he disappears, and ends up in the apartment

Wizard dude

You did it Tim! Congratulations, you learned some magic, even if it was just basic illusion magic, you still fooled the Monster

Tim

SEND ME BACK, THEY WERE GIVING ME TREASURE

Wizard dude

Eh, that sounds like a lot of work

Tim

DAMN IT WIZARD DUDE

Wizard dude

Calm down man, you can get some gold on the next adventure

Tim

BUT I WANT IT NOW, SEND ME BACK

Wizard dude

But the episode is about to end

Tim

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SEND ME BACK

Tim starts chasing Wizard dude around the house, Wizard dude laughs his head off while he runs around

Wizard dude

Fine i'll send you back

Wizard dude puts out his hands

Wizard dude

Hocus Po-get the hell out of here boi!

Tim teleports back, and starts grabbing the gold and jewels

Tim

YES, YES! SO MUCH MONEY

Boy 1

Tim! You gotta help us!

Tim

What?

Boy 2

Our world is in dangeeeerr

Girl

There is a man running around kicking everyone on the balls

Tim

Do you really need me to save you guys from some random dude?

Boy 1

If you’re not gonna help us, I want my gold back

Boy 2

Me too!

Girl

Yea, give it back!

Tim

Fine, ill do it

Tim runs at the man who is kicking people in the balls

Tim

Stop it right there you fiend!

Balls man

Who are you!?

Tim

I’m Ti-

Balls man slowmo kicks Tim in the balls, Tim falls to the ground

Boy 1

Oh shit, a fatal blow

Boy 2

That’s gotta hu-

Balls man kicks boy 2 in the balls in slowmo

Boy 1

Oh no! Oh God no! Larry! Are you okay!?

Boy 2

George… I don’t think Ill make it *cough cough*

George

You’ll be alright! Remember the log cabin? That summer where you met Susan?

Larry coughs up some blood

Larry

That was the best summer ever… I love you guys…

Larry closes his eyes and his head tilts to the side

George

LARRY! NOOOO!!

Balls man

Muhahaha, You’re next boy!

A foot slowly kicks a pair of balls, but, it was Tim’s foot, he kicked Balls man in the balls

Tim

I… got you…

Balls man crumbles to the floor and wheezes

Balls man

*cough cough* How… how did you survive?

Tim

I have balls of steel bitch

Balls man stops coughing, and passes out

George

You… you stopped him

Tim

*cough cough* Yea, i guess I did

Some men dressed in knight armor show up

Knight

We are the royal knights, we are here to deliver a rational and just punishment to this criminal

Tim

Okay

The knights pin Balls man down, and a knight pulls out a giant halabard, and holds the blade over his head

Balls man

NOOOOO~!

Right before they cut off Balls man’s head, a giant space squid emerges from the ground, and starts attacking the knights

Knight

Oh no! It is the evil space squid that laid dormant under the ground for thousands of years, it has finally awaken to eat us all!

Tim

Oh come on dude, i’m tired

Tim calls wizard dude

Tim

Hey dude, can you help me deal with this space squid?

Wizard dude

Can’t man, i’m making some ramen

Tim

Can’t you just blow it up with fire or something?

Wizard dude

But duuuude, i’m making raaaamen

Tim

Ugh, you’re such a lazy asshole

Wizard dude

Well then, I guess I won’t be making any for you

Tim

Whatever

Wizard dude

Sorry, that was too harsh, and I already put in your half

Tim

So you’re not gonna help me?

Wizard dude

Nah, I can teleport you home though

Tim

Please do

Tim gets teleported back home, he pours the gold and jewels into a pile of more jewels and gold

Wizard dude

Ramen’s ready!

Tim

Aw hell yea!

Wizard dude and Tim turn on the tv and eat ramen together while the sun sets