Adventure Dude Episode 5

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


This episode is basically a continuation of VEGAN WARFARE, I wasn't as passionate about it, but I still hope you get a good laugh out of it, or just enjoy reading it in general :)

Submitted: March 24, 2018

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Submitted: March 24, 2018

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A.D ep 5: We got beef

 

Int-Tim’s apartment-day

 

Wizard dude wakes up, he opens his window and inhales, he goes into the kitchen and turns on Loyalty and dances while tea boils, he pours some, then he sits down, the sun shining inside the kitchen, he grabs some bread and blows some flames from his mouth, toasting it, then he bites into it

 

Tim walks into the kitchen in a black and red robe

 

Tim

Mornin

 

Wizard dude

Hey man! How did you sleep?

 

Tim

Pretty good, how about yourself?

 

Wizard dude

Oh, I slept like a baby dude, I partied with the Vegans yesterday

 

Tim

Yea, I was there remember?

 

Wizard dude

Oh yea, I must’ve overdone it a bit and forgotten

 

Tim

That’s an understatement

 

Wizard dude

If you’re the one who drove me home, I apologize for anything I did or said

 

Tim

I accept your apology

 

Wizard dude

Hey, now that we own the biggest vegetarian  store on Earth, and are already seeing a lot of customers, why don’t we buy a house?

 

Tim

Hey, that sounds like an awesome idea Wizard dude

 

Wizard dude and Tim look at houses in the area, they find a nice one, two floors, and three bathrooms, they pack all of their stuff, and teleport there

 

Tim

Wow, this is awesome, I’m so glad that we made this rash decision so fast

 

Wizard dude

Well, i’m gonna watch some news

 

Tim

I’ll join you

 

News reporter

Shock and terror as we see a bomb detonate inside the apartment of former residentes Tim and an unknown assailant who goes by the name Wizard Dude, the day after their billion dollar lawsuit on Big Boss’s friendly beef company, is this just a coincidence? Or is some company out to get them now that the price of beef has drastically gone up?

 

Wizard dude

Oh shit

 

Tim

Wizard dude, what have we done?

 

Wizard dude

We pissed off the corporations Tim, We’re gonna die

 

Tim

Oh my god NO!

 

Wizard dude looks outside the windows, and hundreds of news reporters are outside, Tim opens the door and they flood around him

 

News reporter

Tim, do you believe that this is an attempt on your life?

 

Another news reporter

Do you have anything to say to the people responsible for the attack?

 

Wizard dude looks outside the other window, and sees a figure far off on a hill in the distance, he grabs some binoculars, and looks, It’s Ronald Mcdonalds, Wizard dude puts down the binoculars, then puts them back up, and the hill is empty

 

Wizard dude

Holy crap dude, we’re gonna die

 

Tim closes the door, his face is pale and clammy

 

Tim

Dude, there are a billion people outside

 

Wizard dude

I’ll deal with them

 

Wizard dude grabs a shotgun and runs outside, Tim puts his hands on his forehead, we can hear Wizard dude yelling “Get off mah land you lousy lowlife reporters!”, then he walks back inside

 

Wizard dude

Wow, the sight of me holding a shotgun didn’t even startle them… Wait a second

 

Wizard dude looks at the reporters, they all have an M tattooed on their hands

 

Wizard dude

Tim, get a gun

 

Tim

What? Wizard dude, we can’t just kill random reporters

 

Wizard dude

I SAID GET A GUN I'LL EXPLAIN IN A SECOND

 

Tim

Ok Jesus dude calm down

 

Wizard dude

They all work for Mcdonalds, I forgot they control the media!

 

Tim

That’s just a myth

 

Wizard dude

Look at their hands Tim!

 

Tim

Oh god, you’re right, we have to kill them!

 

Tim and Wizard dude start shooting, but none of the reporters shoot back, they all run away

 

The police show up

 

Officer

Wizard dude and Tim, you’re under arrest for murdering innocent civilians

 

Wizard dude and Tim both walk outside with their hands up

 

Tim

I don’t get it, I thought they were gonna kill us

 

Wizard dude

No, we got tricked

 

Tim

What do you mean?

 

Wizard dude

Whoever’s after us, they knew we’d freak out if we thought they were a group

 

Tim

So, you don’t think they all work for Mcdonalds?

 

Wizard dude

No, I think that’s what Mcdonalds wanted us to think

 

Tim

What if it wasn’t even Mcdonalds?

 

Wizard dude

It is… I saw Ronald spying on us, that’s why I freaked out so bad

 

Tim

Oh Jesus…

 

The car stops

 

Tim

Why did the car stop?

 

Wizard dude

I doubt were already at the station

 

The back doors open up, and Ronald steps in

 

Ronald

Well well, looks like we have quite the situation here

 

Tim

Holy $%^& it’s Ronald McDonalds

 

Ronald

Yes, it’s me, want a big mac?

 

Wizard dude

I could actually go for some right now

 

Ronald

Okay, that’ll be ten @#$% BUCKS THANKS TO YOU GUYS

 

Tim

Oh, is that what this is about?

 

Ronald

Of course that’s what this is @#$$ about! What did you think it was? Do you think me, the most powerful man in the universe just felt like stopping by to say hi?!

 

Wizard dude

That’s how the media portrays you, so that could be a possibility

 

Ronald

Yea, and Germany made Hitler look like the kind of person you’d want to have a beer with

 

Wizard dude

Touche

 

Ronald

Yea, this is about the beef, you mother!@#$ made it triple in price, and it’s almost impossible to get it cheaply

 

Tim

But wouldn’t the flavor taste better without the poisons inside of it?

 

Ronald

It actually does, but people don’t go to McDonalds wanting a fresh cooked steak, that takes like five minutes to make, and then the trouble of chewing it ten times more, they want to stuff it in their mouth, swallow and get it over with!

 

Wizard dude

Be that as it may, this isn’t even about the price of beef is it? There has to be more behind it, McDonalds wouldn’t be brought down due to this

 

Ronald smiles maniacally, and gets in Wizard Dude’s face

 

Ronald

You’re absolutely right boyo, this is about operation C.G

 

Tim

What’s that?

 

Ronald

Operation Cow Gas, now that beef has increased in price, people have stopped wasting as much beef, eating less of it, and the demand for cow is going down dramatically, soon, the world will start getting cooler, and we have been harnessing their methane to send to the overpopulated places in the world, and since those places are already hot, the people would die a very hot death

 

Wizard dude

Wow, i’m starting to regret having eaten that Big Mac

 

Tim

Okay, even if you kill us, what could you stand to gain from that?

 

Ronald

Oh, I don’t want your life, I want something much more valuable

 

Ronald pulls out a picture of Wizard dude & Tim’s vegetarian store

 

Ronald

This is yours, I want it

 

Tim

Our store?

 

Ronald

Yes, I want your multimillion dollar store

 

Tim

Why do you need our store? You already have millions of stores

 

Ronald

How do you think that we got millions of stores? By not taking people’s stores?

 

Wizard dude

We’ll give you nothing

 

Ronald

You don’t have much of a choice, you murdered a reporter, I have it all recorded, and the police are ready to take you in, this is a checkmate

 

Wizard dude

Take us in, I’ll get out without even a scratch

 

Tim

Umm… What about me?

 

Wizard dude

Oh yea, WE’LL get out without a scratch

 

Tim

Wow, thanks

 

Wizard dude & Tim walked into a courtroom, Ronalds sat in front with a bunch of lawyers

 

Tim

Uhh, Wizard dude, how do you plan on getting us out of this?

 

Wizard dude

I made a call

 

A man wearing a red and black flannel dress shirt, glasses, sucking a lollipop, and wearing sick shades walks into the room

Galactic Lawyer

Hey Yall, sorry im hella late yall

 

Judge

Uhh, who’s this?

 

Wizard dude

Our lawyer your honor

 

Galactic lawyer

That’s exactly who I am your honor

 

Judge

Okay, present your case

 

Galactic lawyer

Your honor, I have a proposal for you

 

Judge

Excuse me?

 

Galactic Lawyer

Did you see those reporters outside?

 

Judge

Uhh… yes, what about them

 

Galactic Lawyer

If you could blow one of them away, or even two, and get away with it, would you?

 

Judge

I find this question prepostu---

 

Galactic Lawyer

Please your honor, we are all under oath, why don’t you be honest with us?

 

Judge

Oh God yes, I’d blow them all away! I hate all these $%^&*()(*&^% reporters

 

Galactic Lawyer

Now, why would you condemn these two people for doing what seemed to be the natural thing to do?

 

Judge

Wow… I guess I never thought of it this way, but still, I can’t just let these two get away with a double homicide

 

Galactic Lawyer

Come oooon

 

Judge

We’ll, I guess you can go

 

McDonald’s Lawyer

Your honor, we didn’t even get to--

 

Judge

I already banged the hammer, now get the %^&* out

 

Tim/Wizard dude walk out with the Galactic Lawyer

 

Galactic Lawyer

That’ll be ten pounds of gold for the five minutes

 

Wizard dude

I got five, how about you just call instead of the other five pounds?

 

Galactic Lawyer

Sounds good to me, peace out

 

Galactic Lawyer vanishes into thin air

 

Tim

What the $%^& was that?

 

Wizard dude

My Lawyer

 

Tim

Oh, to be honest, if he wasn’t some whacky space person, I’d have been even more surprised

 

Wizard dude

There’s another kind of Lawyer?

 

Tim

What? Nevermind

 

Tim & Wizard dude start walking down the street, they take a turn, and Wizard dude tackles Tim, a bullet rushes past his face

 

Tim

WHAT THE #$%^

 

Wizard dude

Sniper!

 

They both start rushing down the alleyways

 

Ronald McDonalds is seen on a rooftop with a giant sniper rifle

 

Tim

He’s trying to kill us now!?

 

Wizard dude

He’s so pissed, that's probably the first court case he’s ever lost that badly

 

Tim

That and Liebeck

 

Wizard dude & Tim run down the alleyways giggling

 

They take a corner, and two men in suits bash Wizard dude & Tim across the head, they both get knocked out

 

Tim wakes up tied in a chair, Wizard dude next to him still passed out

 

Burger King

Hey Tim

 

Tim

Burger King?

 

Burger King

Yes, tis I, the King of burgers

 

Tim

I prefer carl’s juniors

 

Burger King

Shut up, anyways, I’m here to offer you a deal

 

Tim

Oh, is that why i’m tied to a chair in some dark room

 

Burger King

Actually, we tied you cause you kept falling out of the chair, untie him guys

 

Tim

Ouch, why did you have to knock us out?

 

Burger King

So you couldn’t know our secret location

 

Tim

Fair enough, what’s your proposal?

 

Burger King

Protection from McDonalds, we’re just strong enough for him to leave us alone

 

Tim

I don’t think we need protection, I got this guy to watch over me

 

Burger King

This one dude, against the legendary McDonalds?

 

Tim

He’s actually incredibly powerful

 

Burger King

No doubt, but, you can’t underestimate McDonalds, he will find a way to make you perish

 

Tim

What do you want from us for your protection?

 

Burger King

We want to own half of your store

 

Tim

Half? That sounds like a bit much, we’re actually making a lot of money off of that

 

Burger King

I know, we find half to be a satisfactory amount

 

Tim

Well, technically I own half of it, so I could only offer you 25%, I doubt you could get Wizard dude to give you his other 25%

 

Burger King

Let’s wait & see

 

Wizard dude wakes up

 

Wizard dude

Oh, you stopped me from falling down by tying me up, how lovely

 

Burger King

I’m glad you understood my intentions, your friend thought that this was a kidnapping

 

Wizard dude

We’ll, if I thought you were kidnapping me, I would have obliterated you

 

Burger King

I love this guy, can I make a proposition to you?

 

Wizard dude

I’m not giving away any of my store

 

Burger King

Come ooon, I just want 50%

 

Tim

I offered him 25% of my portion

 

Wizard dude

Nah, that’s way to much

 

Burger King

You do realize who you’re up against right?

 

Wizard dude

I’m fully aware, but, I have connections of my own

 

Burger King

You’ll regret this, but, as I said before, I have no intentions of attempting to piss off someone of your stature, take them back to where you found them

 

Wizard dude

No time, let’s go Tim

 

Tim & Wizard dude teleport back home

 

Burger King picks up the phone & makes a call

 

Ronald

Did you dispose of them?

 

B.K

No, I was about to, but they teleported away

 

Ronald

Ok, looks like i’ll have to do it personally

 

B.K

Jesus man, you’re scary

 

Ronald hangs up, and walks into a room, a figure is chained up

 

Ronald

I have a job for you

 

Hamburglar

What do you need?

 

Ronald

I need you to dispose of two individuals, and in return, i’ll release you

 

Hamburglar

My freedom, for the death of two?

 

Ronald

Do we have a deal?

 

Hamburglar

Yes…

 

Hamburglar grabs some guns, and explosives, and gets in a car

 

Wizard dude & Tim are back in their houses, the reporters were buried in front of the house,

 

 Tim

Oh shit, I forgot we killed two reporters

 

Wizard dude

Yea, REPORTERS, it’s not like they’re people like us

 

Tim

Oh yea, I forgot

 

They walk into the house, and look around, Tim turns on the television, Wizard dude sits next to him, and looks at him

 

Tim

Whats up?

 

Wizard dude

This seems like the right time to teach you some magic

 

Tim

Uhh, what?

 

Wizard dude

Let’s do it

 

Tim

Right now?

 

Wizard dude

Yea man, there’s like 30 people trying to kill us at this very moment, isn’t that usually when people learn new powers?

 

Tim

You’re totally right man, let’s do it

 

Wizard dude

Ok, what have I taught you so far?

 

Tim

Nothing

 

Wizard dude

Really? Wow, ok, uumm

 

Tim

How did you learn your powers?

 

Wizard dude

We’ll, back when I was twenty five, I was with some friends, and I was a junky

 

Tim

You were a junky?

 

Wizard dude

Yea, so anyways

 

Shows Wizard dude with some dudes, most of them on the floor, and others watching tv, Wizard dude takes some shots, and sees a white door in the corner of the room

 

Wizard dude

Where does that door lead too?

 

Junky

What door man? This is the living room

 

Wizard dude

But like, there’s a door right there man

 

Junky

Haha, try opening it man

 

Wizard dude stumbles to it, and opens the door, and goes inside

 

Junky

Whaaaaaat?

 

Wizard dude stumbles around, he’s in a totally black room, and a figure with 2 horns and a goatee/pringles style mustache stares at him

 

Wizard dude

What the hell..

 

Guardian of the door

Welcome pursuer of the arts

 

Wizard dude

TF is this place man?

 

G.O.D

Sober up

 

Wizard dude becomes sober

 

Wizard dude

Woah, that’s awesome

 

G.O.D

Are you ready to explore beyond what is known?

 

Wizard dude

What does that mean? Who are you?

 

G.O.D

I am the guardian of the barrier, I am the one who allows people to understand the unknown, the very fibers of creation

 

Wizard dude

Woah… what do I need to do?

 

G.O.D

Fight me

 

Wizard dude

What?

 

G.O.D

Yea bitch, fight me

 

Wizard dude

Uhh… like right now?

 

G.O.D

Yea, come on man, let’s go, right now

 

Wizard dude and G.O.D fight, G.O.D kicks wizard dude in the rib, Wizard dude grabs his leg, doesn’t let go, and knocks G.O.D over, and kicks him multiple times in the face

 

G.O.D

Oh my, looks like you won, well, enjoy your new understanding and power

 

G.O.D raises the doorknob, and puts the key in the keyhole, he turns the key, and a door appears, and opens, Wizard dude walks inside, then his pupils widen, his mouth opens, he collapses, all of the white around him starts seeping into his head, then he wakes up back where he was originally.

 

Junky

Haha, welcome back man

 

Wizard dude

Dude, I understand everything

 

Junky

Haha, me too man

 

Wizard dude’s hand catches fire

 

Junky

Woah dude, the %^&*

 

The fire goes out, then vines start coming out of his clothes, water pours out of his ears

 

Junky

Far out man

 

Wizard dude starts levitating

 

Junky

I need some water

 

Wizard dude walks out of the house, and walks down the street

 

Wizard dude

After I got my powers, I started learning more about them, then, one day, the door showed up again, and my mind got blown again, and I learned double the stuff

 

Tim

Woah dude, that sounds awesome, but did it change who you were as a person?

 

Wizard dude

I was so high all the time, I didn’t know who I was, I still don’t know if this is how I always have been, I don’t think it forces you to change, it just adds to who you were

 

Tim

Oh, well, I’m ready to learn

 

Wizard dude

I know you are, it’s just… I don’t know how to teach you

 

Tim

Oh, that sucks

 

Wizard dude

Let’s go into space

 

Tim

What is there to learn in space?

 

Wizard dude

The vast emptiness brings a lot of understanding, you sorta have to break your mind many times to reach my level of understanding, I call it the “Woah factor”

 

Tim

Woah… haha

 

Tim & Wizard dude teleport to a space station

 

Wizard dude

I’d like to rent a space ship

 

Worker

That’ll be a quarter ounce of quartz

 

Wizard dude takes out some quartz, the worker uses a mini lightsaber to cut off a piece

 

Worker

Ok, that’ll be 2 days worth, just make sure to stay out of the milky way, they still use primitive space crafts

 

Wizard dude

Tell me about it

 

Tim

Woah man, this place is awesome

 

Wizard dude

Get ready to see way more cool stuff

 

Wizard dude goes into lightspeed, and Tim’s face turns pale, his eyes widen

Wizard dude walks into a weird hookah parlor, everyone there has purple eyes, and are staring at patterns inside of the hookah

 

Tim

What is this place?

 

Wizard dude

It’s a space hookah parlor

 

Tim

These people look out of it

 

Wizard dude

Yea, it’s like weed, but the opposite, cause everything you think actually makes sense

 

Tim

So, ill get smarter while tripping out?

 

Wizard dude

Yea basically, you might even see the door

 

Tim

Sounds awesome

 

Wizard dude pays, and they sit down

 

Wizard dude

I’m just gonna watch, i’m driving later

 

Tim

Oh, so this does make you sorta high?

 

Wizard dude

Soorta, i’m just worried i’ll get super pensive and fly us into a black hole or something

 

Tim

Yea, you should just watch

 

Tim takes a hit, and numbers and formulas start popping up, atoms start connecting, everything else becomes blurry, he starts seeing figures, shapes, he looks ahead and sees a door

 

Wizard dude

*muffled* you see a door?

 

Tim

Yea…

 

Tim walks to the door, he opens it, he sees the figure, it smiles

 

G.O.D

The apprentice finally decides to show up, welcome!

 

Tim

I already know who you are, I’m here for my knowledge

 

G.O.D

Sounds fun, I can’t wait to see how this turns out

 

Tim throws the first punch, G.O.D dodges and throws a kick, him & Tim fight it out, Tim elbows G.O.D in the face, G.O.D punches Tim across his temple, he gets knocked over

 

G.O.D

Looks like the master still outshines the pupil

 

Tim throws himself back on his feet and puts up his hands

 

Tim

No way man

 

G.O.D

Oh my, this is gonna be fun

 

G.O.D and Tim exchange more blows

 

Tim

Wanna make this more fun?

 

G.O.D

Sure, what’s your idea?

 

Tim

If I win, you’ll show me your full power

 

G.O.D

Showing it all would actually kill you, how about half?

 

Tim

Sounds awesome

 

Tim roundhouse kicks G.O.D in the face

 

G.O.D

Looks like you’re ready

 

Tim

Wait a second If you’re the guardian of knowledge, why do you determine people’s worth through fighting?

 

G.O.D

Cause, you have to already understand enough stuff to see the door

 

Tim

Alright, show me half your power

 

The darkness in the room starts going inside of Tim’s head, and his eyes widen, his mouth drops open, G.O.D turns into a white light figure, his eyes closed, he opens them, his eyes are black, Tim stares into his eyes, and he faints onto the ground

 

Wizard dude

Tim, wake up dude, it’s been 7 hours man

 

Tim

Wizard dude, I saw his eyes

 

Wizard dude

Was he all white and stuff?

 

Tim

Yea

 

Wizard dude

Yea, I had to beat him like that to learn a crap ton of new stuff

 

Tim

You had to fight him like that?

 

Wizard dude

Yea, he gets harder to beat each time, only one person has beaten him more than twice

 

Tim

Was that you?

 

Wizard dude

Hell nah, it was Eric, that smart bastard

 

Tim

What’s he like?

 

Wizard dude

He built his own private universe to live in, and his friends

 

Tim

What the heck, how?

 

Wizard dude

He’s just that powerful

 

Tim

Let’s go see him

 

Wizard dude

Later, let’s go see what you can do now

 

Wizard dude & Tim drop off the ship & teleport back home, they walk inside, episode ends

 


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