Donald Trump Expels Sixty Russian Diplomats

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic


I got up this morning and saw that Donald Trump said he would expel 60 Russian diplomats in response to the London nerve agent attack. I wondered how he managed this and this musing inspired a
piece of flash fiction.

Submitted: March 26, 2018

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Submitted: March 26, 2018

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Donald Trump Expels 60 Russian Diplomats

“But Vlad, they're on to me”, wailed Donald Trump into his special “Back Channel” communication line. As an afterthought Donald asked: “It is OK to call you Vlad. Right?”

“I prefer 'Mr. Putin'”, said Vladimir Putin.

“OK, Mr. Putin”, said Donald. “But the press is going crazy with that Stormy Daniels thing and everyone just assumes you and I are in bed together.”

“American people think we make fricky-frick? You make them shut this up now. Or CNN get video of you with goat. You understand?”

“Oh no”, Said Donald. “By 'in bed' I just mean that they assume we're cooperating.”

“You are sure of this? I have hand on goat CD now.”

“Yes, nobody thinks we're making fricky-frick.”

“Da, Good. We keep it that way. Now what you whine about now Donald?”

“We need to slip the press a little bone to keep them quiet about our relationship.”

“Ha! You try that to Stormy Daniels and she talk about you all the time.”

“No, I mean give them something to make them think we're not working together.” Donald was becoming exasperated.

“Nyet! Russian spy network is very valuable. You find other way to fool press.”

“Vlad, I mean Mr. Putin, why do you even need a spy network when everyone here at the White House is on your payroll? Who are you going to spy on?”

I am not thinking of that. You make good point.

“And what if they somehow get me out of office for cooperating with Russia? Who will you have then?” Donald's voice had a pleading tone to it.

“Da. Is true.”

“So let me toss a a few diplomats, it will look good for us.”

“OK, you toss 60 diplomats”, Said Mr. Putin. “For now.”

“Why sixty?” Donald asked.

“That many graduate from Russian Spy Academy next week. They come to US and take over for those that go.”

“Just replace the ones that go? Replace the sixty old ones with sixty new ones?” Wailed Donald. “What if CNN finds out? They'll never shut up.”

“Is not my problem Donald. And I need other favor also.”

“What?” Donald cried in an agitated voice.

“I come to White House next month for summit talk. Yes?”

“The optics for that would be horrible! Don't make me do that!” Donald moaned into the line.

“Being Russian Bitch is hard life. No?”

 


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