She's not my dream, She's my destiny.

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic


A person bad at remembering dates; Remembers every small dates with you, with every seconds account. A tale about one-sided love that lasted for years and probably will last forever.

Submitted: March 26, 2018

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Submitted: March 26, 2018

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25th March 2014
It was just another day, with another morning, The only special thing about the day was that it had last 10th grade board exam. I was prepared for my last exam... unknowingly that maybe 10th grade is about to end, but something is about to start forever...
Examination hall (2.00pm):
Bell rang! Finally exam's were over, my paper was finished on time. I was happy, I was very happy, as I was walking out of the class with my friend in the corridor planning for the day and vacations, as I entered the corridor I felt, that day school corridor had different type of happiness in its environment, happy faces all around were seen. As I entered in that crowd like an another happy student,
"I saw her passing by!".


Let me tell you about myself(2014); I've had 2 girlfriends before, and even the moment I came across her(love of my life), I had a girlfriend even then, but I've never felt the feelings like "heart skipped a beat!", "Butterflies in the stomach!", "heart and mind racing together!".

I saw her passing by! and while I was gazing at her, my legs were moving but I felt like I was stopped at a place.
A girl was passing by my side, and suddenly, I felt all those feelings, all at once.
"My heart skipped a beat!", "I felt butterflies in my stomach", "My heart and mind were racing!"
Suddenly in that crowd of hundreds, I felt like it was only two of use, who were the only two walking in that corridor, Her cheerful face and smile made the crowd disappear totally for me.
She was just beautiful! She is just really beautiful!
My eye-sights were stuck on her. As I'm walking out of the school building following her in my own world of dreams, A friend hit me from behind and suddenly my dream world shattered in less than a second. I turned around to the friend, and then I turn back again towards her, But it's too late, I've lost her sight. World is too cruel, as it steals beautiful things from us. I felt like finding her. But I didn't even know her name ???? . I tried all my possible contacts in other schools to find her, but I was helpless.
It was the first time we came across for few minutes, then I thought I lost you, but
"You never know what tomorrow has in store for you ? "

9th August 2014,
4 months, 14 days have passed. I still can't get that girl out of my mind, heart and dreams. But it is very well said that "If you can't get someone out of your head, maybe they are supposed to be there."
I'm a grown up college student now, I was in first year junior college.Unlike other typical parents, my parents are forcing me to join a coaching classes, but I didn't want to go to any coaching institute.
But I was forced to do so. On this day I took admission in the coaching classes, still unwilling.

Mornng 7.15am,
I was a late admission, But as I step inside the door and look around, in those bunch of strangers, I find a familiar face, a familiar smile.Yes It was her!
"I saw her again! Those eyes!" ,"Damn I missed that smile!"
"She is just beautiful!."

I felt those feelings all over again. She was sitting on the third bench in the corner. And as I saw her, in that very moment suddenly all of my unwillingness changed into willingness to be in that coaching classes.
And suddenly in that batch of strangers I found my home.
"Sometimes home isn't four walls, sometimes it has two eyes and a heartbeat."

We met again in the same tution classes.
I was happy! I was very happy!
Th girl I lost 4 months ago, I'm around her. I get to see her daily, and after trying for few days...
I come to know her name. I check the attendance sheet and I also memorize her surname as well.
"Trust me! those lectures used to be a death ceremony for me, in which you were absent."
I searched her on Facebook, and "There she is!" I sent her a friend-request. Friend request was accepted, I was happy because we were talking in person.It felt so good when I smiled by looking at her, and she used to smile back, "Damn those eye-contacts!"
And happiness didn't last long!
It was fools pursuit.

I was a fool to confess my feelings to you so desparately on Facebook chats, and I still know that, my confession was the worst move, I was started being ignored by her.
It hurted to go to that class and not to receive a smile from her side, suddenly all the things that felt the best, started killing me from inside! But still, atleast I was happy to see her daily morning.
But again, my happiness didn't last long.

And there was a time when our batches were changed. And once again I lost her!
I couldn't see her daily, the coaching institute that felt like heaven, has slowly turned into a hell.
Sometimes I saw her in the classes I would try to make an eye-contact with her, but she always ignored. And this chain of ignorance from her side, and trials from my side started and it lasted for years.

29th March 2016, 12th standard farewell night,
I haven't seen her, Months have passed by, despite of being in the same institute. The only reason to go to farewell was to see her!
I entered with my friends in the party hall, It was a rushy evening, but still "My eyes were searching for my home, that has turned into a stranger."
And finally! I saw her.
"Oh god! there was no one else beautiful than you in the whole party. Perfect black dress, kohled eyes, and your perfect SMILE!"
Making me feel those feelings all over again one more time.
This was the second time when you made the crowd disappear for me.
"Remember the first time when you made the crowd disappear for me?"

I wanted her to ask this question but couldn't dare of going in front of her and utter even a word. I was already drunk, and seeing her in that black dress, I felt like I have had a cocktail!
But this time coming across you was much more beautiful because I got a photo clicked with you on farewell night. I remember you were dancing in the crowd with your friends, I still remember that moment with every seconds account: "I came to you, I held your arms in my hand, and slightly pulled you out of the crowd just for a picture. I dared to do so because I was drunk. But I hoped that you didn't mind. "Did you?"
I still have that photo saved everywhere, as well as in my heart.
And then you were gone again, but this time at least I had a photo of "US" to look at and smile, the only thing in which "WE" were together and close to each other.
6 days passed by, I was trying hard to convince myself, that "She's gone! She won't return, She won't even look back at me!".
Every morning I only felt drowned, unable to breath in my own world of dreams that won't come true.


5TH APRIL 2016
I still remember the evening of 5th April 2016, I was lying down on sofa watching animes on TV. Suddenly my phone rings with a ringtone that I've saved for a single contact in my list of 250 contacts. I lift the phone in my hand, "The phone screen flashing a '?' along with your caller image."
"My heart and mind started racing, heart was skipping continuous beats, and this time.... fuck butterflies! this time I felt a whole zoo in my stomach!!"
My phone was receiving the most awaited call. I never thought that i'd see that contact's incoming call on "MY PHONE!"
"I breathe in, breathe out" I answer the call, and hear the most beautiful voice I've ever heard, or probably I'll ever hear "Hello!" and first sentence that slipped from my mouth was "Maine kuch ni kiya!" (I didn't do anything!).
You laughed.
It was the first time I listened to her voice over phone, I was happy to receive her call, and she was laughing from the other side of the call on my stupid pick-up line!
But again happiness shattered into pieces, as I come to know that she called to know about a third person, probably the person she was in love with. I wanted to scream out loud but I had to resist my anger and frustration. Because somewhere deep down inside I was struggling to accept the fact that "She'd never be mine!"

And then later that evening something happened, maybe you cried out of frustration, and that was the moment I realized that i can't even see her crying, you slammed the phone call and I started calling you restlessly from evening 7 pm to late night 11.30 pm.
even by knowing that my number was blocked on your phone. By then, a deep aching pain had started in my chest as if I've had a heart-attack by just hearing her cry over the call. And that pain lasted more than a year. I know what I was feeling at that moment, "I could've gone to any extent just to talk to you, just to see you!" . I called you more than 200 times expecting that maybe you'd call me back , but you never called. I waited alot for your call or even a message, or at least to get unblocked.
And then I felt like I lost you forever.... You left.. by throwing me back to those mornings which drowned me to death in my own dream world every second, every minute...


And after 1 year 4 months and 18 days with that deep aching pain in the chest
17th August 2017,
I shared an Instagram post, and we've started talking like never before. Your superfast replies are giving me butterflies in my stomach. My aching pain has been cured. Yes I have a girlfriend now but as I said before "I've never loved anyone as much as I had loved you, neither I would love someone."
8th October 2017,
This time we even met in person 2 times (8th October and 14th October).
"Oh God! did I tell you that you were again stunning all over these two times, when we met."
I think I didn't say that, because when you're in front of me, I forget to flirt, I forget cheesy lines. The only thing that I remember is to gaze at you and hoping
"SOMEDAY SHE'LL BE MINE."
20th March 2018
We met again, but this time in third person, with two other friends. But never mind because I only wanted to see you that you're fit and fine. And even after 4 years you still remain the most beautiful girl for me. You still remain the same girl that passed by m in the corridor.

26th March 2018,
Present Day. 11.30 pm
4 years have passed by,
I'm sitting with my best friend,
He sensed my sadness. and questioned
"Still stuck in your Love at first sight?"
"Love at every sight"
I correct him.
I still remember that day with the account of every single second safe in my memories "25th March 2014" St. Xaviers School.
I'm ready to wait for the next 4 years as well, but in the end all that I want is "YOU, JUST YOU!"

I love you, and I think a part of you wants to love me.. or maybe I just make "HOPES" myself.
4 years 1 day later, today I realize that
"No one should be faced with your absence to value your presence."

There were times when you acted like I was everything you wanted and needed.
e.g. the nights we stayed awake till 3 am talking to each other sharing our deepest secrets.
And also there were times you acted like I was close to nothing for you.
e.g. The nights when my messages were not replied. And on nights like this "I pretend to think that you forgot to text me or you were just tired tonight. I convince myself. I tell myself, these lies on such nights. And on such nights sleep comes to me a lot before you do."
You gave me what you could give, your "friendship", but maybe I was too greedy to have you "completely mine!" rather than having you as "JUST FRIENDS". Or maybe I'm just scared that I'll be that's all for you forever.
Sometimes I feel like you want to love me, and also there are times when I even feel that you won't love me back ever because you've a lot of hurdles to cross before loving me.
Youve' also clarified this to me a long time ago.
"You can't marry her." Said caste.
"
It's forbidden." Warned religion.
"Its a disgrace." Cautioned tradition.
"
TRY." Whispered heart.
- And now finally my heart has convinced my mind
  "She is not my dream, She is my destiny!"


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