Welcome to Loneliness

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic


Short story I wrote some months ago, it is still unfinished so let me know if it's at least worth finishing


Gil woke up and realized he was alone. His hands will never hold anything, his whole existence and purpose were to be alone, even if he tried to avoid his solitude, at the end it failed, and he returned to the starting point. That was, and will always be his destiny, yet he will never accept his fate, for he still clings to a little bit of hope, that maybe one day someone will rescue him.

The room was dark, the light was being reflected from the only window there was, it was a pain, so I tried to move the curtains, but my body couldn’t move properly, so the curtain fell and all the light shone inside burning everything in its path. There was no escape from this torture I applied on myself, so I stood up after minutes of indecision and carefully placed the curtain once again, and returned to my hibernation.

I woke up once again, not because the sun continued its painful attack anymore, but because my stomach was growling intensely of hunger and I might seriously die since the last time I ate was like two days ago. I slowly walked while taking care of not stepping on any of my clothes or trash, I should have more care for my room, but I feel that cleaning is an unnecessary waste of energy, so I don’t excel in the practice of maintaining order in my comfort zone, and prefer the monstrous yet pleasant sight of this dirty room. As I approached the door which leads to the corridor I carefully placed my ear on it and listened to the outside; since I didn’t hear any sound I safely assumed no one was at home, so I opened the door and went to grab the usual plate of food which was left outside of my door, but this time, it was different.

This can’t be happening. There wasn’t a plate of food outside my door as always, but why? Did my mother forget to put it? Impossible, exactly by this hour every single day a plate with food was left outside my door, and I usually grabbed it, ate it inside my room, and returned the plate to where it was, yet this time it was different. Without any food I was sure to die a horrific death by the act of starving, and my only option was leaving my room; I tried to take a step outside, but my feet were trembling, and not just only my feet, every single part of me was shaking with anxiousness, I couldn’t do it, but I had to do it, but I couldn’t, so I didn’t. I returned to the corner of my room where most of the trash is piled, and I looked for the plates, sometimes I didn’t finish the whole plate, so there must be remaining food in some of them. I searched and devoured every piece of food I could found, meat, potatoes, cabbage, spinach, everything I found I ate, my hunger was satisfied, but my stomach wasn’t, I went into the bathroom and vomited until I was dry. My head felt dizzy so I returned to my bed so I could sleep and ignore this pain, I preferably wanted to play video games or look at pornography on the internet, but with this excruciating pain the only thing I could barely do was getting too excited, so I lay on the bed and closed my eyes, hoping it will all go away by the time I wake up again.

It’s loud; I can hear noise coming out of my room. Why can’t they be quieter? The noise continues for hours, sometimes it stopped, but other times it got stronger, it was horrible.  After a while things got quiet, everyone probably went to sleep, and so it was time to go outside. I tried to walk out of my room without making noise; I carefully stepped on the ladders so I wouldn’t wake up anybody.It was really late and it made my journey to the outside more difficult, but at the end, I managed to get to the front door and proceeded to my next destination: The Park.

 *

The only two places I could feel at ease were my room and Emi Park. Emi Park was located just a little far from my house, so I could go whenever I had the chance to; I especially liked it at night, since no one visits a park at night.  The place was mostly abandoned, it was all dirty and looked like a mess, the games were rusty and the placed smelled like a cemetery, it was really old but no one wanted to waste money on a place like this, kids don’t even spend their time in here anymore. I sat on a bench and started to think. I thought about the games I played yesterday, about the dreams I had when I was sleeping, about the horrible food I ate, I thought about the school I don’t go to and the friends I don’t have. I got depressed, I liked going to the park and relax on a bench as usual, but I hated that I had to entertain myself by thinking about stuff, which leads to remembering things I didn’t want to remember, and it made me feel ashamed with myself, unhappy with my way of living, yet I don’t know another way to live, and I don’t have the courage to escape from myself, so I stopped thinking, and played in of the swings, at least I could distract myself that way. I was merrily swinging when I caught a glimpse of something, no, someone, I think I saw someone watching me, I got scared, the only type of people who can be in a park this late can’t be any good, and I don’t want to lose my virginity today. But, can someone really be at this hour at this park at the exact same time as I? I couldn’t even look properly, so maybe no one was there, or maybe it was a stray animal, there were many possibilities, and it could even just be a delusion of mine, so I thought I could just ignore it and continue relaxing. I heard some bushes moving and braches tweaking so I swiftly jumped out of the swing, and ran as fast as I could, without looking back.

I don’t have the best physical condition. I became certain of that when I fell on the ground after my escape from the mysterious thing that was at that park; I stood up slowly and regained my posture, and decided that it was better to continue the path to my home walking, if I exerted, even more, I was sure to pass out and up in a hospital, and the last place I want to be is in a hospital. I continued walking while looking at the moon and the stars. They were beautiful, and for some reason, gazing at them made me feel calmer, like all my problems will go away if just keep staring up, but that was unreal and impossible, and I felt stupid having those kinds of thoughts, I felt like a deep character of a TV show trying to act philosophical, and it made me hate myself more. I hadn’t noticed it earlier but it was getting cold on the outside, maybe because I spend too much time on my room I can’t notice temperature changes, but it felt cold, not the harsh type of cold, but something fresher yet still suffocating. Winter is coming huh, I mumbled as I rubbed my arms hoping to get some heat out of it. I hate winter, it’s always too cold outside, snow gets piled up on the streets, and I can’t get outside on my midnight stroll because I have to wear like 20 jackets to survive on the harsh environment that is winter. I also hate snowmen, they are everywhere I look, they observe me intensely with their eyes, they spy on me, they judge me wherever I go, and why can’t they just mind their own business? Get a life you fucking snowmen. 


Submitted: April 02, 2018

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