Cipher II

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic


This is another school project I did. This one was done during January of 2017 I believe. Our assignment was to depict a "bridge to another world" and we were given twenty minutes to do so. This is
a scene I've had in my head for several years and this is just a short and sweet version of it. This is intended to be a preview for a book I plan on writing in the future.



In this scene, we see a team of soldiers sent to investigate a space ship infested with some kind of organic growth. It's not a plant, but something far more grotesque. Enjoy.



Cipher II 

All around us was the familiar grey metal of inner ship interiors. We were standing on the edge of a large ramp in front of a giant door. There were crates, pallet jacks, and beams piled up sloppily in front of the door as if someone had done it in a hurry. The door was nearly twenty feet wide and and pile of nonsense against it had to have stretched almost ten feet out. There was a lot of blood smeared on the metal floor in front of that heap; three distinct trail leading in different directions. To our surprise, there were no corpses or smell of rot. What happened here? It was eerily quiet in the room despite the large number of us: ten in all. It was almost frightening being here; the lot of us talking at this point solely to chase off the unbearable silence. 
We were an elite search and rescue squad from the moon "Io". The U.M. (United Military) had heard distress signals from a research vessel somewhere near our part of the solar system and requested we looked into it. Apparently the vessel was a research station leading in the development of human healthcare like drugs and plant based remedies for regenerating tissue and healing scars. There were other things mentioned, but I don't remember what they were. We were however told that a similar ship like this had been reported missing several months ago called the Cipher II; meaning this could be that very ship. Now I won't mention the conversations during our journey inside the ship but I will tell you only what I saw. I'll tell you only what's important.  
After we had moved that giant pile out of the way, we found the door was not only locked, but welded shut on all of its seams. Had three guys light up some plasma torches and cut the door right out of its frame, and I tell you what, when that door came down, we were appalled at what we walked into. 
Reluctantly, all ten of us peered in and covered our faces as some putrid gut wrenching odder swept into the room. It was like inhaling death itself. The scent clawed at my lungs and pulled at my stomach, nearly forcing me to double over and throw up everything my body had. It was so overpowering that it made my eyes water. The room on the other side was black with darkness, the lack of light only confusing me and adding to our fear. We walked in, coughing and choking on the nastiness that filled the air. What in the hell happened in here? As we moved in, it became so black that we had to switch on our flashlights. There was nothing in this known universe that could prepare us for what we saw next. 
In front of us, glinting in the light of our gazing beams, were wet, pale flesh colored walls. They had blueish veins like people do and some of them were even moving. There were several pillars in the room for supporting the ceiling, but they weren't grey steel like you'd imagine. No, they were veiny flesh-like columns reaching into the darkness; gross, stringy pieces reaching from the ground to about five feet high on the shafts. Continuing on with our mouths agape, each step we took made a spine chilling squish as tiny puddles of blood came from the floor. Our steps were marked with blood, making it easy to remember where we'd been, but the tracks only lasted for a few seconds. There was something very, very wrong with this place. It was like the ship was- alive; like it was some thinking, breathing abomination. No living creature could do something like this. No. There is NOTHING, in the history of recorded existence, that looks or acts like this. Is this even real? Maybe it's some sick illusion or some twisted nightmare. But why would I have a nightmare like this? I've never experienced anything like this before. 
Moving forward more, I remember hearing a sound; a terrifying, mind numbing hiss that made every hair on my body stand on end. We all started frantically talking to one another, panicking over the noise. I myself was wildly searching around myself, and when the hiss happened again it was ragged and drawn out this time. I neared one of the bleeding columns next to me and looking up, I saw a gaping red maw filled with rows of five inch fangs ready to greet me. Was this hell? Or was this some experiment gone vastly wrong?  



Submitted: April 12, 2018

© Copyright 2020 Liberator2033. All rights reserved.

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Comments

I am Nobody

First, this is all just my opinion and you don't need to take any of this to heart.
Details are great, but at a certain point, they start to take away from the story and just confuse the reader. I'm not saying you have reached that point but you are close.
First person POV is great, but you should still include dialogue. It helps to build the character. I feel nothing for your MC because from what little I have gotten he seems kind of one dimensional. I understand this is a short piece, but with just a little dialogue you could have revealed something of his personality.
It has great potential to be made into something good.

Fri, April 13th, 2018 11:40am

Author
Reply

I'm glad you addressed that. I'm not sure if you read my summary (which was more like a story about the story, my bad) I noted that I wrote this in school with only twenty minutes to do so. Believe me, I wanted to put dialogue in, but there wasn't enough time to set the scene. The object of this assignment was to write about "a bridge to another world". I wrote this with lacking dialogue purposefully so I could get across the feeling that the character had gone from one place and emmersed himself into another vastly different place of scenery. I think I conveyed that part rather well.

Now as far as dialogue and other things go, let me tell you a bit about this piece. This scene is suppose to have around eight or twelve soldiers in it, each one obviously has a name and their own personality. When they're getting off their dropship they're all suppose to be talking and joking with each other about what they think they'll be facing. When the group cuts open the door there's suppose to be more conversation and emotion in the people. When the door is opened up, obviously, everything is suppose to get tense between everyone. Now, I should also note what this story in my head is about. This specific scene is part of an unnamed story I have. The plot is super rough so far. I originally thought of this as a survival horror video game where you can pick to play as any of the character that come from the drop ship. As your team explores the horror of the infested ship you learn that the scientists aboard created an abominable bioweapon called the Terror Species. It was designed to envelope a small area, kill everything inside and then die out, but the man behind all of it had darker intentions, assimilating himself with the beastly thing he created so he can use it to rule the universe. David Schmidt is the man behind it. Your team's objective is to rescue as many survivors as possible and escape. The ultimate goal is to find David Schmidt, who you believe needs to be saved, until you find out what he's become. By then, you're basically at the end and all the characters are dead, leaving just you and Schmidt, who would have been the final boss of the game. With this sort of mentality about this story, I worked out every detail of the Terror Species and the different forms it takes, I have the environment down as well, and an image of what David Schmidt looks like as a monster, but beyond that, I have nothing. I feel like it has potential, but it's hard to think of a more complex original story right now. I just have to many stories in my head and not enough time to get them out.

Summary: you're correct about this scene, it's lacking a lot, but that's because I had less than half an hour to write it and have taken no extra time to improve it. It's not my primary work, so I take less consideration in improving it. When my book I'm writing finally gets done, I'll definitely rewrite this scene to the level of emotional prowess it deserves. Thank you for your time sir.

Fri, April 13th, 2018 5:25am

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