A Boy and A Girl

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic


A story of young love about A Boy and A Girl. The difficulties of growing up, and recognizing who you have when you have them, and trusting in them.

Submitted: April 15, 2018

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Submitted: April 15, 2018

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Okay this is going to start very cheesy.... but stay with me... okay? You promise? This story is long, biased off true events and people.

 

Okay, now that I have your attention and promise... I can now start this story.

 

Once Upon a Time, in a small town long ago (like 16 years ago... think early 2000's...) there was a 13-year-old Girl starting her 8th grade year at the local middle school. She was nervous, she had never been very popular in school, so she never expected to make any friends at all, let alone have a boyfriend by the end of the school year; now this story is not about how her 8th grade year went. It's just a starting point for this story... its how she met him: her first love.

 

Now, I'm not sure at this point, but because of how she wants to keep a lot of this private and vague if I'll ever get to give these people names, but she might let me at some point so don't be surprised if suddenly our characters end up having names, or continue on to not have any names, except maybe a simple term or nickname.

 

Anyway...

 

This Girl, not expecting to make any friends in her grade and her own age went to school on her first day. Everything began fine, starting the way the first day of school should; new classes, new teachers, and possibly new homework on the first day. She had always been told that 8th grade was a tough grade, so she expected to have homework the first day, and that was her only concern for the day. Being a Girl without friends she was mostly quiet and only spoke during class to answer a question when called on, or ask a question. She had a hard time socializing because she had been bullied since she started in this school system in the 4th grade. She spent lunch alone, getting her “free lunch” from the lunch line because she was an impoverished student. It usually consisted of a main dish, fruit or juice, and milk, chocolate or white.

Lunch was a lonely time for the Girl. She had no friends so she had no one to sit with so she sat by herself. She had been so sad that she cried that day because she completely expected to not make a friend, because the past bullies had ruined her reputation, and so no one wanted to be her friend. This being the case she sat and ate her meal, crying between bites and wondering how she had been dealt such a sucky hand. About half an hour later she noticed it would be time to go back to class so she got up threw away her Styrofoam tray (it was 2001, the whole green thing hadn't happened yet...) and headed to her locker to get her binder, notebook, and pencils for History. This is where our story takes its first turn.

 

Just like at the beginning of the day, and lunch she didn't expect much to happen at her first History lesson. She expected to go over the syllabus (yes, her school started syllabi at 8th grade, so by the time she was in college she was already very familiar with them), fill out the basic paperwork for first-day crap, and all that jazz. Well, it was one of basic paperwork things, that led her to meet him... her first love... the guy who stole her heart for the rest of her life... she didn't know that this would be the case when they met... it was just... a meeting to her... not a significant meet-cute that would replay in her memory for years to come, down to the very last detail.

Their history teacher asked them to come up with a screen name and password for their grades. This was so when he posted them on a paper on the wall that each student knew what their grade was but the other students didn't. She didn't know that something so boring would be so exciting.

She had finished with her screen name and password and went to get in line to give to her History teacher and a Boy, who was about two inches taller than her, a bit pudgy (but in a cute way! I promise!), with big brown eyes, brown thick eyebrows, brown hair in a normal Boys haircut, longish on top and shaved on the sides, full lips and a sweet smile covered in braces with blue cushions. This Boy was trying to get in line at the same time she was.

 

Boy: Oh, sorry, were you getting in line?

 

Girl: Y-yeah, sorry... you can go first if you want...

 

Boy: No, you go first, you were going to be first anyway...

 

Girl: Oh okay... thank you.

 

Boy: No problem. He said with a bright smile.

 

Their conversation lasted until the Girl's turn to turn in her screen name and password, so she and the Boy ended up parting ways. She didn't know but these 5 lines plus ( there were more than the five lines above, she just forgot the rest of the conversation, because those parts weren't as important as the first words they had both said to each other) would be some of the most important words that had ever been spoken in her life, with some exceptions. Those words would stay with her for the rest of her life.

Later that week, when she walked into her first period English class she was surprised to find that he was in this class with her too. She walked into the classroom to discover that all the desks had been moved and they could sit where they wanted. She had reserved herself to the fate that she's be sitting alone, but she saw the Boy. She was delighted to see him; he had become her friend. This particular class was memorable because they spent the entire class passing notes getting to know each other more, and then later during the pair work part of the class, she had someone to work with! Voluntarily! He wanted to work with her! It made her day, in fact, it made her year!

The two got to know each other and made some significant memories just as friends alone. She ended up, through the Boy gaining a few friends, his friends actually. Two other Boys who were in some of the classes he didn't share with her. They ended up being some of her best friends that year. They were great friends, always sitting together at lunch and enjoying their time together until it was time to go off to their post-lunch classes. These new friends of hers made her year just that much easier.

One morning when the Boy and Girl were headed to their second-hour class for that day which was History (their classes changed what period they were in depending on the day, for her Wednesday's had History as her first class after homeroom), their teacher met them at the door and said:

 

History Teacher: Head inside, the twin towers have just been attacked...

 

The Boy and the Girl headed into their History classroom, headed to their seats (at separate places in the class) and watched the news that was on the classroom television. The debris, smoke, and fire that engulfed the TV were unbelievable...How could this happen to the U.S.? This one historical point was one thing that the Girl would never forget, how she learned of it and who she was with. This helped her bond with her friend. It was a significant happening in their lives and the lives of the entire country.

This bond deepened over time, and they got closer making inside jokes, debating (lightly) different things (she can't remember exactly what because it was like 16 years ago at the time that this was first being written), and discussing others, these things were mostly geeky things like video games and movies.

They started calling each other, she called first after he had given her his phone number, the first call was super awkward, she had called while he was *ahem* predisposed, and so she asked his Mom to let him know that she had called, even though she was 100% horrified that she had called while he was busy. Then they started hanging out after school, because of the time she spent in a study hall like, after school thing her math teacher held so she could get better at the math she was learning. The Boy went sometimes too, if only just to spend time with her. Even though, she suspects that he would never admit it.

They had bonded so much that by the time Christmas came along, they had gotten each other gifts, the Girl forgot what she got for him, but she remembers exactly what he got her and the story he told her about those gifts.

 

Boy: Here... I got you a present.

 

Girl (surprised): Thank you! Wow! *takes small flattish, rectangular wrapped gift he gave her and tears it open to find a glittery blueberry lip gloss by lipsmakers and an emery board*

 

Boy: I wasn't sure what to get you, so I asked my Mom and she suggested those... I hope you like them... *The Boy suddenly gets shy and slightly flushes, which the Girl almost misses because he's so quiet about it.*

 

Girl: I love them! Thank you! *she smiles fondly at the gifts, and opens the lip gloss and immediately puts it on.* Thank you.

 

After that, she started to see the Boy in a different light, not in a Boyfriend/Girlfriend type way, but a really close friend type of way. He started to be her best friend. She doesn't think he knew that, because she didn't even really know it at the time, but he was. They got really close, spending more and more time together. Their time that they spent together after school had devolved to nothing but hang out time at the local library, and talking over various things, like hobbies and what they wanted to be when they left school. At the time she wanted to be a Special Ed teacher and he wanted to be an architect. She thought he could do it because he was so good at math and he had a great imagination. He thought she could be a special ed teacher because she was kind and smart. They really respected each other. The hobbies they spoke of were video games (yes, if there are any guy gamers reading this: Yes real gamer Girls exist!), books (mostly her), and skateboarding (mostly him). They talked about skateboarding so much that the Girl wanted to try it, even though she was terrified of anything that moved independently and kept her feet off the ground!

This led to the Boy getting her a skateboard for her birthday. Speaking of the Girls birthday, between meeting new friends (a kid that moved to the area from Missouri), her old friends that she only saw on the bus, and her new friends including the Boy her party was huge! They actually all managed to make it because the weather was actually very nice considering her birthday was in the middle of winter. The party was so huge she ended up ignoring two of her friends completely by accident, and if they're reading and have figured out who she is: She is SO sorry! She wasn't used to having so many people over all at once! It was a first for her, so she didn't really know how to mingle.

 

Anyway... back to the story...

 

The Boy, her friends, and her old friends ended up coming to the party, and she found herself spending more time with the Boy at the party than anyone else in particular. It was a shame that she did it too, because like in the previous paragraph she had ended up ignoring two old loyal friends. She enjoyed herself though, and she started seeing the Boy with a deeper appreciation than she had before. That night, her parents drove him home to his house. They nearly got lost because that night had been so dark, but when they finally got to his house, his Mom invited the Girl and the Girl's mom inside. I think the Boys mom suspected that the Girl and Boy liked each other more than they even knew at that time. That's where things got a bit deeper between the two of them. She saw his room, and his whole house and where he lived. She met his Mom and she is a cool lady (and still is to this day according to the Girl) the Boy's Mom made stained glass art, and it was beautiful, she had an eye! The house was very charming and was in the middle of the country. A place the Girl was familiar with because her family had lived in the country and her immediate family lived in the country at that current time. This moment in their history was important because for her; it moved their “relationship” from a “friend from school” thing to a “friend” thing and made it more intimate and close.

This friendship that she had with the Boy and his friends grew, she ended up making a female friend, she was a fiery, fun redhead, and about two weeks after her birthday party she ended up going to her female friends house for a sleepover, she was spending two nights in a row there to have some girl time. The Girl had had friends who were guys for a while so she needed some estrogen over testosterone. The Girl jumped at the chance to go over there, and while over there she had fun, experienced “cybersex” for the first time (yes, this friend wasn't the best influence), but still had fun, and had, had some much-needed Girl time. While she was at her new female friend's house, her female friend had to do a project and she invited another girl over to work on their project. He female friend had a big house, and a pool adjacent to the house with a pool house. The Girls female friend and her group partner worked on their project in the pool house, and the Girl had nothing else to do but hang out with her female friend's little brother, who was a year younger than they were.

The Girl and the female friend's little brother got to know each other a little and felt comfortable around each other, but it was in the way that “okay, her little brother is nice” kind of way. Later that day the Female Friend and her group partner came into the house with a half bottle of vodka and The Girl wrongly assumed (yes wrongly assumed, if the female friend is reading this, if she's figured out who the Girl is she's sorry she wrongly assumed but she was young naive and innocent and knew nothing of the world or of alcohol. All she knew was that vodka was a drinkable alcohol and that young people did drink it even though they weren't supposed to, and she didn't know you very well, and so she wrongly assumed what was happening) that they had drunk it... especially because they were acting in a way that made her believe that had happened. She freaked out and went and hid somewhere where the Female friend wouldn't think of looking, and after the female friend and the group partner left she went to her Female Friends little brother and let him know what she saw and that she didn't feel comfortable with what happened and that she didn't know what to do. He ended up calling his dad, and they ended up getting close after that.

The Girl and her Female Friend's little brother never let her know what happened that weekend, and she must have learned about it later when she got talked to about it. Anyway, they hung out with Female Friend Little Brother, and they started watching “Atlantis: The Lost Empire” and during the movie the little brother and the Girl were being silly and the Female Friend and the little brother's friend who was also over that weekend, encouraged them to kiss when The Girl had jokingly sat on the little brothers lap (Keep in mind the Girl was 14 and the little brother was 13), they started to chant “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” and so they did, this lit a spark in The Girl and she found she liked it, and so it dissolved into making out, and by the time she went home that weekend she had her first boyfriend... first boyfriend but... not her first love...

The female friend's little brother was a chemical romance. It was all off of hormones and not feelings or connection. It was all physical, and that came to a head when The Girl ended up finding out that the Female Friend's little brother was a bit of a Bad Boy and kept on going to Juvy, for some serious stuff. The Girl had to evaluate if this relationship was worth it, and by the end of her deliberation she decided it wasn't, and gave him an option: Keep getting into trouble and I'll break up with you, or be good and keep me. He couldn't help himself and kept getting in trouble, so she had to break up with him. She had no choice. She didn't want to deal with having a delinquent boyfriend, she deserved better than that.

The reason the Girl wants me to include this story in this overarching story is that its an important thing to include to compare the situations, not the boys but the situations, feelings and overall experience of the two relationships and why this one with The Boy was so important to her; and still is. Its also extremely important to mention because of her dating history started too early, and why she ended up making the mistake she ultimately makes that contributes to her ongoing torture into her adult years.

The Boy and The Girl eventually got to a place where they had decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend. They wanted to spend time together after school and have their “first date.” I put it in quotations because it wasn't really a typical first date, as in they didn't go to dinner and a movie, it was more like a hang out type of situation. This first date and their anniversary would take place on May 17, 2002.

That day the girl even decided to dress up a bit, she wore a gray cardigan like sweater with a fake shirt sewn into it. The Boy wore his typical outfit; a green t-shirt and jeans. They were excited about this date, it was a big first for them. That day, they had decided together to go behind the auditorium building to hang out, since there was shade and it was a bit more private than the Library.

Once they got back there, they sat in the shade against the back wall of the auditorium building, The Boy's back resting against the wall, and The Girl's back resting against his chest in between his legs. The Girl, being the curious type, asked the boy if he had ever kissed anyone.

 

Girl: Have... have you kissed anyone?

 

Boy: No.

 

Girl: Not even your Mom?

 

Boy: Nope, not even my Mom.

 

Girl: Would you like it, if I kissed you?

 

Boy: Yes.

The conversation closed The Girl faced The Boy and leaned in, and it seemed to take forever before their lips touched and the warm sensation of desire spread in her chest. It seemed new and old all at the same time. Even though it was the first time they had kissed, it felt like they had done it a hundred times before. The Girl pulled back and looked into The Boys eyes, nervous if he liked it, and the only indication that she had was his breathing, and the look on his face. She did not have the knowledge of what arousal looked like at that time... so she asked instead.*

 

Girl: Did you like it?

 

Boy: Yes...

 

The conversation about the kiss ended there they closed mouth kissed a few more times after that, but most of the day after that was walking around the small area they knew around the middle school buildings and the Local Library until it was time to go home.

The school The Boy and The Girl went to provided a trip to a nearby amusement park as a “graduation” type gift for the 8th graders that were graduating from Middle School and going on to High School. This particular trip was very special for The Boy and The Girl, it was the first time they would be somewhere where they weren't near home and under constant supervision. The whole 8th grade class took greyhound buses down to the amusement park, and to no one's surprise, The Boy and The Girl sat next to each other. During the trip, the whole class watched “Ever After” starring Drew Barrymore on the TV's on the buses, during this The Boy and The Girl pretended to watch it. While they pretended to watch it they draped their coats over their laps and pretended to be cold, so they could put their hands on each other thighs, this was very exciting and erotic to them because they were getting near parts they usually shouldn't be touching on each other, it was taboo.

Once they got to the park, the separated pretty quickly from the group and went to the arcades where The Boy won a ton of the games and got a lot of prizes. He packed them up in a bag and they moved on to ride some of the rides. One of these rides was a slow moving ride that The Girl was afraid to get on, but The Boy talked her into it. When she says “slow” its more like 40 miles an hour, while most rides were faster. The memory of riding this ride would be one of her most treasured memories, and she'd end up talking her sister into going on it when they went to the same amusement park with their church later that summer. Anyway... when they weren't on rides they were hiding behind buildings, arcade cabinets, bushes and whatever else could hide them easily and make out like crazy, the blood, hormones, and adrenaline pumping through their veins at the excitement and risk of getting caught, it was a heady aphrodisiac.*

The ride back home was the same as the ride down to the amusement park, pretending to watch the second half of “Ever After,” covering up with their coats, and slowly moving their hands up each other's thighs until they got to each other's crotches, oh they felt naughty indeed!*

They saw each other frequently over the summer going on dates. The Boy's Mom let them earn money for their dates by working in her gardens, it may sound awful, but it was actually fun, and The Girl learned how important it was to earn and spend your own money. The boy and The Girls first date was to see the first “Spiderman” movie that starred Toby McGuire. The girl wanted to go and see “Chicago” but The Boy thought that musicals were for girls and gay guys. He didn't really say the second part word for word, but The Girl understood anyway. They had a great time, and the girl held on to the ticket stub for years to come. They also hung out at one another's place, but they mostly hung out at his, his Mom had a lot of land, and they were able to go on walks around the large plot of land and find hiding spots to make out, but most of the time they stayed inside watching movies, or playing games.

There were a bunch of times when they were left to their own devices, and the two of them were so innocent, that the furthest it went other than kissing was The Girl would allow The Boy to slip his hand into her bra, and they thought that was so naughty. They didn't know anything, because they didn't know of anything more naughty than that. They had heard of sex, and of how things worked biologically. They just didn't know the other stuff it entailed. All he would do was keep his hand on her breast and didn't move it, just kept it there, and they thought that was so bad. It's cute, now that the girl thought back to it.*

Then their freshman year started. It was scary for The Girl because starting high school is different than all the other years before combined. The school was bigger, the population of students is bigger, and the odds of getting new bullies were bigger too. The Girl had a bad habit of gathering bullies. That was a small worry in comparison to her worry of not being able to see The Boy, her Boy as frequently as she wanted to. They only shared one class together, and she was nervous that that wasn't going to be enough.

 

 

 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

* I know these are 14 year olds, but this is not an exercise in pedophilia, it is an exercise of capturing what young desire feels like, the first kiss, the compulsion to make out with your Boyfriend/Girlfriend all of the times you can, the new feeling of taboo, natural acceptance and excitement from it all. The adrenaline rush from kissing some where you can get caught, and the adrenaline rush from doing it with someone you like.

The first day of school was better than she thought. The Girl and The Boy had, of course, their one class(French) together, but found that there were other opportunities to see each other, particularly

before and after school. Before school, they hung out in the schools Media Center or Library and played Magic Cards and talking. After school, they stayed to play Magic and sneaked around different parts of the school to make out, in different hidey-holes.

One of their favorites was to sneak into an unlocked computer lab and make out and make sure they weren't found by any teachers or fellow students passing by. It was exciting, and it was a way they could get a little privacy. They would spend hours in there until the girls' Mom would come to pick them up, and then they'd make out in the back of the Mom's van until they dropped The Boy off at his place.

Things were going fine, they were steadily making it through their freshman year. The Boy and The Girl found excuses to see each other and to stay after school. It was the most exciting part of The Girls life, the hormones were free-flowing, and The Girl was able to explore a bit of her sexuality. There were some close calls when it came to going the “full Monty” and The Girl wasn't sure she wanted to go that far just yet. She knew she loved him, and that she was sexually attracted to him, but they were 15 at the time and had plenty of time to explore that part of their relationship. The Girl put it off, and The Boy respected her wishes.

Speaking of staying after school, sometimes The Boy would have to go to his older sisters gymnastic meets, and he got bored quickly, especially waiting for his sister to compete. His sister vaulted and did the uneven bars. In between the two events he would have nothing to do while “watching” his sister compete. The Girl offered to go with him, and he liked that idea, so she attended just about all of her boyfriend's sisters gymnastic meets, and she enjoyed it! In the waiting time between his sister's events, The Boy and The Girl would talk, play Magic the Gathering or play Final Fantasy IX on his portable PlayStation. The last one was her favorite. The Girl enjoyed spending time with her boyfriend.

Summer came and with that, The Boy's sister graduated from High School. The Girl being the good girlfriend she was attended her graduation and helped get The Boy's Mom's house ready for the Graduation Party. The Girl even roped her siblings into helping! The Boy's Mom had a large bit of land that their house sat on, and a majority of it was grass. After The Boy or his Mom mowed the lawn The Girl, The Boy and The Girls siblings raked up all of the cut grass, The Girls shoulder still aches from remembering that! The Girl also made a “Congratulations Graduate!” sign in the Sisters honor for her party at The Boy's Mom's request. The Girl had a lot of fun at this graduation.

That summer thing changed. Not really between The Boy and The Girl, but all around them. The Girl's parents were not getting along like the used to anymore, and The Boy's Mom started dating a new guy, who had boys that went to the same school as The Boy and The Girl. The Girl and The Boy had made friends with another boy whose Mom worked in the High School Media Center, and she and the new friend were friends enough that the friends Mom helped her get the 5th Harry Potter book. The girl was very excited. These changes, little to The Girl and the Boy's knowledge would eventually affect their relationship.

During the summer The Boy and The Girl would see each other less as they both had gotten busier from each of their situations. The longest The Girl saw The Boy that summer is when she spent a week over at his house while her parents were separating and debating how to tell she and her siblings when they came home. That week The Girl went out with The Boy and his Mom to pick up some stuff from the store, and on their way back to The Boy's house, she spotted her Father's car parked in a peculiar place in a parking lot at the local grocery store, and she knew. The Girl's Mom had told her about a year before she was planning on leaving The Girl's Father, and The Girl didn't take it seriously, but she knew to take it seriously the moment she saw her father in that parking lot. As soon as she spotted her Father in his electric blue geo tracker she knew that her Mother had done it... she had told her Father that she wanted a divorce.

The Girl was devastated. The moment they got back to The Boy's house, she clung to him for dear life as her world shattered around her and cried into his yellow, green and red tie-dye shirt. He held her and held her as she sobbed. She felt like he was the only stability she had at that moment in time. She had had fun up until that moment, and she was eternally grateful that he was there for her. This was the first really hard thing she had to go through in her life, and he was there for her. The girl will never forget what he did for her that day.

Sometime during that week, or during the time getting ready for The Boy's sisters graduation party... she doesn't remember when, but she and The Boy were on his bed playing video games, she thinks it was James Bond 007 GoldenEye. She was laying on the bed on her tummy and The Boy was laying on top of her, both under a blanket, they were a kind of a totem pole, and his Mom came up to tell them that she was leaving to go do something, and told them “No Hanky-Panky!” and “Don't do anything I wouldn't do!” with a wink and left. The Boy and The Girl were really confused, they were too innocent to know what any of that meant and so they played video games the entire time that she was gone, The Boy laying on her the entire time.

The Girl looks back on all of these memories fondly. It wasn't until the moment of realization her parents were getting a divorce, and the new man came into The Boys Mom's life that things changed for her. It wasn't anyone's fault other than hers. The Girl's world was changing at a breakneck pace and she didn't know how to take any of it. Things kind of blur together for a while, when it comes to events and places, but the emotions and feelings are very stark, and clear in contrast.

The Girl upon meeting The Boy's Mom's new boyfriend and his kids recognized the kids. Her Boyfriend was super nice, and she really liked him. His kids, on the other hand, The Girl didn't really trust since she went to school with them and she knew that some of them didn't like her or her siblings. The youngest boy, in particular, was in the same grade as The Girl's younger brother and gave him lots of trouble, and The Girl could tell the direction The Boy's Mom and her new Boyfriend's relationship was going to take: Marriage. This set off a yellow flag when it came to the boys. She was afraid that when they became The Boys new step-siblings that they would turn The Boy against her and talk him into breaking up with her and she didn't want that to happen.

The girls own problems without thinking about the new step-siblings in her boyfriend's life, were staking up against her. Her parents were separating and her Mom was acting weird a lot of the time, and there were a lot of things that were happening that she didn't know how to handle. Her Mom actually ended taking off for an entire weekend without telling the rest of the family where she was going. It was good that The Girl had the new Harry Potter book to read or she would have had no escape from wondering where her Mom was that whole weekend. That had to be one of the longest weekends of her life.

The next thing on the horizon was in the next year The Boy was going to be able to take Drivers Education and The Girl could not because her parents could not afford it. This put a lot of stress on the girl thinking that she wouldn't be like her boyfriend and be able to drive. The Girl constantly worried that The Boy wouldn't love her anymore if she couldn't drive and that he'd find another girl that could and he would leave her and be with the driving girl instead. This was an irrational fear, but she feared it all the same.

The Girl had a lot of fucked up emotions and things going on around her. She should have depended on her bond with The Boy to help her through it because he hadn't given her any reason why he wouldn't. The Girl thinks that because of her parent's divorce she had the rose-colored glasses ripped from her eyes when it came to the concept of love, and a bond with a partner and this is why she didn't turn to him in her time of need. This was a HUGE mistake on her part.

The summer slowly crept on with The Boy and The Girl seeing each other more frequently because The Girl's and The Boy's Moms became friends. They spent a lot of time together but it wasn't all alone time, because The Girls younger siblings were brought along too because The Girl's Father was at work during the day. This, unfortunately, meant no long and drug out make out sessions with The Boy. It was frustrating to her and she'd tell her siblings to get lost. It got bad enough The Boy's older brother stepped in and kind of took her younger siblings under his wing and even taught her little brother how to make sloppy joes his way. The Girl's younger brother never forgot that and still uses that recipe to this very day.

The summer came to a close and things had settled into a new normal for the girl. Her parents were no longer speaking, she still had The Boy, Sophomore year and Drivers Education were quickly approaching. The girl was ready for school, but not the big change Drivers Education had in store. They were all growing up, her life was changing, and new things were on the horizon and she didn't know how to handle any of it.

One of these big changes was a change to The Girl and The Boy's relationship. It was encroaching on what later she would call a “comfortable place” and she, at the time, didn't know that that was. It was getting to a place where they didn't see each other as often, but still talked on the phone, they saw each other after school during chess club, they talked briefly in the morning, and The Boy was comfortable enough to hang out with his friend without her. A change she wasn't ready for because before they were together she was “one of the guys” and didn't know how to take it. All was good until The Girls' brain ended up over-analyzing it all.

All of this culminated in The Girl going over it all in her brain, and her insecurities got the better of her. The rose color glasses being ripped from her eyes on her view of romantic love, The Boy's new step-siblings, the fact that he was in Drivers Education and she wasn't, the comfortable place they were getting to, that she hadn't been in before, the fact that she got jealous that he wanted to hang out and play Magic the Gathering with his friends, even though that shouldn't have made her jealous, it should have made her happy. This comfortable place making her feel like he didn't want to spend time with her. She over thought all of it. She eventually ended up putting it all in some kind of weird equation in her head and it all equating to the worst mistake she would ever make in her entire life.

One morning before school she decided that she was going to break up with The Boy. I wish and she wishes she could tell you that she had really thought it over and changed her mind; she didn't. She picked up the phone that morning to call him and break up with him over the phone, but she got The Boy's Mom instead and told her that she was going to break up with him. The Boy's Mom said “Okay, if that's what you want to do” and that was that. His Mom never disliked her for breaking up with him or wanting to break up with him, in fact, his Mom still loves her, and by the hints she had received from her before The Girl had made the second big mistake of her life, she still wanted The Boy and The Girl to get back together.

That morning she went to school, and like normal headed to the Media Center first thing to hang out with The Boy, his friends and maybe play a few games of Magic, but that's not really what this morning was about; she had made up her mind, she was going to do it. She was going to break up with The Boy, in spite of everything. She didn't even think about telling him about how she was feeling. The Girl for not even one second considered that telling her boyfriend about her fears would actually be the thing she ought to be doing that day, instead of breaking up with him. She should have trusted him, instead, she pushed him away.

Through their relationship, they had talked about the possibility if they ever broke up what would happen, and it wasn't a happy conversation as you can imagine, it was quite melancholy. The Boy said, that if The Girl ever broke up with him he would never take her back. He would be too hurt, and he didn't want to end up doing the on again off again thing that a lot of kids their age did. The Girl respected that and knew if she ever broke up with him that that would be that.

She should have thought all of this through before she walked up to him that morning and said: “I need to talk to you.” But she didn't, and off to talk in between the back bookshelves in the Media Center they went. She should have told him about her feelings about everything, but she didn't. She said that she didn't love him anymore and that it was over, essentially... The Girl doesn't really remember what she said since its' been fifteen or more years... The Boy probably remembers though... you never forget the words you hear the day your heart shatters into a million pieces. The girl then turned around and walked out of the Media Center and up to her first class of the day.

A few weeks later she realized her mistake... and oh god, it hit her like a freight train going a million miles an hour. The Girl realized she broke up with her perfect guy... she had left him when she really should have told him all of what she was feeling. The feeling was like knives were being shoved in her back, her lungs, and her heart, while at the same time her heart was being ripped to the finest, most painful shreds. It's not like he left her, she left him. It was her own fault, she broke her own heart. She broke her own heart because she was too afraid to share, trust and depend on the one guy she should have done that with. She wrote poems and diary entries about how she felt and how stupid she was. There were days where she didn't even want to go to school because she was too sad, and didn't want to encounter The Boy.

In the weeks and months that followed the break up she would talk her Mom into taking her over to his house so she could explain herself, and eventually gather up the courage to ask for The Boy back, and she never did... she couldn't do it because she respected what he wanted, and respected him. She never wanted to disrespect him. The Girl never did explain herself, even though she wanted to. Her words would get stuck in her throat, and her heart would get heavy every time they went over there. The Girl never begged for him back and never told him how she felt because of a combination of the respect she had for what he said, her lack of courage, and she desperately wanted the times she was over there to be good times. The Girl, in the long run, realized that these visits probably hurt The Boy even more, and wounded him deeper than if she would have just left him alone, she feels awful and deeply apologizes to The Boy if he ever reads this. He would have been better off if she would have just left him alone.

The Girl eventually started feeding herself lies to get over the boy, even though she never would. These lies were things like, she wanted to know what it was like to date other guys, she didn't want to be with the same guy for the rest of her life, that he paid more attention to Magic cards than her, that he was a jerk (which he really wasn't he was one of the sweetest guys in all of the world), that she didn't want to ruin his life by holding him back because she didn't get to take drivers education classes, that she wasn't good enough for him. Ridiculous things like this.

On days when things got bad, she listed to sad songs, she listened to their song. The songs she would torture herself with were “The Reason” by Hoobastank and “Head over Feet” by Alannis Morisette. If anyone knows those songs you know which one was which. She would berate herself for giving up the one guy who loved her for her, that wanted her for her, didn't care that she wasn't the prettiest girl in the world... that accepted her. She reminded herself what she had given up.

In the years following she would date many people. Many guys, even guys that weren't good for her at all. Bad boys, and boys who were too immature and even a few girls. The Girl thinks she dated these people to drive The Boy out of her mind, and try to force him out of her heart because she knew she could never have him back. The Girl dated a few guys that changed her. One Guy, in particular, was four years mentally behind her, and she became more of a parent to this guy than his partner and this drove her over the edge, and her once gentle temper became mean and cruel, to the point she drove all but her college and life best friend away from her. In the long run, she thinks she did this as a punishment to herself for hurting The Boy so deeply.

Years later, almost 9 years later she met the man she married. The Girl thought she loved his man a lot. The Girl even had this man's baby. The Girl doesn't regret having the baby, only marrying this man, because he is the wrong man for her. He is cold, does things she doesn't want him to do, lazy, and unhelpful. She is now trapped. The Girl now has to make the best out of this situation. The man isn't all bad, he has redeeming qualities, like when her Father died of a motorcycle accident; the man was there when she was having a hard time at home when her Mom was dating this guy she didn't get along with; he was there. The Girl only stays because her baby needs his Daddy, she can't drive and she can't support herself or her baby on her earnings.

The day The Girl and the man got married, that very night, The Boy messaged her. The Girl hadn't heard from him in years. The last time they had any sort of communication was back when myspace was a thing. She had messaged him a very long apology for breaking his heart back when she broke up with him. This was strange to her and the way he had typed out his messages sent a mixed signal that confused her. He congratulated her on her marriage, which was very nice, and she appreciated it, but when it turned into a conversation about children that's where the mixed messages started. It seemed after she read it several times that he was trying to imply he still loved her, wanted to be with her and have children with her. This confused her, because if he did, why didn't he tell her that years ago?

The girl would have dropped everything the moment he gave her any sort of clue that he would have taken her back. Its 15 years later and she would still take him back, even though she is married! The Girl misses The Boy that much! The Girl regrets what she did, and how that had a large impact on her life, every mistake she has made in her love life was because she was punishing herself. This Boy is the first boy she ever loved. This Boy, she thinks, is the love of her life. He could have messaged her over myspace or facebook so many years ago and she would have dropped everything, school, her family, her friends, her life just to be in his arms again, just to have him love her again. The Girl was a kid and made bad decisions because she was encountering things in her life that overwhelmed her and didn't help her make the best decisions. Her immaturity was her undoing.

 

Here's a note from The Girl:

 

Dear Boy,

 

I still love you, and I still miss you. I wish that I hadn't of left you at all. I now

realize the mistake I have made. I'm not the girl I was before, I am now a woman, that

has changed. I am not the sweet, even-tempered young lady I once was, nor am I the

innocent, immature kid that dumped you because she was too insecure in herself to

communicate with her boyfriend about how she was feeling. I should have told you

everything I was feeling. I should have trusted that you would listen to me, and not judge.

I should have told you I was afraid that you would leave me because of your new

stepbrothers, or that you were getting a license and I wasn't. I should have told you that

my views on love were changing and I didn't know what to think or feel. I should have

told you I was unsure what was happening in our relationship and I was scared of it.

I should have told you that I felt like I was a bad girlfriend for getting jealous that

you wanted to hang out with your friends and play Magic cards because I used to be

one of the guys and didn't understand how our relationship had changed all of that.

I think your Mom knew that all of this was happening inside my head, and she

knew why I made the mistakes I did and doesn't dislike me for it. I think that's why

she still wanted us together, she knew I didn't hurt you on purpose.

I'm sorry I came over all of those times to beg you to take me back, and to explain

myself and I never did. I'm sorry I caused you more pain than if I would have just walked

away completely. I still want you back even though I am married. I love you and I will

always love you. I've wanted to say this to you for all these years, but I chickened out

when I was free enough to do it. I hope we can reconcile, and become friends again. I miss

the old days. I miss being yours more, but I'll settle for being your friend. It's not exactly

what I want, but its better than nothing.

Maybe someday if we are meant to be, it will happen.

 

Love you always,

 

The Girl

 

 

And with that The Girl gets up and walks out of my office, tears shining in her big brown eyes, behind her purple framed glasses. She sniffles as she reaches the door turns around and says.

 

“You can give them names if you want to; and keep in mind Quill, that your first love and your true love are rarely the same people; and if they are, hold on to them; try to recognize what they mean to you. Cut through all of the muck to get to the golden nugget of truth: That you love them enough to trust them, and communicate with them exactly what is going on with you and how you feel about them.”

Then she slowly turns, gives a deep melancholy sigh, and leaves.

I don't know what will happen with The Girl and The Boy, but I hope that someday, in spite of her marriage and if he lives far away that eventually, she gets her happy ending. She wanted me to learn from her mistake, and she would want you to learn from it too.



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