Live and Let Die

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic

Chapter 1 (v.1) - dead inside

Submitted: April 17, 2018

Reads: 297

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Submitted: April 17, 2018

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What is love?

Love is a variety of different emotional and mental states, typically strongly and positively experienced that ranges from deepest interpersonal affection to simple pleasure.

Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you are in love, you always want to be together and when you're not, you are thinking about being together because without that person, your life is incomplete.

Astrid had always believed that love actually existed, she had experienced the feeling herself. She knew how powerful love could be.

She had had all she wanted, she finished high school with good GPA and even started college. She had a family, which she still has but most important of all, she had Caleb, her love.

She had known him for all of her life and now, he was just gone. "Astrid, are you ready?" her mother asked her. She was in the church, the house of God, where his funeral was being held. She could never understand why weddings, funerals and baptisms happened in the same place.

Astrid sat on the first row, dressed in black and displaying the void that her soul had transformed. The only bright colour came from her hair. She looked at her mother and nodded. The power to speak hadn't gotten to her yet, but she would find it. Her mother gave her a tight hug. "Everything will be alright." she said softly as Astrid buried her head on her chest, trying to hold back tears.

She wanted so much to believe the woman who gave birth to her. Knowing that without Caleb on her side, she would never be the same.

Many people had shown up in his funeral. Astrid didn't agree with his parents about letting the whole university come. She knew Caleb wouldn't have wanted for so many people to be present. It would have been enough with just friends and family.

Standing up on her feet and walking slowly, she made her way to the podium. She never got nervous in front of crowds, but that moment she felt like she was going to pass out any second.

The speech was written the night before, only taking twenty minutes of her time, not that she hadn't any. It was easy to write about Caleb, easier than she thought.

"Hello everyone," Astrid greeted, forcing a smile on her face. The scent of incense, candles and the more solidly Anglican smell of prayer books, metal polish and flowers filled her nose. She could notice the brightly lit passage with its white-painted walls. Every head was turned towards her, waiting patiently for her to speak.

Taking a much needed deep breath, Astrid started speaking. "Sometimes I wished I was all alone, that I had never fallen in love. That way it would be easier. Caleb was my everything; my joy, my health, my eyes, my pain in the ass and sometimes the person I hated the most. We were born on the exact same day, September 24th 1995. We have grown up together." A traitor tear tried to escape from her right eye and Astrid did everything she could not to let that tear roll down.

"You want to know something funny? We had our first kiss when we were only seven years old. In that time we were just kids, we didn't know the true meaning of love. Then life went on, we grew up. Caleb had always been shy and it was me who asked him out. He never had the guts to do it. He said it was because he was afraid that his feelings were one sided. Oh, how wrong was he? I loved him with all of my heart. I had never imagined life without Caleb and now I have to live with his absence. I won't say that Caleb was a good person and didn't deserve to die. Everyone has flaws and Caleb was no exception. Have a good day!" she said as hot tears exploded from her eyes. She couldn't hold them back anymore.

Astrid wasn't one to run, but that time she couldn't help herself. She ran away from the church, people, Caleb... it was too much.

"Why did you go? Why did you leave me all alone?" she yelled while she was running. He couldn't hear her, he never would.

She was going to miss his blue eyes which mirrored her own, she was going to miss the smile that illuminated her day when she felt cloudy, she was going to miss the lame jokes. She remembered herself laughing every time he tried to make a joke. She didn't laugh because the joke was funny, but because Caleb failed every single time. She was going to miss the fading scar on his forehead, which she caused. It was Halloween and Caleb was masked as a robber. Astrid had thought he had broken into her house and had hit him with a frying pan.

She was going to miss his good behaviour. He was the one who had taught her to speak with politeness. He would correct her when she said a bad word. She always told him he was too good for this messed up world.

They had plans for their future together. He was even going to propose to her the day he died. They were going to get married in the same church where his coffin was and live the life they had always wanted. Caleb would be a lawyer and Astrid would be a police officer, just like her father. Caleb had always dreamed to be a lawyer, ever since he was a child. He hated injustices and always wanted to defend the innocents. Little did he know that would be the cause of his death.

Earlier, she said she couldn't imagine life with no Caleb in it. In fact, she couldn't handle a life alone. No one could love her like he did. Caleb was six feet underground and she was there, still breathing. She had nothing to live for, of course she had her family and her friends, but he was absent. Without Caleb, she would just exist, not truly live.

She hadn't realized her feet had brought her to her towns bridge. It was called The Savior's Bridge and it was pretty high. If she jumped from there, the chances for her to survive were slim. Astrid raised her head up, looking at the clear sky. She wished she had the calmness that the sky had. The day was bright and beautiful while she, she was just dead inside. There would be no light for her, Caleb was that light.

No one seemed to be there, the bridge was deserted. That was good, no one could change her mind. Astrid walked to the wooden edge and looked down. The river was calm due to the lack of rain for days. It was so clear you could see the smoothness of the rocks underneath.

History said this bridge was built thousands of years ago. It separated the two neighboring towns and often served as a battle field. The reason it was called The Savior's Bridge was because hundreds of soldiers had died in that place. Many wars had occurred there and the town had never been invaded.

It's the perfect place to die, thought Astrid.

She could do it, it was so simple. Jumping was what she had to do and she would be with Caleb in the afterlife, if it existed in the first place.

"What do you think you're doing?" a voice spoke behind her. That couldn't be happening. He couldn't be there.

Astrid cursed the day she met him, it was the worst day of her life. She remembered it perfectly, just like it had happened yesterday. "It's none of your business!" she yelled, not bothering to face him. She didn't want his face to be the last one she saw.

"It is if you're going to do something stupid!" the voice yelled back.

Astrid rolled her eyes, he couldn't leave her alone even when she wanted to die. Shouldn't he be happy? "Don't pretend like you care!" she snapped. Because she had her back at him, she didn't notice the guy was slowly approaching her. "Why would you care anyways? You are the big bad Owen! Everyone is scared of you, you only care for yourself." Astrid continued talking. She wanted to take out her grief, anger and pain somewhere and if she couldn't die, Owen would be her punching bag.

"Are you scared of me?"

"Me? Scared of you?" Astrid snorted. "Assholes like you don't scare me, they make me want to throw up. And if you even take one more step, I'm going to jump." she threatened, making Owen stop dead on his tracks.

"Don't!" Owen pleaded. Astrid resisted the urge to turn around and look at his face. She wanted to know if he really cared or if it was just an act, he could be making fun of her in her last moments. She wouldn't be surprised if it was the latter.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked. "Are you trying to mock me?"

"Of course not." the answer was immediate. Typical for someone like him.

"Sorry to break it to you, tough guy, but I don't believe you." Astrid said. With a last smile, she jumped.


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