Narrator's Story

Reads: 78  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: April 27, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: April 27, 2018

A A A

A A A


Author's note: Hello audience, this is the WRITER. This story is told by a narrator. Please bear with him. He is a pretty excitable person and here and there a few swear words may get loosened out of his mouth.

Also because of the service maintenance, a huge hole is formed in the fourth wall. So the narrator can converse with the in-story characters as well as the audience in the same scene. Please bear with it.

'Enough with the introductions. I am the narrator audience and here I go with the story'

Main story

"I mean whoever possibly wear these kinds of clothes these days. If you were paid to perform an old vintage Bollywood song on a crappy stage, then coming in this way would have been a very right choice. But for threatening? Seriously? Baggy pants with bell bottoms, multi-colored shirt, and BEIGE blazer?! Common dude, it's like shouting at this mob boss on his face 'I am just a noob who just watches a lot of gangster movies. Don't care about me, you can just kill me any time you want.' For the devil's sake, even the pretty, cute poodle of the fat, uptight second Mrs. Boss knows your disguise is just fake.

Now, what are you doing standing there and staring at the short-skirted sexy daughter of the fat uptight Mrs. Mob boss, you dumbo? I am going to unfreeze the scene, so you just run or don't blame me when the dalmatians and the bulldogs that are frozen in the air which are ready to pounce at you make a nice dinner of your thighs. And for the sake of Niagara Falls, please stop that waterfall."

.

.

.

"Good thing you loosened those hardwood cork boots kiddo. Nice pair of socks you got there. At least you got out in one piece decently, well not so decent in just your colored shirt and boxers, oh and socks. Now that the mob group is searching for you outside of this fat, bulged up, sweaty smelled stinking don house and you are all the way at the back of the mansion, thank the Mr. Narrator, me, for giving you all the instructions and just.... Huh? Why are you not in the frame? You stopped?

Whoa whoa whoa, why did you stop and why are you turning back. And what is that forehead squeezing frown you got there? You thinking? You seriously thinking? Now don't even think to think. All the muscle in your head, under your skull, the thing what you call brain just gives crappy ideas like going into a don's den like an old Italian gangster.

You seriously going back into that den again? Man, you seriously must love all the audience getting tensed up, don't you."

.

.

.

'Well audience, you can put your hearts back from your throat into the right place, not the right, the left of your chest, if someone doesn't know it. Our dear hero fits perfectly as a sweeper in these clothes and the stupid underling who came with suspicion, went far away. Where is our hero? No, he is not in this frame, he is over there in the cowshed. Why the hell I am here, you ask? Well, I am here because of all the stinking manure smell from the cow farm. All right, all right I will go there.'

.

.

.

"I don't know what the heck he is doing here at this time even if you ask me, kiddo. And mind your language you manure stinking milk maid- yes that's your name now kiddo, deal with it. And how would I know, I am just the narrator. Anyway, the milking person is staring at you. I know you suck at gangster acting, but man you ace at being a menial job person. That's it, just like being a sweeper, fit right into being a milkmaid. Hih hih hih. No, I am not laughing. It's the cows.

Man, the world cannot get any stinker that this."

.

"You did it kiddo. The can is getting filled. What is this smell? What the freck is this nose breaking new flavor of stink mixture? Wait, that's not milk. That is.... Ah, you stupid blockhead who sucks at being a gangster, milkmaid and all the jobs in the world except for a sweeper. You made the cow pee and you are collecting it into the half-filled milk can? The top layer is getting yellow. Argh, now I can't ever un-remember this scene. "

'Can we just black out the screen?'

.

.

.

"Well, you successfully managed to get into the house giving the excuse to deliver the "milk" that you collected. So now what? That lazy writer didn't include your background in the script. Why don't you tell us something about you, why did you come here in the first place and why are you searching this damn house like a mouse searching for food? No seriously, get up. It's very embarrassing to see you crawl like a mouse. Now speak up will you."

.

"Ok ok. I am getting up. Alright? Now to explain the series of actions that I took which included all the intelligent ways of me being stealthy..."

[Audio: Slap]

"Don't act like an intelligent professor and try to cover up your embarrassing activities"

"It was midnight. The trees on either side of the deserted street cover up the lane not allowing a single shred of moonlight"

[Audio: Slap]

"You trying to frighten me? Well bad for you because it didn't work. Now, why don't you tell your original story?"

"I am trying to tell you the same thing, you stupid bossy narrator who thinks he is the owner of this story. I know you got scared. I can see the sweat dripping down your forehead."

"Whoa, whoa. No need for the curses. You can make your story a little bit less scary though."

"Alright, I and my girlfriend are going out of the city for a weekend trip on my new damn hot red colored fully sporty looking but giving a great mileage bike and we had to stop on this deserted street in the middle of the night to take a call. Yes a natural call and it was me. The weather was chilly, and a soft wind was blowing. We were incredibly excited for the trip and because of the mood of climate or whatever, we started making out. I was passionately kissing her and made her sit on the bike...."

"Wipe that drool off your mouth, will you, narrator. I mean she is my girlfriend. I am the hero and she is my girlfriend. That means she is the heroine. Be nice to the heroine you stupid priest of lust."

"Anyway, while she was sitting on the bike she accidentally pushed the water bottle and it fell down making a loud sound on the calm street. I was taken aback by the sound and caught her hands tightly."

"She comforted me immediately. It is just water bottle she said and started laughing you know. Man, it's embarrassing...."

"Finished with your laughter, narrator? Now, where was I?"

"You got scared and your girlfriend laughed at you. That's where you were. Ha ha ha."

"Yeah yeah ok. Anyway, I was frightened she says, but I denied which is obvious because I was just taken aback you know, not frightened. She didn't agree and kept on saying that I was frightened and started calling me 'scaredy-cat'. However, I was given a chance to prove that I am not, which is why I am here."

"So your girlfriend asked you to come to this stupid house and threaten the don?"

"Not quite. See her father is the famous big don of this city, the owner of this house. She wanted me to come to her house announcing my presence and ask for her hand if I was daring enough. I know it sounds stupid and it is risky. But hey it's sort of exciting to oppose your future in-laws and ask for her hand daringly causing all the ruckus outside right. Besides, her father loves her a lot. He won't do anything if she comes and tells him not to do anything"

"You watch a lot of Hollywood gangster movies right. Does your girlfriend watch a lot of dramatic soap operas? Good thing you are at least assured of your safety. Is your girlfriend the hot one downstairs?"

"No. That is my girlfriend's little sister. You see my girlfriend is the daughter of the first wife of the don whereas the hot one downstairs is the second wife's daughter. My girlfriend doesn't know that I am going to come to her home today and I am going to surprise her.

Here we are, finally. There are bedrooms here. This must be her room. I wonder what happened. I mean she would appear if things got out of hand and she is nowhere to be seen. Why have you been quiet, narrator?"

"Narrator? Narrator...? What is the noise downstairs?"

"There he is. Capture him. Tie his hands and legs. How dare he intrude into the sacred house of our boss? He would make a nice dinner for the dogs"

"Shit, they are here. Why didn't you tell me about this narrator? Narrator? Damn, you have forsaken me? Aargh, this mobile of mine is bugging me ever since I was facing the don. I am gonna break this useless thing."

"What, a message from my girlfriend?"

{Message: Dear, I and my friends are going to the movies. Sorry for not spending this day with you. Do tell me everything about your weekend to me tomorrow. Bye baby. Love you}

"You kidding me writer? That's it? I mean I am just created to become a delicious dog meal? No way in hell. I am gonna escape through this window and I am coming for you."

"Don't let him escape or we are dead meat. Capture him at all costs. He is going to the poll outside through the window."

.

.

.

"Nice position kiddo. The mob group up from the window, the dogs from below and you latching onto the pole like a baby latched onto its mother. Did she pick up the call?"

"No, she cut the call. Where were you until now?"

"I had to take a leek."

.

*Trring* [Audio: Phone ringing]

'Dear audience, now this narrator is going to spare you a lover's lovey-dovey conversation of this dramatic couple and convey you the message'

"Hi baby. What's up?" she says

"I am in your house darling and I am in some serious shit. These men are going to kill me" he says.

"Oh no. why did you do such a thing baby?" she says

"Because of the bet we had baby. I love you so much" he says.

"Oh baby, you are so childish. You would do such a stupid thing for me?" she says. "Oh, I love you baby. I love you so much" she says, she says it again and again.

'What the heck. Stop saying it and save him already, you stupid dramatic heroine of a typical soap opera romantic love story.'

"I will call my father and explain the whole thing baby," she says. She cut the call.

.

"Wait kiddo, tell her not to call her father. By the time he comes here, you will be a dead meat already. Tell her to call that stupid fatty who is shouting from the window up there."

"Thank you narrator. I will call her now and tell the same."

.

"What happened? Why are you not talking to her and cut the call? Is it that your mobile's charging got finished in the middle of the call? Or is it her mobile's charging got finished? Or is it busy because she was calling her father? Why are you not speaking with her? Common don't make me nervous and tell me."

"She cut the call. You see my phone does not have sufficient balance and she has a Jio sim. It's free until this year end, you know."

[Audio: Loud face palm]

.

.

.

.

.

'Well, that's the end of the nerve-racking situation for our hero, audience. The don is very good towards his daughter, you see. He didn't say against their relation and agreed to marry them off. The whole group of the family is sitting in the main hall laughing and smiling. the servants are bringing tea and coffee.'

'The don is all friendly all of a sudden. "Please take this tea," he says but our dear hero keeps on rejecting it like a modest person. Little did everyone who is drinking tea or coffee knew that the milk is contaminated with some other liquid.'

'I know this is a sudden ending to the story, but we can't do anything about it. Our writer is very lazy.'


© Copyright 2018 sid1994. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments: