Disastrous Disturbance

Reads: 96 | Likes: 4 | Shelves: 2 | Comments: 3

Short Story by: Bruvton

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Status: Finished | Genre: Flash Fiction | House: Review Chain

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A storm is raging on, and I might have caused it. Please comment harshly, because I am entering this into a contest.

Submitted: April 28, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: April 28, 2018

A A A

Our teacher stormed in with an expression on his face like that of a Spartan warrior entering a battle against demons straight from hell, overflowing with anger and absolutely abounding with abundant animosity.

“Who was it?” he screamed, the violent waves of his thunderous voice shaking the classroom along with the lives of the students in it. He started walking toward me, looking me straight in my compunctious eyes. A flash flood occurred in the palms of my hands and they were raining with sweat. “Was it you?” he boomed.

“I don’t know,” I said, my voice and body trembling like an earthquake.

My statement acted like gasoline to the wildfire in his eyes as they raged with a new hatred.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” he howled.

I felt as if I were conjuring a tornado that would thrash the entire world around me, but I continued. “It wasn’t me who got caught,” I said with submissive confidence. It was the end for me, but I would go out strong. “I’ve already seen it.”

My weather forecast was correct. With a windstorm of words not meant to be said at school destroying my ears, the teacher punched a desk. There was a crunching sound, and I couldn’t tell whether it was the wood of the desk or the bones of his knuckles. I imagined my skull making a similar sound if the teacher got what he wanted.

The principal opened the door right after the teacher threw his computer at it. “What’s going on in here?” she yelled, her voice cracking through the chaos like lightning.

The teacher stopped, looked at me, and said, “He knows.”

After a brief pause, the principal spoke. “Kill him.”

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Flash Fiction randomness nanowrimo contest-entry

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Comments

MELEL

Comment | 28 words

Sat, April 28th, 2018 2:05am

Love the intensity in this! If theres one thing I'd critique, it'd be breaking that opening paragraph down into 2 sentences. Besides that, I thought this was great, bruvton!

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Comment | 10 words

Sat, April 28th, 2018 2:13am

Thanks for the criticism! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

hullabaloo22

Comment | 21 words

Sat, April 28th, 2018 12:52pm

I have to admit, Bruvton, I really enjoyed this. The not knowing what your character supposedly knows makes it even better!

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Comment | 6 words

Sat, April 28th, 2018 7:31pm

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

T. E. Jackson

Comment | 55 words

Sat, June 16th, 2018 9:08pm

Awesome flash fiction! I could truly feel the intensity there, the tension between the teacher and the students. Well done! This could easily be transformed into a larger story, with the plot twist you provided at the end. I left a few Icomments of things I think could be improved, nothing wrong, just improvement :D

Author
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Comment | 42 words

Sun, June 17th, 2018 12:59am

Thanks! I would have made it a longer story if it wasn't for the word limit I had. I made it for a contest, but I made the mistake of not editing. "They stumble that run fast." Thanks for the advice, too.