Agony's Embodiment

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic


Agony's Embodiment is my first piece of writing in quite a long time. It is a story about the visualization I made about an emotion that I feel daily. A dream I had when I was 13 years old that
turned into the predicted reality.

Submitted: May 02, 2018

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Submitted: May 02, 2018

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Agony's Embodiment

 

My eyes close and I am warped to what seems like a void.

Surrounded by blackness, I can only see one light.

A silhouette stands but the light is too bright to visualize what this shadow could be.

My feet become frozen and I am lifted above the ground, levitating towards the ghostly figure, I feel tears run down my cheek but in the color of red, but it is not blood.

 

The silhouette's arms extend for the hands to touch my face when I am carried into the gap where my head would fit.

I feel a light touch that doesn't feel like skin but it appears to be, but in the color of gray.

A voice emerges from the faceless ghost.

 

I am the embodiment of Agony, you feel the pain that you can not explain and I am the one who bears it.

I don't expect you to love me because I am nothing but a weary burden that won't go away.

I can never set you free and I am so sorry.”

 

The figure hugs me tight and I can feel the face forming on my shoulder.

She releases her grasp from me.

It is a beautiful woman with the recognition of no one.

Tears stream down her face in the color of blue, mixing with the red tears flowing from my eyes.

Making a perfect purple.

She continues to speak.

 

You don't know me, but I know all about you.”

Looking at me dead in the eye, she tells me.

You may not see me often, but I am always here.

I can never let go of you because I love you too much.”

 

 

 

 

The more she speaks, the more I recognize and begin to become confused.

My feet touch the ground and I back away from her.

I want to speak but there is no sound projecting, but she is reading my lips and understanding my words.

It's all anger and she can feel it.

She hangs her head low and in her breath, she whispers,

 

I am so sorry, please forgive me.”

 

A blade emerges from her hands but it is not meant for murder.

She slits her wrist and covers hand with blood flowing from the cut.

The bloods color is a neon blue.

She slams her hand on my chest and leaves the mark of a heart that glows neon red.

My breathing becomes heavy and my heart starts thumping faster and faster.

I fall over and in a flash, I am surrounded by beautiful cherry trees that are blooming.

She fades in.

You probably never seen these before but they will later become your favorite after what will become one of your favorite shows.”

She walks in front of the tree and with a swift swipe, the top half of the tree explodes into a million pieces.

She continues to speak.

 

Everything precious to you, eventually, dies.

We all die at some point, but me?

I die with you.

We were meant to be together, you and me.

You can not change your mind because I control it.

I am evil that is crafted in poison and blades.”

 

I try to fight but it only causes more pain to me.

She fades to the position in front of me and holds my cheek but I refuse to look down.

I am staring at the destruction she caused in complete disbelief.

 

Honey.” She tells me as she raises my left hand to the even level that lines up with her breast.

 

The Embodiment covers my hand from the top side and I feel the sensation of something wrapping around my ring finger.

Removing her hand, there is a ring crafted in steel and diamond with a cherry tree leaf on top of it.

She begins to speak again.

 

You are bonded to me forever and to break the bond would lead to suicide, but even with the action of taking your own, I shall die with you and to never find new. I love you.”

 

She proceeds to kiss me.

The warmth of her lips presses against mine and suddenly, it doesn't seem so bad.

She releases her grasp of my lips and backs up with my hand intertwined with hers.

These words leave her.

 

Learn to take care of me.

Learn to control me.

Train to hold me back when I become too much.

As much as I am pain, I am also strength.

With the lesson of hardship, you will understand the world the hard way.”

 

And as it was, I awoken.

The 13 year old slowly started to understand everything that embodiment said.

 

7 years later...

 

Closing my eyes, once again.

There she is, much older.

The same as me, in fact.

Still with skin in the color of gray but her heart now glows brighter.

 

You've been putting on some weight but it is still good to see you, nonetheless.

I've been watching you and I have been right in front of you, almost, all the time.

You've learned some things that I know you are not happy with me.

You can blame God for that.”

I stare at her with my pupils dilated and sockets widened.

Sprinting to her, I give her an incredible hug.

She tumbles back a bit.

Noticing that I have gotten taller and much stronger, she can't help but smile.

I can't see it, but I can feel it on my shoulder.

She begins to cry.

 

I've caused all of this to you.

I am the whole reason of pain and that is all I cause you.

I can never leave even if I wanted to-...”

Her eyes widen as I cut her off.

I am finally able to speak.

 

Because of you, I am what I am.

You've made me a better man in the worst possible way.

I don't know if I can thank you but I can forgive you.

You may be the Embodiment of my Agony but you have benefited me.

I don't know if I will ever find love or do anything in life while you're still here, but I know that when I leave this world, I was the whole way through.”

 

She hugs me tighter but the crying stops.

Lifting her head, she gives me a kiss and backs her head away.

The 3 words “I love you” are repeated but I can never say it back and she never expects me to.

 

I know I will see you again and when I do, I will tell you all about it.

I will learn to control you more, as time goes on.

As much as I know that you'll never go away, it will only help me become more and more stronger.”

 

Agony fades but the presence is still very clear.

 

Eyes open and I am staring at the wall from the bed side.

The presence of embodiment isn't visual but definitely sensed.

I can't help but smile even though it is painful.

 

The pain will continue but I am willing to take it.

I know she is always there but it isn't minded, anymore.

 

Agony will never be a perfect gift.

It is more of a curse than a gift.

I would never wish this pain upon anyone.

The benefit of it is that it will make you stronger.

While sometimes, it can be a bit much, you will get through.

Whatever wall it puts up.

No matter how thick.

No matter how thin.

You will become the boulder to the destruction that slowly get bigger.

Kind of like the snowball effect, it will only get more destructive to the depression.

 

You are not alone.


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