Traumatic Experiences

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Years ago I lived in a town in the valleys in South Wales. It was a nice place to live only my mother did not like our neighbours. I remember always wondering why she did not like them. We lived
there with my two younger brothers and my evil step dad who was called Mike. I was always locked in my bedroom. My bedroom was one of the back bedrooms. When I looked out my bedroom window there
was a forest straight behind my garden. I often sat on my window ledge watching the birds in the trees. My bedroom had a bed in it which was never made and almost always had no bedding on it. I had
a dolls house and a couple of Barbie dolls. It had a hideous green carpet and plain white walls. It was dull. More like a prison cell than your average childs bedroom. My bedroom door would have a
china cup on the handle on the outside of the door. Using the handle of the cup to hook onto the door handle. If I dare to open that door the cup would fall off and make a huge noise which would
alert my mother and my stepdad that I was trying to vacate my bedroom. As a young child I would often try this even though I knew the consequeses would be terrifying.



Mike was an alcholic and my mother had problems herself. I am still today not sure of what her problems where, but looking back makes me think maybe she had a severe mental health condition
alongside being scared of Mike, but I guess I will never know the truth about it all. My mother would allow me out of my bedroom when Mike would dissapear to the pub some nights. Heaven forbid he
came home early. When this would happen I would be told to hide under the kitchen table as the stairs where directly opposite the front door and he would catch me. Sometimes if I had a cough my
mother would be sneking me drinks under the table so i could drink them to stop me coughing and keep me quiet. It would be absolutley terrifying sitting under that table, praying that I don't get
caught because if I did I would get hit on bare skin with a belt or a slipper and dragged upstairs and thrown into my bedroom. Children should be seen and not heard. That was his moto.
Only that wasn't the case for my two brothers who where both his children and I was not. Some nights I was asked to go to the locl pubs to look for him and tell him it was home time. I used to like
being allowed to go out but at the same time it was very scarey. There was one pub called The Bird In Hand. I remember this one more than the others because everytime I would go in there they knew
who I was and who I was looking for and wether he was there or not they would always give me a can of coke and a packet of pork scratchings. If I wasn't hiding under that table, in school or out
late aat night looking for Mike i would be in my bedroom most of the time laying on my side with my ear to the floor so I could listen for the sound of plates clanging and I always knew I would be
allowed out soon for dinner. Dinner was always an awful experience. Like most children, I hated vegetables. So I would et whatever meat was on the plate and the potatoes if there was potatoes. I
would leave my vegetables as i didn't like them but Mike would make it clear that if I didn't eat what was on my plate that I was to go back to mmy bedroom and have it for breakfast. Most nights
the ice cream van would come around just after everybody would of finished their dinner. I was always the last to finish as almost everyday it was something I wouldn't like. My two brothers would
always be allowed an ice cream or sweets but I was never allowed because I was "Naughty" and didn't eat all of my dinner. I always felt left out, lonely and like I was a horrible child that
deserved nothing. This caused me to be envious of my eldest brother and i would often be horrible to him which would again resut in consiqueces.



I wet the bed as a child for many years. This was the reason I was not allowed bedding on my bed. So in the summer when my mother would leave my bedroom window wide open and I was not allowed to
close it, the bees from the forest would fly into my bedroom. For some reason i had a teddy on my wall. It was nailed into the wall by its ears. One Summer the bees slowly made a hive around that
teddy which attracted  lot of bees. Having no bedding on the bed and most of the time no clothes too, these bees would crawl over me when I tried to sleep and beause i would react, they would
then sting me. Eventually That got removed from my bedroom.



One thing I did enjoy was going to school. I went to a primary school called Caradog Primary School which was on the same street that we lived on. I would walk to school on my own everyday as my
brothers went to the local Catholic school. Everyday when I would get too school my teacher would wash me down in a hand bowl with strawberry soap which was in the shape of a strawbery and give me
clean uniform from the lost property I believe. I used to love my teachers. They would give me extra milk and biscuits and be sure I had seconds at dinner time. I used to feel special, I knew these
people cared. I often wondered if they knew what was going on at home but I would never dare to speak about anything. In fact that's all I knew and to a certain degree it was "normal" to me. I
would sometimes try and steal other childrens dinner money or dinner tickets to have that little bit extra though. Until Mr Roberts caught me one day. I remember being called to the head masters
office and there was my head master and my other. I knew I was in for it then. As soon as I got home my mother absolutley lost it with me and hit me loads of times, mainly my face had it. I
remember going to my bedroom and curling up in a ball crying for hours and hours on end.



There was this one Christmas where I went downstairs as I was allowed and there was only two piles of presents. I remember just looking and saying nothing, wondering why. Then Mike said to me that
Santa forgot to bring my presents as I was always naughty. I run back upstairs to my bedroom and again I would sit in the corner crying for hours. Before I ran into my bedroom this one time i run
into the bathroom and got some toilet roll to taake in my room with me. When I had finished crying I decided I was going to make a bag of sweets for myself with this toilet roll. I did this by
using one piece, fold it in half. Lick two sides so it forms a pocket, then scrunch up other bits of toilet roll and put them in the pouch as if it was a bag of sweets. That was an accomplishment
to me.



There where times where we would be running away and I would be helping my mum with the buggy. Sometimes we where walking up train tracks and i would have to carry the buggy with her. I never knew
what we where running from I just sensed danger and carried out the task as my mother requested. Some nights we would sleep in a field. Some nights it would be in a train station as she often took
us to my Aunty Wendys house in Newport South Wales. I used to enjoy going to Newport and seeing my cousins, in-particular my cousin Ceri - Anne as we where close ages and we used to play together
all the time. Most of the time we would play on her skateboard, both sitting on it going down a really big hill not far from my aunties house. If we wasn't playing on the skateboard we would be
sitting in milk crates going down steps. I would say I remember more good times there than bad but there where still bad times there too.

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chapter 1

Submitted: May 03, 2018

Years ago I lived in a town in the valleys in South Wales. It was a nice place to live only my mother did not like our neighbours. I reme... Read Chapter