Do Not Pray

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic

Because the one's listening to your prayers, you do not want them to answer back.

Submitted: May 06, 2018

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Submitted: May 06, 2018



I was never a spiritual person, regardless of the fact that I was raised in a very Christian household. Perhaps calling it Christian is not the smartest way to describe my household. I mean, another household could be just as Christian as ours, but it is actually a Jewish household instead- or any other religion for that matter.

Religious- ah, yes. This term is the one that everyone believes is the biggest and boldest shield they could use- especially if they are at their weakest point. The thing is that this shield is used differently than others. One uses it in a spiritual way rather than in a physical one. This means that this shield can be used to defend actions, or hide behind them to avoid being hurt in the afterlife. Instead of fighting an enemy using a shield to defend, this shield is used as a disguise of all the nasty and neglected deeds any believer acts upon.

When it is the end of the night, and I have my body and mind rested- I choose not to pray. I have no shame in confessing this. I do think about it, but it is never a practice I imagine myself following. I think about how religious people, unlike me, put their hands together so effortlessly and communicate to this divine entity as if they are meant to answer them back, as if their whole lives depend on it! How ridiculous! I pity the ones who are great believers in having their prayers answered. Why can it not be interpreted as things just coincidentally happening- whether bad or good- rather than thanking or begging something or someone to change or keep things as is? There is no explanation needed behind why things just happen.

I guess getting chemotherapy gets me thinking of all the scarier thoughts that I never really gave myself time to acknowledge- including this. I have completed two out of the six weeks needed to be treated, and I already feel the difference in myself. At first, I had the support of my family. They would come with me during my sessions, so I would have no time to think about anything. When my family noticed that I could handle going to sessions on my own, they let me. I was fine with it. I had my gameboy, so the time passed by pretty quick. However, things started to change recently. I started using my sessions to also meditate and think about things that have to do with the afterlife. I see all the patients around me, and you can blindly tell that they are religious. It disgusts me- for it is all but a damn lie- a camouflage!

I have had it with this bullshit. I cannot be around a bunch of phony believers, in this tiny room with germs flying everywhere, thinking that they will be forsaken of all their sins by those who listen to their prayers. I see a girl around my age coming through the door. I have not seen her before, so I am guessing this is her first time coming to chemotherapy. She sits beside me. She seems nervous. I look at her and say, “Do not pray. Whatever the fuck you do, do not pray. Because the ones that are listening, you do not want them to answer”. I guess this is how I might end up being spiritual after all.

© Copyright 2019 Noor G. Aboul Enain. All rights reserved.

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