Trailblazer

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic


story about the mindset of society and a struggle of a dreamer to create his own destiny

Submitted: May 09, 2018

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Submitted: May 09, 2018

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The Trailblazer  

 

(Dedicated to all the dreamers out there.)

 

“I hurt myself today….”(song by johnny cash) was playing on my phone as i was gazing through the thick glass panel of Delhi metro, then i looked around in my compartment and saw, like me most of the commuters with their smartphones and headphones trying to find some kind of solace in the virtual world and taking a break from their monotonous 9 to 5 job.

The metro i board always had a majority of youngsters in their formals returning to their homes or hostel or PG’s after completing their shifts probably in some big MNC’s. As i looked around i took out my ID card and stared at the photo of me taken shortly after my graduation, i realised that i lost that spark and confidence down the lane. I paused the song and looked out the window to admire the concrete jungle and city lights during the sunset, with each moment passing by, the darkness grew stronger while we were leaving behind buildings and traffic to reach the destination. This made me think of all the time that passed by, when i was little i wanted to be an astronaut and walk on the moon, but as i gained height my self expectations diminished and then like most of the people completed my engineering, joined a MNC after graduation and became a nobody like my fellow commuters. The metro i boarded was basically a sea of robots in different uniforms. I saw a man in his late 40’s sitting in front of me checking his WhatsApp feed and  i saw my future in him and that mental picture shook me to my core. I already spent a year working as a software analyst and each passing day added to my misery but still on very next day i was always first in line to punch my attendance.

My life till now is like a road trip mapped out by so called SOCIETY, where i’ve already covered birth, useless pissing contest of academia with kith & kins, engineering(or doctor),Job and i am en route to MBA, same job again, get married and die, whatever happened to live your life to the fullest.

This led to me thinking of all those times when i decided to just pivot from my arduous life to something that will lead to my heart pounding and regenerate that old spark but i failed consistently till date and as i look around the my world i feel like a piece of puzzle that doesn’t fit. Everybody’s have a saturation point and I’ve reached mine’s months ago. In my mind I’ve many times created this beautiful picture of me sitting by myself on the  hillside of Keylong Valley in Himachal Pradesh, completely lost in my thoughts watching the perfect sunset whilst taking small sips from the pint of my favourite beer. The interesting part about that is nobody is stopping me to do that but there is some internal force that dictates the terms of our actually behaviour and separates our reality from our dreams however real they are it always plays a trump card of fear and hesitation and our mind concedes, therefore once again realists wins over dreamers.Once a confident and spontaneous person is now turned into a insecure and doubtful person living a mediocre life because he lost his self respect. I was so lost in soul searching that i missed my stop.

As the metro progressed i was waiting for the next station to de board and then something different happened. When i looked outside the metro i saw a whole new and refreshing canvas of the city, i felt excited just by gazing outside of glass panel in-front of me. I don’t know what happened, it was the same city with same traffic topped with narrow buildings and franchise outlets but seeing something different for a change excited me at that time.

Although I was uncertain and unfamiliar with the next station and my way to home, i was also somewhat curious of the series of new events i was about to encounter.I was ready to de board as the metro slowed down at gradual pace and finally came to halt. As soon as the gate opened the wave of people came rushing out of the gates and was pacing towards the exit gates. The people seemed to be in so hurry as if their whole world will fall into disarray if they slowed down. That is exactly the type of person i don’t wanna be, that whole picture of people’s wave of chaos headed for the  outlet summed up the life of every corporate person in a big cosmopolitan who is always in some kind of petty race with their colleagues and always running towards oblivion regardless of his/her health and peace of mind, also leaving behind everything he/she used to love like watching a late night movie with the family or a backpacking trip that he/she had planned or writing his/her own novel or taking some cooking classes from the internet. This culture has started to brainwash very sharp minds through manipulation and fear of instability.

I was walking towards the exit gate at steady pace while the majority was running past me. as i was approaching the checkout barrier i suddenly stopped and felt like the time slowed down. My mind faded out the surrounding noise and i stopped  before the checkout barrier, i was feeling like my whole surroundings have come to a standstill. As i looked beyond the barrier i saw two exit gates namely Gate no. 3 and Gate. no 4. I don’t know what happened but my heart was racing while my mind was struggling with the dilemma of the choice of exit gates.

So that was it, at that moment i started to remember the poem of Robert Frost “The Road not Taken” and felt that destiny has again gave me a choice and it’s up to me to decide the fate of my life. Meanwhile i was hearing the loud thuds of footsteps advancing towards me and as i turned my head around, the second wave of impatient denizens was running amok and progressing towards me, i stepped out of their way because i realised it wasn’t my race to win. Furthermore i observed that almost all of the people chose Gate no. 3 to exit and no one frequented the gate no. 4. I become curious and stunned at the same time and was wrapping my mind around why is everyone blindly following each other while there is an another option, Is it the classic example of “following the crowd blindly” or they’re afraid to take risk and were playing safe. So i asked myself that why does everyone wants to be a follower and not a preacher?

That question was the moment of awakening for me and will decide the course of my voyage. It was this moment where i can hear my heart pounding and feel the blood rushing through my vein, it was a magical moment for me preferably my Golden Minute. So i had two options and it was up to me to decide whether, i’ll follow the tested formula of mediocrity and stability or i’ll take a leap towards new beginnings and opportunity. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath and started to think about of all those times where i could’ve walked away but for some reasons failed consistently and again i was at same juxtaposition but this time it was different, as i opened my eyes, for the first time in a long period i was seeing things clearly and there was that lost smile on my face, i was determined this time. So i loosen the knot of my tie and took it off and that was the most amazing feeling ever i felt unchained and free of shambles that were holding me back. I tossed my tie in the bin and put on my headphones as i advanced towards Gate no. 4 which was clean and free of any footmarks and handprints on the rails. Their was still dusk outside as i walked carefree towards it while listening to johnny cash’s voice which left an indelible print on me.

Maybe i’ll fail, Maybe i’ll suffer but the thought of living my life on my terms is enough to get me out of bed every morning.

(Guitar riff of HURT playing…..)


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