To You

Reads: 31  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic


Basically this is a letter to someone who will never read it. It is my way of taking my thoughts out of my head and writing them down. Some may call it a love letter, or even a letter to myself. To
be honest I don't know what I would call it. Nevertheless I hope you enjoy and can understand my thoughts that I scribbled down.

Submitted: May 21, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: May 21, 2018

A A A

A A A


5.21.18
 
When I close my eyes, I can see and feel all of the emotions. The hurt, anger, insecurity, and fear. I also see the admiration, the laughter, the possible future and my happiness. Every time I close my eyes, I see you.
 
You can only imagine the hell you have put me through and continue to put me through. We are on and off all the time, well at least it feels like it. I've been trying to take my heart back since the day you broke it, I have gotten bits and pieces, but not all of it. There is one piece I am still missing. I've tried so hard to get it back, I really have. However, you are holding onto it so tightly. Because of that, I have been in love with you for three, miserable years. 
 
Tonight you came to my house. It was nice, as much as I hate to admit it. To be honest, life seemed complete when you sat on the couch with my family. It always felt like that when you were around. I started coming up with excuses in my head to touch you, then you took me by surprise by taking that step first. You made the first move. And you did it so easily. I couldn't help but think to myself, this is easy, this is right. Then and there I admitted to myself what I knew all along, that you were the only person I have ever, and will ever love. That I knew someday we will be happily together. I saw it all, our future. I saw it all in your smile. 
 
When you left, my brother expressed how annoyed and confused he is with how our timing was never right. He exclaimed that we were like Ross and Rachel from Friends. Off and on, and always flirting. They fit perfectly together but it didn't work for the longest time until one day, it did. 
 
I can see how he could think that. Even though they are fictional, it worked out for them. Will it for us? Is there even a chance for "us"? I don't know the answer to that. All I know is how I feel about you and us. That is my truth.
 
I get sucked into thinking of all the things we could be. I entertain myself with thoughts of us finally getting back together, being happy, and finally having our "happily ever after" ending. Then I am reminded on why we never worked in the past. I am reminded of your insecurities, my insecurities, and how we couldn't be right for each other at the same time. I think to myself "Now that I am in college, things will be different. We can finally be ourselves, no shame, no worries, just us happy." but I've learned one thing, it may sound dramatic, but nevertheless it's true. "Hope breeds eternal misery.". So I go back to reminding myself that I have to keep my guard up, I have to build my wall. I have to make sure that I don't allow myself to get hurt again. I don't trust myself around you, and sometimes I give in and just look at you. I study your face, the way your eyes light up when telling a story. The way you curl your lips when you are being mischievous. They way you immediately look at me when you are laughing. Then I shake my head, and try to drain those thoughts out. 
 
I know better than that. I know better than to let myself do that. But sometimes you want to give in. You want a taste of warmth, wellness and ease. You let yourself go. You let yourself get a taste, and then you are left with wanting more. But the more you want, the more the danger there is. You go back to building that wall. It's a struggle, going round and round in your head. You can't let it out, you can't say anything because all you will get back is "I told you so's". 
 
So you are stuck going round and round. And trust me I am getting dizzy. 
 
I don't know the point of this letter. I know I will never show it to you, or anyone for that fact. Maybe I am just trying to get my thoughts straight. Maybe I am trying to just get it out of my head. However, the future that we hold is so unclear. I am nervous to live it, but I feel ready enough. Cheers, to loving people and life to the fullest, even if it turns to be a tragedy.
 


© Copyright 2018 honestwaters. All rights reserved.

Booksie 2018 Poetry Contest

Booksie Popular Content

Other Content by honestwaters

To You

Short Story / Romance

Popular Tags