The Hitman's Dissonance

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: War and Military  |  House: Booksie Classic

A hitman recalls his last mission and how it changed his life forever.

Submitted: May 22, 2018

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Submitted: May 22, 2018




“Why did I stop?

Because I woke up. It was in Switzerland many, many years ago on those God forsaken snowy hills. I couldn’t have imagined what would happen there in a million years but by the end of it, it was all too real.

It was a cold December night, near Christmas actually, when I landed in the cold town of Davos looking to complete my last mission. I had planned to take a break for the holidays and maybe do something nice and relaxing like fishing. It would have been a pleasant change from killing someone every week. I guess I did technically get what I wished for in the end just not exactly in the way I imagined.

Anyway, it didn’t take me long to make my way from the helicopter to my targets location up in the mountains. I remember how nice the house was that housed him mainly because it was almost an exact replica of the house I dreamed of living in when I was a young boy. It had all the luxury looking exterior and interior designs I had fantasized about owning back when I was still foolish enough to think of having a nice future.

 After admiring the house of the person I was sent to end the life of, I climbed up the hill opposite and prepared my equipment. Although equipment is really just a dressed-up way of saying my M24 Sniper Rifle which had a kill count of 34 at the time.”

“Did they ever effect you?”

“My victims? No, I don’t think they did. I mean not really. Can you really call waking up screaming in terror from the ghosts of them haunting my dreams affecting me? I don’t think so.

Oh, but this one did. This one resonated deep down into my very soul and made me question the morality of all my past actions.

This one had a special place in my heart.

The man, the target, was 43 years of age and was the supposed leader of a prominent gang back in the US. I was sent in to eliminate him and that was exactly what I intended to do as I stared down the scope of my weapon. He was sitting there completely unaware and vulnerable.

That’s something all my victims had in common. All the contracts I had killed never knew of my existence. They had lived their entire lives in the serenity of heedlessness. Yet in the moment I extinguished their unmindful flames, their indestructible fortifications, friable. It did always make me think that maybe deep down, no matter what you do in life, no matter the choices you make or the people you manipulate, in the end none of it matters. That in the end all your life’s work, whether it be good or bad, counts for nothing if fate is having a bad day.

So, there I was. Lying down in the snow, invisible to the mere passer-by and certainly to a certain ‘businessman’. As I confirmed that the target I was sent to kill was indeed the same person as the man still currently swimming in the bliss of ignorance staring out of his office window into the snowy night, I prepared to seal my 35th. as I tightened my finger around the trigger.

That split-second hesitation changed my entire life. If I had just pulled the trigger, fired the shot, completed the mission, fulfilled my purpose, I probably wouldn’t be sitting here right now.

There was reason behind my decision however. Just as I began to squeeze the trigger, the door to the office opened. Through this door came a little boy, he was eight turning nine in 3 days. Bounding towards his father, I couldn’t hear the conversation but from the beaming smiles on their faces, visible from my cold, steel rifle, I guessed it was a happy topic. It made me pause and release my finger from the death switch and once again made me commit the greatest crime of all in my line of work, think.

‘Nascentes morimur.’ From the moment we are born, we begin to die. This was my mantra. Everyone in my profession had one, each with their own meaning. I liked to think mine was reassurance that I was just simply speeding up the process for those who deserved to reach the latter quicker. This child had inadvertently attacked my mantra just by existing. Even the house he was living in seemed to invade my previous shelter of childhood. This child had brought about the idea that maybe we don’t begin to die form the moment we are born because, surely, you can’t bring about life if you’re dying, not a life that would be worth living anyway? This boy however, did look like a life worth living. The smile that he was projecting looked like something that could simply not exist if the inventor were dying when such a creation was born.

That was my downfall. That sentiment was the reason that I decided to change my life. The smile from that hopeful boy, from the boy that dreamed of representing his country at the Olympics one day at shooting, changed my outlook on life and made me aim to the left of his father head.

Of course, this whole revelation in my life made me forget the fundamentals of wind direction.


It was a pleasant funeral. The typical getup of inane flowers and empty words. All to commemorate a boy’s life that had been taken too soon by someone who could only be described as ‘nothing short of monster.’

That was it for me. After this I decided it was time to retire. After all I had seen enough of the world to see to its dark core. I thought about how I could get a nice job somewhere in a city and eventually settle down, maybe even have a family if fate felt like being generous.”

“Are you happy with where you are now?”

“I think back on that day quite a lot. Not intentionally of course, but then who can control their nightmares? However, reflecting on that ideal I had now, I think I can finally say, with confidence, that I won’t ever have to relieve that day again, kiddo.”


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