A Hair's Breadth Away

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Review Chain


I'm sorry

Submitted: May 23, 2018

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Submitted: May 23, 2018

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Silence. Silence is all around me, swamping me in my own maddening thoughts. The arms of the clock move indefatigably, beating their mindless melody of monotony, the one constant in the miserable chaos that my life has become. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...

My heart aches. The initial searing pain has faded now, and in its place is only this constant weight upon my chest, a sore reminder that something that once was is no longer. My heart still beats, but it is weak and frantic, my eyes still see, but they have lost their clarity, obscured by my eyelids sodden with tears. I draw back the knife. Is this what it feels like to be in love?

My clothes lie unwashed upon the floor, they have done for days. Mixed up in the myriad of odours I can still discern her own oaky odour. I dare not disturb it. It is all I have left of her.

Her image is vivid when I close my eyes, as if it were cauterised into the flesh behind them. I can still see every single mark upon her face, every single scar along her arms, and the intoxicatingly tantalising smile that plays about the corners of her cherry-red lips. I can still hear her laughter, as crystal clear as it once was, dancing infectiously around my head, taunting me every second of every day. Her eyes swamp my vision, a deep chocolate-brown, pulling me towards her whilst all the while her tongue pushes me away, uttering captivating re-assurances despite her pleading eyes. They glow inexorably vivacious in the warm light of the sun's kiss, and they twinkle with a melancholic lustre underneath the gentle glow of the moon. The North Star points the way...

I do this to myself. I always knew how this would end: it's been written in plain text since the very start. And yet her smile, and the warmth of her lips dispels even the most reasonable of pragmatic platitudes, casting them aside in favour of dreaming an impossible dream. I only want what I can't have...

The universe is sprawling in front of us; it's infinite lustre spread wide on the blank black canvas stretched across the sky. Her breathing is shallow, my eyes are wet with tears. How insignificant we are, trapped down here on a floating ball of rock, inevitably doomed to fade and die. The march of time waits for no man. "Think of me" she says. "When you look up at that, that's me." The stars look beautiful tonight.

Her hair is ticking my face, and the blare of the television is still clearly discernable, but I don't care. Her arms are wrapped tightly around my body, pulling me inwards as though my very presence is a physical necessity. I could lie here forever, I could forget the world, none of it matters whilst I lie her next to her, gazing deeply into her warm eyes. Her breath spills hot and heavy across my face. She looks nervous. Our lips brush. The feeling is electric, sending waves of ecstacy rocketing across my skin. Our eyes close in unison, and our lips meet again but this time it's not accidental. They slot together; like two pieces of a puzzle. A euphoric sensation spreads like wildfire across my skin, goosebumps rising along the trail the current takes. This is right, how could this feeling ever be wrong? We split for a moment, and then collide again with a new found passion and ferocity, skin grinding against skin with a desperate intensity, holding onto every single millisecond of euphoria before the moment passed and reality must be faced once more. Wake up.

All gone now. All gone now...

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. The clock drones on, senseless to the cruel world that it mediates all around it. It all seems very quiet, now that I am alone. The stars look very different today. She's gone now, and she's not coming back. Life is but a walking shadow.

My phone is silent. I know she has seen my message and yet it lays silent still. Every single word from her lips professes love and care, and yet I am alone: abandoned by the very one that swore such love. So near, and yet so so far. I can't stop crying, is this what it feels like to be in love?

I try to remember happier days, days full of laughter and smiles. I can not live as I do now, I can not go on like this and yet I have no choice but to do so, drifting from day to day waiting for her. I do not know how long that will take, it may well be never. The knife is ordered and calm: a pristine work of craftsmanship. I understand the knife, I could never hope to understand her. Yesterday I was just a hair's breadth away, today, I lie alone with tears streaming down my face, tomorrow, I will finally be at peace. I just need to find the strength to do it. I love you.


© Copyright 2018 Daniel Simpson. All rights reserved.

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