silent but deafening

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic


this is something i've had on my mind and have been working on for about two months now. it might just sound like some angsty teen complaining about how miserable he is, but writing my feelings
down helps to calm me down

Submitted: May 30, 2018

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Submitted: May 30, 2018

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Silent but deafening
The thoughts swimming through my mind, the demons I try so hard to suppress
Come to the light in the silence of both night and day
Hearing but not listening to those around me, too focused on my own troubles to be of use to anyone
My heart, my mind, constantly in turmoil over a few small aspects of life
Breaking myself apart in spite of knowing the truth
Pieces of me laying across the ground like leaves in autumn, shrivelled and dead
The cold mirrors the ice in my mind and contrasts the fire in my heart 
Realization breaking and remaking my perspective
Anger clouding my mind when thoughts of the future descend upon me in the dead on night
When all is silent and dark
And in the moments of silence between friends and family
Distractions, never enough to make me forget how this present came to be
How the shattered past will shape the fledgling future
Where these events, tormenting and painful, will leave this patchwork soul
How the one I used to love, friends and family build me up but simultaneously split me into the dichotomy of man
The saint and the devil, ever opposed
But made whole again in the darkest corners of my subconscious
Black thoughts never acted upon but always haunting 
Their permanent presence in my mind
Ego, fear stopping me from doing what I know will hurt me
There's only the choice between immediate or eventual pain
Everything burning but cold as ice
Heart and mind at war, tearing me in two
Finding reminders in every reflection, every sentence
Pain clouding my judgement, making me see demons in every shadow
Nights spent tossing and turning to keep them behind me
Looking back to try and move forward 
What did I do wrong, what can I change, am I choosing correctly
Life putting obstacles in my way that I have no way of breaking through
The feeling of moving on pairs with the pain of seeing my fears realised
Friends trying to help but all I hear is noise
The ear-bleeding, gut-wrenching noise of the future and the mystery that it holds
Contingencies formulated even though I know there will come some disaster I am unprepared for
Rage at even the most benign occurence stirs up rage at what I cannot change
The still silences making way for the deafening noise that are my thoughts, my fears, my hopes and dreams, my pain and suffering 
All day, all night
Silent, but deafening

 


© Copyright 2018 Dale Craig. All rights reserved.

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