stuck.

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic


for people who are numb & for people who wish to be numb .. don’t

Submitted: June 02, 2018

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Submitted: June 02, 2018

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these moments ... gone 

i know i have erased all painful memories of him in my ill brain but it seems like im left numb

would you rather feel everything all the time all at once, or not at all? 

to never have to feel again 

when that sad songs comes on, would you rather sit in your room pounding your fists into your pillow having tears rushed down your face

or nothing , nothing

i think that people think being numb is better than feeling pain 

but what we forget is how to unlock that numbness

the worst thing in life is being numb in a shitty part of life than once it’s over still being numb for the best times

friends that have kept me here 

make me so happy

but do i actually feel a real happy?

my switch was turned off before the time my father could even make me want to die more than usual

this switch, somewhere inside me needs to be flipped 

back

I’ve been close

going through layers, trying to unmask the chains holding down on my chest

leaving me 

breathless

don’t get me wrong, i don’t think I’ve been so stable in so long

but at the same time i know i can’t reach serendipity if there’s pain deep inside

I’ve buried it alive 

it’s alive

and it’s burning away a soul

a soul that was once young and beautiful and blossoming

which is now dying without its sunlight and water 

buried alive 

but for how long can it stay that way?

before the pain can die inside and never leave me ever again

i need to find it

i need to

it needs to go away

people who are paralyzed in wheel chairs, they are numb in their legs

if they’re stabbed there, they can’t feel it 

but they could die

they WILL die if nothing stops it from bleeding out

just because i can’t feel it doesn’t mean it’s not changing my identity everyday

it’s gonna 

kill me

it’s gonna kill me if i don’t uncover it

it’s gonna kill me if i can’t figure out how to reach it 

it’s gonna kill me.

and i think that’s the most terrifying thing I’ve faced in a long time


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