It is too hard to talk about

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: June 06, 2018

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Submitted: June 06, 2018

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A smile on my face doesn’t always mean I'm happy,

Sometimes I just smile to keep from crying.

I cry in silence because I don’t want people to know I'm upset

I don’t want them to know how close to the edge I am.

I try to be the strong person so people can depend on me,

But lately, I’ve been just carrying a lot of weight

And that weight has been bringing me down and pushing me to the edge.

I’m so close to the edge, I can see what infinite hole looks like

But that’s the thing, I can’t let anybody know how close I am,

I can’t let them see me breakdown

I'm supposed to be the strong one, not the one to let it all out

Because a person who actually wants to help me might be the reason I fall,

A person might care for me, and it might confuse me because it is something I'm not used to.

I’ve been coping alone, I try to vent to myself, because I never needed nobody's else......but maybe I need to.

If I had someone’s help I feel like they would make it more than what it's about

They starting calling the wrong people because they don’t really know how I'm feeling,

All they hear is she’s not okay, she’s having these thoughts, so call the suicide hotline because I think that will help.

But it won’t, because that is not what she needs, it’s people like that, that makes talking about it hard.

Because you don’t know what they’ll do once you explained how you've been feeling, they won’t hear you out, but just get that bad feeling.

You don’t need to call anybody, because I don't need anybody's help,

I just want to talk and not be judged,

I just want to explain why I’m feeling this pain

But because many people don’t understand, they label you mental, and they start becoming judgemental

So I’m just being honest, this is why a lot of people don’t speak up, they bottle it up, hoping nobody will shake it up, because they will explode, and once they explode……..

 

It will show why they never spoke up

 

Because their reality may be too real for people to hear.

People may think you're being overdramatic or too sensitive, and that’s my biggest fear.


 


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