My Best Friend Bert - #7

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Not everyone votes that could and some that vote shouldn't, but if tax increases are on the ballot, (watch-out!), it is like a shark feeding frenzy.

Submitted: June 07, 2018

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Submitted: June 07, 2018



It is Election Day.

I had my breakfast of French-toast and Spam. My favorite is turkey-spam fried with onion, garlic, and a sprinkling of chopped peppers; love the stuff.

After breakfast I finished filling out my sample ballot and walked the six blocks to our local polling station.

The polling station is located at Henrietta Brown's house, inside her two-car garage. It is a little tight, room wise, but it beats having to drive all the way to the main polling station down on Liberty Avenue.

When I arrived I spotted my best friend Bert who had just pulled up in his one day old, brand new, SUV. It has all the bells and whistles, so Bert told me on the phone.

While we stood in line to vote Bert suggested that I take a ride with him in his new vehicle, after we finished voting. Well I hadn't had the pleasure so I accepted the invitation. After all, I wanted to see what kind of Bells and Whistles it actually had.


During the ride Bert was showing off all the stuff that was somehow integrated into his shiny new dashboard.

Then Bert started talking to some lady named Lexah, or Lexus, well some name like that.

I never did know where she was calling from, or how she had the time to just to sit around waiting for Bert to say something. But I didn't want to confuse the issue so I just let him and her continue without interruption.

After some time had passed I guess Bert ran out of things to show me, so he asked, "Are you ready for lunch now? How about we drop by Betty's Burger's and Beer?"

I protested with concern based on past experience, "You’re going to drink and drive?"

"No, no," Bert stated, "my wife has put me on a beer-reduction diet that is supposed to trim my wait-line; but she's not fooling anyone.  Anyway, I’ll just have my usual, a double-burger and a jumbo order of garlic-fries. I'll substitute the beer with a soft-drink instead."

Well I didn't say a word about why Bert's wife wanted him to cut back on the beer; I know when to keep my mouth shut.


During lunch Bert was asking all sorts of questions about the election propositions that were on the ballot. And the more questions he asked the more I thought to myself, "Bert, it is too late to ask questions now, you've already voted."

Then, suddenly, right out of the blue he said, "I voted to repeal the gas-tax hick.

I figure that they can take the money they need for road and highway improvements out of the general fund. There should be plenty of money in there as soon as the "Highway Bond Measure" passes."

With a statement like that I just had to ask, "What if the Bond Measure doesn't pass?"

In the middle of a hand full of garlic-fries Bert replied, "Oh it will pass, people can't say no to a needed bond measure and we need improvements to the highways. We can pay for the bonds over time."

I didn't exactly change the subject with the next question, but I thought it might get Bert to think about what he had said, so I asked, "Did you finance your SUV, Bert?"

Bert looked at me real funny then replied by saying, "Hell no! That vehicle would have cost me more than double if I had to pay interest charges. No sir, I wrote them a check for the whole thing; $42,810, license and taxes included!"

Then I tried to make a point but I don't know if Bert got that either. Still, I thought I'd try, so I just said, "Well Bert, you could have taken out a signature loan and put that money in your bank account, then wrote the check for the SUV. If you did it that way you'd have plenty of money in your account and you could have paid for the vehicle over time."

"What kind of sense would that make?" Bert asked, while digging into the fries again.

I replied by saying, "Don't you get what I'm saying? You didn’t vote like you handle your own business.

The bond is a loan that cost you interest, the added gas tax doesn't cost you interest.

Bert shot back with, “Well I don’t want my gas bill going up!”

Then I asked, “Bert, doesn’t your new SUV get a lot better gas mileage than the one you had yesterday? Even with the gas tax increase you wouldn't have noticed any increase in your monthly gasoline costs. After all, you're now driving a Hybrid-vehicle.”

Bert stopped chewing, looked at me for a moment then swallowed. That is when he asked, “What’s a Hybrid?”


D. Thurmond/JEFalcon


© Copyright 2019 D. Thurmond, aka, JEF. All rights reserved.

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