I'll Miss You

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic


My Current Pain.

Submitted: June 12, 2018

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Submitted: June 12, 2018

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I could laugh at what she would say to me. It would only be that easy........

 

I love the way you made those cookies that shined into me. It brought me joy. You lived in such a peaceful area. Right next to Disneyland where we could watch the fireworks. I loved the way you rubbed my head with the soft silky hands. The joyous times we played Scrabble. I miss that? Where have you gone?

 

My time is not done, but your's is? I can't stop hiding from a reality I can't avoid. 

 

Every wrinkles count. I can't seem to count all the times you told me what to do and not to do. You always made those sandwichs of mustard and ham. I'll be honest, I didn't really like them. I did like your pasta, but not your spaghetti. It tasted a little bland. Maybe add a little salt?

 

Where are you now? You faded away too quickly. TOO QUICKLY. I knew that grandfather died because he smoked, but you died peacefully. In your sleep. You already discorvered your whole life, leaving everyone. 

 

What am I to do? I sit here and cry. Everyday, I hide my emotions as if I can't do anything. I am tearing up right now as I write this. You stopped making cookies when I was a little younger. I questioned it. I saw you in March, this is being written in June. I am going to your funeral around the end of June. 

 

You were no sterotypical sad story cancer victim. You never had cancer. You had something much worse. A parasite of hunger. It absorbed everything you did to yourself. I can't imagine being weak all the time. 

 

It's the second day of my summer break. I was cleaning my room. I was called into my sister bedroom. I knew Grandma wasn't doing too well...... I never felt peace, I never felt love, I was just busy. My father looks at the wall. Your grandmother is dead.

 

A bullet went through me. I was just shocked. I knew it was bound to happen. My father said something very sad, I have no parents left. I hold back my tears. I just wanted to collapse as if I was some dead dog lying there in a depression I like to call death. 

 

I didn't want to breathe. I didn't want to do anything I loved. I didn't want to do anything I cared about. I just wanted to commit a personality suicide without killing myself. I felt like I had no soul in me. I felt like everything was taken away. No more of sitting watching those fireworks or eating cookies or playing scrabble or doing anything with her. I miss you so much. I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

 

I want you back. Please. Just come back and let me see your face one more time. I want to touch your skin. Please. This can't be real. I WANT YOU BACK. I WILL DO ANYTHING JUST TO SEE YOU AGAIN. PLEASE. I want you to just wave.

 

 

My world is halted. My stories are surpressed. I don't have personality because I ruined myself. Am I a new person? I can act like I never knew her. That will send me into emotional decay. What do I do without you. I guess I am writing this right now. Well, I'll Miss You.

 

I'll Miss You because I actually loved you.

 

 

Rip Wilma Saunders June 2nd 2018. 


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