Alexithymia

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic


This is me venting late at night i haven't made something for a long time but i needed to feel like someone is listening. I don't care if it's not great, that's not what i'm aiming for but it's
something for myself and if it helps someone else that's great.

Submitted: June 20, 2018

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Submitted: June 20, 2018

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My ear defenders on

Silence in my room but words repeating inside my head with

emotions that I can’t comprehend.

 

And then there is you on the other end the you I want to reach out to

But all you do is ask questions.

 

Questions I can’t answer and then you demand me to answer them like I’m capable of determining what feelings are emerging.

 

Then comes to fighting, the screaming and the cussing

All because you couldn’t listen when I said “I don’t know”

I want to scream “Just fucking listen”

But no, the person needing to listen and needing to comprehend is always the person who can’t in the end.

 

Then on one of those days someone said:  That’s called alexithymia

I didn’t know, it was normal because whenever I said “I don’t know”

People would shove assumptions and words down my throat

Until I started to think “I’m not normal” I don’t make “sense”

Then I realized, I finally have a way to say

this is real and I’m not just running away.

It’s not me not wanting to tell you

No, my brain is not recognizing my feelings

I know it’s not your fault because you didn't know

But right now, right now go just go away!

-I realize this isn't a great poem i don't really know what i was going for i just went for it with what i had in me-


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