Cat Fur for Profit

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

These days there many small businesses - people want to make a quick profit. Here is one way of getting stinking rich overnight.

Submitted: June 22, 2018

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Submitted: June 22, 2018



Here, in present day South Africa, 24 years after Saint Mandela the Terrorist (PBUH) was released from jail and became president of this godforsaken country, things have rapidly been going down the proverbial blocked drain.


Mandela’s cronies, in the corrupt communist ANC government, have become the laughing stock of the world. There isn’t one, repeat, ONE, government department which is still functioning as it should.


The state-owned power provider Eskom, the airways (SAA), the police (SAPS), Post Office, hospitals, schools, railways – there is an endless list of everything that has collapsed since the white “colonialists” handed the country to the mindless masses which make up the vast majority of the country’s voters.


I have come up with a brilliant idea of making money in these hard times. Let me share it with you:


The newly-rich blacks have all gone for the bling: BMW’s, iPhones, Armani, Gucci, etc. They have a burning need to flash their wealth – even down to having the seats of their cars covered in cat fur.


And this is where my plan comes in: How to Successfully Breed Cats for Fun and Profit. (It’s a secret, so don’t tell anyone.)


You start off with a few cats and a couple of rats. As soon as the cats start breeding successfully, you skin some of them and tan the hides. This is then sold to the Bling Brigade.


The cat carcasses are ground up and fed to the rats, who have, in the meantime, multiplied into a nicely sized colony.


To recap as to where we are so far:


The cats are skinned and their pelts are sold. Some of the rats are fed to the cats, and the dead cats are fed to the rats. So… The cats eat the rats, the rats eat the cats, and your production and profit in cat fur is coming along nicely.


Now, and this is an important part of the business plan: Snakes are introduced into the mix.


As you well know, snakes also eat rats, so you do not have to buy anything extra to feed them.


And here’s the thing: It is a little-known fact that snakes will breed with cats if left undisturbed. The cat offspring, bred from the snakes, will inherit the snakes’ ability to periodically shed their skins.


This adds a HUGE advantage to the breeding program – you will no longer be required to skin the cats. All you need to do is the collect the cat skins, from wherever they have shed it in their cages – mince and grind the dead cat bodies, feed them to the rats, feed some rats to the snakes, some rats to the cats, some snakes to the rats, and some snakes to the cats – being careful to maintain a balanced equilibrium with no waste products.


To sum up: The cats are fed to the rats, the rats are fed to the snakes, the snakes are bred with the cats – and all you have to do is to pick up the cat pelts and sell it. Nothing could be simpler.


Remember: This is a secret. Do NOT tell anyone how you became stinking rich overnight.


© Copyright 2018 Eric de Castro. All rights reserved.