lost

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: June 23, 2018

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Submitted: June 23, 2018

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all her life all she wanted to feel was to feel loved & felt like she belonged in a place. it was hard being rejected by someone you thought was the only person that you can rely on but to be rejected on occasions either because of ashamed or embarrassed to have me as their daughter. it has been a stumbling past few years, living with relatives from a young teenager to now an adult but still doesn’t changed the fact that your own relative can reject you just because your not perfect or living to their expectations in life and at home. in life, we succeeded and we fail, we always pick up and carry on but not to their minds.

it seems like they have secrets but she wondered what they are if they are so much of a loving and caring family they say they are. once we were a happy family but they all changed in a spilt second once parents divorced, custody battles but that did not include her. you see, she was an outsider and always have felt like that since her mother remarried to another man she did not intend to persuade any kind of relationship with because at the end of the day he is a stranger to her and will always control everything even to convince that he was a good role model and father. she guess some things between him and myself are best not to be said to my mother because at the end of the day she loved him so much just a few months from separating from my step father who gave nothing but love, affection and kindness. it is cruel and unprovoked to do that to another human being but the questions that i always ask is why? why did you destroy something and make her own daughter an outsider once her mother remarried?

she guessed that is something that is always going to be a mystery, why did she leave him? what did she not see in him that made her attract another man? why did she love him more than me? she is her daughter not the enemy, she guessed she was wrong. is it wrong for her to love him more than her own daughter?

she admitted she was young, immature but that gives no right for him to dictate on how to live her life and what she should do even so he is not her father and will never be. it is hard to know that knowing your own mother is out there loving her own kids who are with her in time being with her husband and living it up without me. she guessed it never occurs that she left me out of the picture, she loves them more than she loves her own daughter. there will never be a time or worse one when she tells you that she does not need her only daughter anymore after years kicking me out for someone that is currently married she loves more. 

recently she contacted her after years telling me that she loved her and wishing that she was doing well after all the things she did like she left her own daughter fending for myself and trying to figure out a way to restart my life as a young teenager who just had no idea what to do. she had no job, money and everyone that she ever cared about she destroyed even family that are not related to her in a way by blood but she still call them family. she was lost, scared and unsure of what to do or who to turn to.

she turned to relatives who she was thankful still living in the area, they took her in and fed her, kept her warm and gave her a bed. a place to call home is something she will never forget that her relatives did for her when they did not have to. she was confused, hurt and felt rejected by everyone except for them. they are the most honest, non judgemental people you will ever be able to meet and enduring that they will never reject you no matter who you are or what you have done in the past, they are the most forgiving and honest people. when she first got there, of course out of everyone that she can think of which is her mother, calls the police to say that she had run away sadly for her she was young and due to recent events of teenagers running away from their parents isn't that first time that they heard of it or even opened up a missing person case. we then had to notified the local police station to ensure that there was not going to be a missing person case as she was where she belong and that is where she was with her loving relatives

it was hard for years without her as of course she is her mother but she felt like she lost a part of me, she was lost and did not know who to trust or who to talk to as she was so shut down and talking about the situation felt like it was pulling herself into a much darker place and the feeling of no one wanting her.

is she wrong to reach out again to see her brothers whom she hasn't seen in years? 
is her mother been unfair that her own daughter can't contact her brothers? is she wrong to doubt herself about everything including family?


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