Was it Worth it

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Thrillers  |  No Houses

Damien loved Laura and he loves his star, Follow his story and figure out, if it was worth it.

Submitted: June 25, 2018

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Submitted: June 25, 2018



“Was it worth it?” it was no idea to him whether it was a question or a statement. Spoken by a star was the phrase that ran continuously through his mind, it was spoken by a beauty, a magnificent being.

“To the star that shines bright, that holds my heart tonight” He wished unto the gods, he held his hands out, he offered them his soul. His star, his wonderful star, he offered it his soul and it offered him its grace. It shined to him; a symbol of its happiness, of its joy upon being with him and he basked in its everlasting light. Washing over all of the land for which he lay the light bathed him with its awesome beauty and he felt his soul at rest.

“It is my star” he said softly as he lay there in its light. “I love my star” he said, his eyes moist as a sudden sorrow overcame his being, spilling forth from his eyes as he began to cry. “My star” he sobbed as the light brightened upon him, a heat falling down upon him, a great scorching blast of radiance falling down upon him, focusing on his being. His skin charring, soul crying out as his body did the same.

“Was I worth it?” he could hear her say and he answered her as the memories of that day came to him once again.

“Damien” her voice spoke to him softy, the vision of her smile was the first to appear, whenever he was fortunate enough to hear her voice. He looked to her, her radiance, her beauty,  it was overwhelming. Long brown hair, falling down to the small of her back, a skirt, loose fitting, blowing slightly in the summer breeze. She wore a white tank top, with spaghetti straps, that showed off a bit of her stomach at the naval. Her body, slender, and thin, her porcelain white skin glowing in the radiance of the sunlight. She smiled to him as she spoke with her lips painting in a dark red lipstick, her eyes bright blue smiling at him too. His favorite person, his beloved Laura.

“Do you hate it” she looked to him, her voice soft, somber as she spoke, they sat together, the afternoon heat blaring down upon them as they ate sandwiches in the midst of an empty town park. No bugs, no animals, no people, just the two, he and she and she and he.

“No, the foods fine” Damien said as he looked to her and gave a smile, his love, his wondrous Laura.

“No its not” her eyes began to tear as she looked to the food, “You don’t have to say that to me”

“Why would I lie?” he grabbed another sandwich from the basket where all of the food had been packed, a small cliché’ looking lunchbox that one would find on a Disney cartoon where a grandmother was taking her grandchildren to a picnic. Or a yogi bear cartoon. It was filled with sandwiches of all different makes and flavors, egg and tuna, ham and cheese with a bit of seasoning inside.

“Because you hate me” she looked to him, eyes filled with despair, her beautiful smile fading to a vision of pure darkness. She cried out to him with her eyes.

“No I don’t” he had picked up on the allusion and he simply chose to ignore it. HE took another sandwich and then he began eat it and they ate in silence.

Night fell in the next 4 following hours, he was in his bed, alone. He had a small little mobile home that he rented from a friend, it was cheap and constructed as such, rats and roaches skittered about. But he didn’t give it much mind. He lay there in the darkness, wishing to god that Laura was there with him. He wanted to hear her voice again, feel her touch……who was he kidding, he was just horny. But when he invited her to come, she simply stated that she had other plans. He remembered her back as she walked back to her own car: “Just admit you hate me” she sighed in a tone that was just barely audible to his ears. But he couldn’t….because he didn’t.

As he stated this fact, mentally, within the confines of his own soul, hiding it away so deeply that the pressure of the doors to its prison squeezing together so tightly they caused his physical heart to ache.  She went home, she went to the darkness of her own dwellings, driving firstly through the black of the night, painted in a faint amber glow as flickering street lights overpowered the faint tint of the moons own silver gleam. She sped, as fast as she could racing through the streets, taking sharp turns. Agony pushed tears from the pit of her gut through to her eyes as her heart pounded on the confines of her mind and soul.

“Hate me!” she sobbed, “Why wont you hate me?!” she cried out as she sped off through the streets, racing to an unknown destination, hidden even to her own mind. She knew she was headed to her house she knew that she was driving in that direction, but……that wasn’t her last stop, no that could not be where she ended the journey. As she thought back to the moment, to the source of the phrase that was ever present on her tongue, on her mind whenever she saw the clueless face of her lovestruck fool.

She could see is face, she could hear his voice, she could taste the tears as they fell down her cheek, jumping in a suicide dive, from his eyes and down onto her face, slithering from there on to her lips. She could hear him sobbing, as he stood there, she thought it a dream at the time but….when she opened her eyes, when she saw him standing there in their room, in the darkness she knew it was real. He stood there, a tiny man, skinny yet tall. His skin a pale white, a shaved head. He was wearing his work clothes, a gray suit with a bright red tie. Her heart sank firstly just at the simple sight of his having seen her in this predicament. It seemed impossible for him to ever find out. She was there with the other man, with that intruder that she had let into his bed, into his love. As she looked into his hands, looking at the barrel of his gun, the weapon of his vengeance, the product of a hatred he had built up for months at knowing, at feeling it inside of him for so long and not acting, saying nothing. It created this moment, this situation. Just a moment, a little moment, a tiny moment….multiple moments all coming together, adding and multiplying and equating to this moment here and now, constructing a man in the bed looking down the barrel of a gun alongside the woman for whom was the source of all of the rage and hatred and confusion. Their hearts both raging and pummeling and panicking writhing in their chests as terror pumped adrenaline through their veins, They wanted to run, they wanted to fight but they couldn’t decided which choice would help them survive this night……then Damien moved, he looked to them, tears drenching his face, pain and anguish twisting it into a form of utter disgust and hatred and then he said it: “I….love you” he said it dropping the gun to the floor and walking away, leaving the house. After that she didn’t see him for months, they didn’t talk or even attempt to talk….until he contacted her with a simple: “Hey…can we talk” she didn’t answer back for a few weeks, She was afraid of him, of what he could do to her if he saw her, would he hurt her? did he hate her…..but in the end she went to see him. Now they were back together.

Now she was in her car!

Now she was driving!

Now she was speeding!

Now she was home!

Now she was drinking!

She was crying!

She was drinking!

She was screaming!

She was Drinking!

She as sad!

She was drinking!

She grabbed the gun…..that one that she remembered from that night, That one that Damien had pulled on her that night. She was sitting in the darkness, her bottle of Hennessy now empty, vomit below her naked ass as she sat upon the floor, she put the gun to her chin….she was crying! She was sad! She was terrified! Terrified! Terrified but she didn’t know why! Why didn’t he hate her? why didn’t he? Wouldn’t to leave her? Why wouldn’t he leave her alone? why was she stuck in his web of evil and manipulation? Why? Why? Why? She pulled the trigger.

Damien sat, he saw the light, the bright light of his star, his beautiful star, his wonderful star. The light warmed him, the loving kiss of beloved radiant star. In the darkness it was a ball of light, above him, looking down upon him, glowing there, warming him, protecting him from the darkness that surrounded his home.

“You’re thinking about her” The voice projecting, like that of a child’s, a young boys voice, no older than six, it spoke out softly from that ball of light, that sphere no larger than a tennis ball, hovering over his head.

“Yes” Damien answered reaching a hand up, looking up at the star as it slowly descended into his palm.

“She doesn’t want you around her” the star spoke. “She doesn’t want it. Why can’t you see?”

“I do. I just don’t want to believe it” Damien answered.

“At least you have me” The star says, its voice a near laughter of pure glee.

“Yeah. I love you star” he says with a smile as he looked to his star. He sat there and allowed the light to wash over him. Bringing him back to his time, when he and the star first met. After his time with Laura had faded, after the break up maybe a month or so following the incident with the gun. He lived in an old hotel, he didn’t want to take the house from her, she needed a place to stay, and in all honesty, he wanted to punish her by making her pay for the entire apartment by herself from now on. He was outside in the parking lot smoking a cigarette, he was looking up at the sky, watching the stars sparkle in the sky, little white lights, blinking, looking down at him, mocking him, pitying him, hating him because he was pathetic, because he loved a woman and was not good enough for her. Because even now he could not let her go. But one, one tiny one, looked to him and saw, a savior, a partner, a future friend. The star came down, falling quickly, in a flash of light it fell upon him, landing in his lap as he sat upon the hood of his car. It happened so quickly Damien hadn’t realized it for a few moments, he just sat there until his mind registered the moment slowly compared to the speed that the star travelled to him. He looked down to the little thing with a start, crying out in fear as the thing levitated to face level. And it said: “I am your star” and Damien just looked at it. The thing explained what happened to it as the night went on. Damien slowly coming to terms with the new development, be it the alcohol he had consumed or perhaps just curiosity, he just got used to it as they talked.

The star was from another galaxy where all of the light has begun to fade, all of the planets have frozen and died as all of the stars were torn from existence: “Belhallit the Devourer” was the name of the being that ripped his kind from existence. There were no suns, no stars, no masses of pure energy young or old. Its family, its friends all gone as the Devourer trailed across the universe consuming all stars in its path. The star had been one of the few who survived, he travelled the universe, terrified and alone. He saw worlds die and time stop, he saw apocalypses and the end of time, over and over again as he travelled through all of existence. And he spoke with a God who granted him the power of a soul that he could tie to another. This God would grant this other half of its soul any wish that he wanted, and in turn he could also give this other half of his soul enough power to destroy the Devourer as repayment for this wish being granted, and then his soul would be given to the God as repayment for it all.

Over the years, the star and Damien got close, they travelled the world, they laughed and enjoyed one another to no end. Star missed having someone to love and Damien felt the same about the star. He felt that the star healed his soul after the pain that Laura caused him, and even after they got back together the happiness that the star gave him was the only thing that reminded him that what happened in the past was the past, and that he had chosen to forgive her, it was the only thing that kept him from ever painting her in the dark stigma of her past infidelities, they had both done wrong and so he believed they should both move on. But although he felt that way, although he took this second chance with a mode of optimism, his actions would only end darkly as he would soon find out.

He received the call the next morning as the sun broke through the sky. Janet, Laura’s mother called him, her minds panic projecting through her voice, as she screamed out in sorrow: “LAURA’S GONE!!!!!!!”.

He needn’t a moment to fully break free of the fog of sleep for his mind registered the words near instantaneously and it roused him to life. He jumped from his bed, out the door, throwing a jacket, jeans shorts and just some sandals, he didn’t even brush his teeth. He simply rushed from the door, forgetting his keys as he just rushed from the house sprinted full speed to the hospital. The hospital was only about 5 miles from where he lived currently. He wasn’t a runner, but it was doable and his mind was in such in such a panic that he could barely feel the pain, not until he stopped running. His mind was focused on Laura, His every thought was about Laura, He just needed to get to Laura, he Just needed to see Laura. What happened? Why would she do this to herself? If she wasn’t happy why didn’t she tell him? He knew that she was forcing herself to be with him, but…..he didn’t know it had gotten so bad, how could he have been so idiotic, so blind!

She was pronounced dead at the scene, the back of her skull had been blown from her head, the reports says the apartment was a mess of brain and blood. HE couldn’t even imagine the horror, what had driven her to this act. He found himself just sitting there, in the parking lot of the hospital that night. Laura’s mother had gone home with the rest of her family. He was rather close with them but……he couldn’t be around them. It seemed like they understood. He needed to be alone. To contemplate….everything. Had she really needed to be away from him that badly? Was he that terrible of a person? Was he so difficult be around that? He only wanted to make her happy, to rebuild what had been broken so long ago, but now……now it was no more.

“I….am…..SOOOOOO sorry” he sobbed as the sky cried along side him, letting loose a rain so powerful that he felt as if he would drown in it. He could see nothing save for the billions of falling rain drops, leaping from up high, falling to their death at his feet. They made an imperceptible wall before him as he let them splatter and drench his body with their own.

“Damien” the star called to him, appearing above his head, its light acting as a shield from the rain above. “Damien….are you……?” the star felt his sorrow, he could see into his mind, their souls were connected, The star could feel what he felt and he could feel the stars soul as well.

“I……” Damien couldn’t get it out, he could feel the stars fear, he could feel the anguish in its souls it predicted what he would ask for next…..as it felt their time together coming to an end.

“……Damien……she’s gone” the star said, its voice begging him through its tone though it did not beg him verbally. It wanted to.

“It’s…..my fault star”

“Damien you didn’t do anything” the star cried out. “She did it herself! You didn’t pull the trigger –“

“I scared her star!” Damien screamed to the star “I’m the one the trapped her. I’m the one that made her feel like this was her only way out”

“Damien…..please” the star began to finally plead.

“I wish…..”

“Damien…….” The star began

“……To bring her back”

“Damien think about this!!!!” the star screamed to him, its rage manifesting in an explosion of great white brilliance.

“Star” Damien simply said softly. He put his hand out placing his hand underneath the star.

“Please” he smiled to the ball of energy. “….Lets go save the stars”

“I love you Damien” the star said

“I love you too Star” with that a bright white light erupted over the area a blinding white radiance coloring all of existence in a pure white tint. Peerless to the sight it overtook all that ever was. And then it faded leaving nothing but a background of sepia tint, like a photograph, or a dark canvas sketch with pencil drawings of buildings and people and trees all walking along, their movement awkward and choppy as if in a flip book animation. The wind blew black and white pencil sketched leaves through out the world as a young woman stood and let her skirt be blow slightly by the breeze.

“Hello” A voice called through the universe, his voice breaking through this pencil drawing existence. Pencil thin lines, drawn perfectly, professionally as if by a the hand of a master artist, and then he appeared. A square body where the angles just don’t seem to connect together correctly on any sides, a large circle head attached at the top, hands simple thin lines, drawn crooked, one side not aligning correctly with the opposite one. Three tiny lines acting as the fingers. The legs long pencil sketched lines. A little square top hat on top of things head completed the picture. His yes to tiny circles inside of the circle that was his head, the mouth a small thing rectangle with little lines cut inside to show the things teeth. It smiled, it movement jerky and awkward as if the smile went from none existent to existent in an instant.

“What –?” Damien began yet the thing answered him before he could finish.

“I have far too many names and yet as long as I have lived Ive never had one. So you may call me Sketchbook and that will be my name for you” the drawing man answered him, his voice it sounded like Laura’s or rather that was how his brain registered it, the tone switching in and out, fading from the voice of the star to the voice of Damien moment after moment.

“You have wished to the lonely star, to have you lover back” sketchbook began “He hath bestowed upon you true power, to do battle with the Devourer of stars. To avenge his people. Defeated him and you shall have the woman’s soul once again. But you shall not exist where she exists, and you shall never see the star again”.

“I understand” Damien blurted it out, he didn’t want a chance to think, to reconsider. He just needed to do this, he needed to save Laura.

“As you wish, I shalt give you a power never held by any mortal being before and shall wield it to destroy the Devourer and as a price –“

“My soul” Damien said, his voice now soft as his mind began to waiver. But it didn’t matter.

“It is done” Sketchbook’s voice echoed within Damiens mind.

Around his were stars, beauty speckled about a canvas pure dark, there was everything that was existence, and there was everything before. He could see all at once for time was not a factor and yet in doing so he saw nothing save for an explosion of everything all at once, moment of before and after and now all hitting together from every time in every space in every galaxy in every universe all falling down upon him in a matter of what would normally be perceived as a millisecond. It all happened at all times, he saw nothing but everything and within the midst of everything he saw, moving separately from the sea of all things, stars. Little stars, his star’s stars, his star’s people The all sat there, brighter than any star he had ever seen hitherto. And within the expanse of the stars and all things he saw The Devourer. He could hear all things at once calling out as a constant hum and amidst the hum her could hear the Devourers call. It was great beast, shinning a bright radiant silver, a blinding light that shinned brighter than the brightest sun. He saw it as all things, and yet its form was most resembling  a great serpent, Its wings spread wide, revealing a backdrop of blackness and stars, shining brightly throughout all of existence. Its claw large, wielding entire galaxies within it grasp, Its great maw let out a wave of pure light that spread throughout an entire universe erupting in a great blast of stars and energy causing a black hole to tear open and devour a billions stars in an instant from 3 million universes all at once. The beasts tail carried upon it 8 trillion dimensions from 5 million universe all colliding at once as a blackhole grew wider and wider in the midst of the tip of its tail.

The beast looked to Damien and within Damiens head it spoke: “Tis the realm, Tis me, Tis not the God you seek” its voice burst a billion suns and ended 3 entire universes in one instant and Damien waved his hand stopping the destruction of a 4th with a thought.

“Tis a God come to kill me, though I art the brother of Agolath the Mighty”  the beast spoke and again 8 universes ended and Damien waved his hand stopping the destruction of a 9th.  

“burden not you heart for me, Thou art a Gods pawn sent indeed” the beast spoke and Damien cried.

“Enough!!!!!” his voice echoing throughout all time and space all at once voice shook planets, created new worlds, ended old  dimension, collapsing entire suns and destroying entire solar systems. Entire species were wiped from existence in every universe all at once. “I have to kill you” Damien cried out with all of the power that a God bestowed upon him. His cry reverberating throughout all of entirety, spreading out as planets, died, universes collapsed in upon themselves, time and space all quivering at his voice.

“Stop this foolish child” The Devourer cried out, reaching for him with his claws outstretched wide. Damien reached a hand out to the beast stopping his claw, the collison bursting a billion suns engulfing the entirety of all existence in a darkness that threatened all life in all realms, in all universes everywhere. The Devourer cried out, opening his great maw, letting loose a blast of light, the singed the very fabric of reality itself. As the blast moved, more suns died, more planets burned more of existence died off. Gods cried out everywhere as their own wars ceased, as they looked to these creatures in amazement and rage as they bridged the gap to all of existence. As their own battel toppled the very war that was supposed to toppled of of existence. Where the Grandmother of all Gods and the ender of all of existence battled for the fate of existence before and existence now. These two beings transcended their own existence, tearig through the very fabric of all realities in all times, in all places all at once. Agoloath, Efavore, Te-shcheridan, Sheeran Kall, the Gods that changed reality itself all called out in wonder as these two collided with one movement and obliterated all of existence.

A Great light thrust forth through the fabric of the god of all things and the nothingness causing the fabric of reality to quake and cry out as a wave of existence washed over the destruction destroying time and space all at once. Yet they still stood, they stood and they battled in the midst of the nothingness, in the very center of the light of which they were the source, they battled. With the voices, with the fists, with blasts of lights and supernovas, that battled. One for his survival and the other for the survival of a simple mortal girl. They battled beyond time and space and beyond all of existence. Both mortal beings who transcended all Gods in all realms in all places in all existence. Their battle was timeless, it was ageless and when it ended, reality began again. As Damien and the Devourer fought they came to an understanding, the realized it, they peered into the depth of the Gods as they saw that the Gods were looking upon their battle and they realized. They too were gods, they too stood with those that created. They need not fight. They need not live like this. The Devourer need not eat, Damien need not love. They would create their own realm, they would be of their own being and be their own Gods. Damien no longer needed his mortal soul, he offered his mortal self to Sketchbook, separating himself from the God, as the God and the Devourer vanished one atop the other back, they left this plain of reality to give birth to their own.

Damien now lay there within the light of Sketchbooks existence. His reality was no more and within the light he could see her, he could see Laura, her soul in the vastness of the universe as it restored itself once again: “Was I worth it” she said to him as he lay there looking to her spirit as it began to fade back into existence. “Was I everything you hoped, do you truly love me? Do you truly care?”

“I love you Laura” Damien said her as she faded away and she simply shook her head, tears falling from her face as she smiled.

“I’m sorry Damien” she said as she turned to begin her life anew, in an existence without Damien. In a happier lifetime.

Damien now lay there, in the afterlife, an eternal sleep. He could see time pass by, and life pass by, history repeating and ending over and over again. Time was not there, yet mortal minds must comprehend existence in such a way that they are moving forward. He could see that now. How pointless it all seemed from up here, yet how insignificant putting a significance on it all truly was. Nothing was significant not even the gods. Not the soul, not the afterlife, it was all so meaningless. Yet the insignificance was what made it significant to him, to the Gods. It mattered to them, to us. We notice that it all must end, that it is all beautiful. Like a writer writing a story, we love it, like a lover, an ex-lover, a friend and family. No one is evil, no one is wrong, it is simply perception, mistakes, miscommunication and the teachings of the past.

Damien, lay there until the light fell upon him, he could feel it, the light of his star, his beloved star shinning down upon him. His beloved lonely star looking down upon him from the realm of non-existence: “Was it worth it?” the star began as the realm lit up with its light. He could feel his skin begin to burn at the light of his star as the memories of before, of which he just recollected began to end and he could once again feel the bliss of his little lonely stars love.

“Did you find your family Star?” Damien ask it and the star descended down upon his palm as he reached his hand up to it. The little sphere of light the size of a tennis ball.

“I made my wish”” the star said with joy within its voice. “and I found you”

“what about the other stars?” Damien said, he didn’t want the star to be alone anymore.

“They are safe, but I didn’t want you to be alone” the star said.

Damien looked to the star as the star hovered in his hand, shinning a bright white radiance that engulfed all of existence, That gave life to an entire galaxy of stars that shinned the same radiance, and at the center, was them, surrounded by stars, and planets and a new universe.

“Sketchbook –“ Damien began to say, but the star simply shined brighter, cutting him off as new life began in this universe where they shinned as the brightest star around.

© Copyright 2019 Kossettes Novellettes Romantic. All rights reserved.

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