Happiness - The IDGF Theory

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic

This book is only a beginning of a lengthy journey to a spiritual growth.

It is is a book which will not tell you how to live your life.

It is a book which will make you contemplate things, though.

It was written from a young girl's perspective who was going through a spiritual rite of passage.

Submitted: June 29, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: June 29, 2018










Elaborated by: Re



Introduction & Dedication

Every book has its inspirations. So does this one.

My inspiration lies in all of you people who are not afraid to be who you really are. Times have come in which people are expected to be conformists without a choice of trying to step away from the usual pattern. Today, it takes a courageous person to be who they truly want to be because there are so many restrictions nowadays. Why are there are so many restrictions, when people are supposed to be free? Fear is everywhere and we are intimidated by everything. What bothers me is that all those fears originate out of the fear of social rejection.

Why are we so afraid of other people? As a matter of fact, who are those “other” people? We are all a part of the same race. Obviously, not every person is the same physically or psychically conditioned, but in a nutshell we are all the same. Our interests and life philosophies differentiate, but the feelings of anxiety and fear are the same for all of us.

In my opinion, bad feelings should not be hidden. Let it all out and face everything you are afraid facing. I do not know who set that unspoken rule that being hurt makes you weak. I do not know who set that ridiculous opinion that anyone who is different than us is the weird one. Who are we to say that someone is ill just because they chose a different life pattern than us? Who are we to say that our pattern is the best for everyone else?

To tell you the truth, I just recently started openly conversing with people after 20 years of surviving life under my “emotionless human being” mask. By talking to other people about subjects deeper than “oh, look at the weather today” I have realized that many people wear those masks and many of them feel terrible inside. Many of us smiled through the whole day just to get home to tuck ourselves into our covers and cry. The worst part is that often we did not even know why we would cry. Well, now I am beginning to understand the reason behind those tears.

Usual life patterns do not fit us. The truth is, they do not really have to. For example, I am a 21 year old girl and it is weird to most of the people that I say that I never did “fall in love”, well at least not by their means. My explanation for that statement is that love is not to be fallen into which is what today’s pattern of life shows us. Love should lift us up – and it does not even have to be found in another person. Love can be found anywhere: in TV shows, movies, drinks, food, friends, family, on the streets or just by lying in your bed and contemplating life. All we got to do is get out of our comfort zone: risk, take chances, do whatever makes us happy- as weird as we think that is- and everything will turn out just fine.

Evidently, this is not another book about self-help. This is a book of psychical development – because you cannot expect of yourself to feel happy if you do not yet understand what it means to just be alive and really feel happy for no particular reason, but the mere fact of being alive.

I would like to introduce you to the things which helped me develop as a person myself. Hopefully, this will help your personal self-development with its progress.  So, finally, let us begin.




n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.


What is a better way to enter the vividness of life than to learn a presumably new word which actually carries the meaning of what we are trying to understand? Well, as confusing as this sentence was, this term –to sonder- is a term which is easily understood. On the other hand, the feeling of sonder is not as easy to perceive.

I remember that, before I started taking interest in my psychical development, I was quite ignorant and vain. Never have I thought about another human being. I often thought that the world revolved around me, me and me alone. Presumably, we all either had or still have this state of mind. To be honest, life is much easier when you are not aware of things. I assume you wonder why we would want to know about the things when all they do is make us feel worse. Honestly, even now when I feel good 90% of the time, there is still those 10% which make me wonder. At those times, I try to go back to where I was – not being aware of anything, but the lovely lies. Then again, eventually I realize that I cannot imagine myself anywhere but here. If someone gave me an opportunity to go back to the times of ignorance, I would soundly deny. I understand that life would be easier if we would just remained protected from the real world. Many people stay like that through their whole lives. But be honest now: do you really think that they are truly happier than you are? Even in your saddest moments, you are the blessed one because you are able to feel real feelings. Ignorance is not bliss – you are. 

The only problem with the awareness of the sondering is the fact that our lives are perfect in theory only. People who understand sondering are dreamers. We know what exists out there and we hope that one day we will get to experience the fullness of it. Mostly, we either do not have the opportunity to experience it or, even when we do, we deny it due to our own insecurities. The problem with being aware is that sometimes you become too aware and you forget to let yourself go. Yes, you might be a passerby only in someone’s life, but that is not all you can be. Be aware that you do not have to be everything in everyone’s lives – but let yourself be something in someone’s. :]




After realizing that there is so much to life than you were aware of five minutes ago and that there is even more to discover, it is logical to turn to a philosophical side of life, right? Seriously, where can we find out more theories and thought-provoking material, if not in philosophy?

A few months ago, I started developing my own philosophical thoughts about life and my personal perception of myself. What helped me to come to terms with my new discovered treats were the movies I was recommended to watch. The first movie which I was amazed with was a documentary named “Waking Life”. The movie conceptualizes a various number of topics related to life and its perceiving by a number of different people. If you are interested in making your life more interesting, I would highly recommend you to watch the movie. It will definitely make you think. In my case, “Waking Life” actually put my thoughts, for which I did not know other people share, in words. It was quite relaxing for me at the time to know that there are people who are similar to me because, as long as we all insist on our individualism, there is always a feeling of warmness when we encounter people who perceive the world in our manner.

Next, I started reading interesting books. Sometimes, I enjoy just relaxing and immersing myself into a love novel or a simple comedy. On the other days, I explore the complexity of life - and it becomes more and more beautiful with every word read. Lately, I have been reading Bukowski. God, that man was something. He was an ass, so to say, but he was the nicest-smelling ass I have ever heard of.

Anyways, after discovering that there are some interesting things in life besides the usual ones the society wants us to take interest in, my life started feeling much more worthy and I started feeling much happier. If I spent 20 years in ignorance thinking I knew everything, is it really surprising that now, after starting to discover all of these wonderful things, I cannot wait to see what I will discover next? We cannot think we have already found out everything there is to be found. Have faith in trivialities and one day you will realize that sometimes the smallest things can carry the greatest meanings.

For the sake of having a certain philosophical guidance in your life, I would recommend you to “like” a couple of spiritual pages on Facebook. I liked a dozen of those and every day I find at least one wonderful saying on my Home page which makes my heart warm, so to say. It is not easy to stay positive, especially if you do not have the right support in your life. Sometimes, you are the one who has to remind yourself not to forget the good sides of life and doing that does not lessen your feeling of content. Determine your own feelings because you are the one who knows you best.


On one hand, everyone knows what emotions are. On the other, no one does.

Before I start to share my own opinion about this specific topic, I would like to quote you a part of the script of one of my, evidently, favorite philosophical movies – the previously mentioned “Waking Life”:




What is, like, frustration? Or what is anger or love? When I say "love," the sound comes out of my mouth and it hits the other person's ear, travels through this Byzantine conduit in their brain, you know, through their memories of love or lack of love, and they register what I'm saying and they say yes, they understand. But how do I know they understand? Because words are inert. They're just symbols. They're dead, you know? And so much of our experience is intangible. So much of what we perceive cannot be expressed. It's unspeakable. And yet, you know, when we communicate with one another, and we feel that we've connected, and we think that we're understood, I think we have a feeling of almost spiritual communion. And that feeling might be transient, but I think it's what we live for.


I, personally, am amazed by this explanation of human emotions. Presumably, most of us consider ourselves emotionally supra-developed. Once we put this fact into the process of exploring, I am sure that we will all realize that we are not as emotionally omnipotent as we think we are. The truth is that the halves of unpleasant emotions we felt, and caused other people to feel, are caused by unintentional misunderstandings. It is not a bad thing that we realized our own ignorance to other people’s thoughts. Quite contrary, by realizing that we might not entirely understand the message someone we care about tries to convey, we can dedicate our full attention to them and try to learn their emotions.

Not every emotion plays the same role in every human being and everyone feels different things. Basically, those things can probably be put under the same category and be defined as “the same” - but two emotions, even if they carry the same name, are never the same. Personally, I think that we feel the “same” emotion toward different people in a different manner. The emotion of “love”, for example, cannot be exactly defined because people fail to understand that it comes in many forms. Romantic love – the kind most people are quite interested in – is not just one kind of love we feel toward everyone we fall in love with. Every time we fall in love, we experience a different love, a different feeling.

Why do I claim so? According to the previously quoted theory, it seems that the different feelings happen because of the different experiences individuals had during their lives - which leads to the conclusion that two individuals have not experienced the exact same love, except for the new kind of love they share among each other.

Nevertheless, related to the topic of conveying emotions, one of the biggest mistakes we make is trying to transmit every little feeling we feel into words. Words cannot ever describe our exact feelings. They do not have to. Have you heard about cardinal numbers in phonology? They are materially non-producible, but we still use them to describe the characteristics of imperfect sounds we are able to produce. The term “love”, or any emotional term of that matter, should be understood as a cardinal term. By saying “I love you” we know that the person we say it to is able to, essentially, understand what we want to say – that should be enough for us.

What we got to do is relax, hug, kiss and smile – and, eventually, we will be understood as much as we need to be.




And what is it that we really need?

It is quite obvious that we need air in order to survive, alongside many other physical processes needed for the proper functioning of our bodies. What is it, though, that we psychically yearn for? What is that thing that makes our soul shine? Well, that is for me to ask and you to find out.

Do you ever feel like there is something missing in your life? You cannot exactly figure out what that something is – but you know that there is “something”. You start to obsess over that “something” and suddenly you find yourself caught in a wind whirl of unattainable “somethings” you NEED to achieve in order to be happy. Be realistic now – you do not need any of those things.

Society says that we need so many “somethings”: money, husband, wife, children, nice clothes, expensive cars, friends, dogs, cats, rats – everything there is to be obtained, the more the merrier! I do not need half of those and no mouth will put those thoughts in my head. All I need is a good book and a cup of tea. Not all the time, though. Quite often, I need to have some fun. I need to go out, have a drink or two or ten with my friends and just to exploit everything life has to give me. Society might find some wrongs in my doings, but I do not, and that is all that matters – welcome to the essentials of the IDGF theory.

What we need to do is to do what we want to do.  Once we figure this out, the hard part is to decide what is it that we want to do. Try out everything you ever wished to experience. Fulfill your needs with no fears or hesitations. Never regret and always be aware that, no matter what you did, it is okay if it served the higher cause for your mind. I do not want to sound all “Machiavellish” here, but sometimes the end does justify the means.

In the process of becoming straight with yourself and your thoughts, sometimes you are ought to unintentionally hurt other people. You got to find a way to accept that sometimes you make mistakes and there is no way to delete the events in your life which led you to committing those.  Yes, some things are just wrong of you to do, but you cannot spend your whole life being angry at yourself. Instead, try not to make the same mistake twice. Actually, we all make the same mistakes for the second time because we somehow hope that maybe if we do it one more time we will realize that it actually was not a mistake the first time around. So, I correct myself, do not do it for the third time because it will become the same thing as it was the first and second time it happened – a mistake.

So, what we are supposed to do is to find a balance between the things we want to do and the things which are right to do and realize that there is no such thing as a thing which we need to do.  Sometimes, even, the wrong thing to do is the right thing to do. Yes, I realize how egotistic that sounds, but sometimes, our soul deserves it. World is such a place that we do not always get what we want. Get what you can get in those situations and keep your head up. Usually, it is not worth to suffer in someone else's place. Sometimes people might get hurt and you might be the cause of that.

Be happy for a moment or avoid it – the choice is yours. 

Self-Confidence, Arrogance?


There is a thin line between the two. Actually, these two terms might even be the same terms observed from different point of views.

The statement I made in previous chapter sounds horrible, even to me. The truth is some things are just terrible when put in words. Sometimes, you just got to feel it. Once you start feeling it, I am sure you will justify your actions as much as I justify mines.

Is there a line which needs to be drawn when it comes to achieving one’s true happiness?

If there is one, then where do we draw it?

It is widely known that every generation of human beings consists of 90+ percent of unhappy people. Often, the unhappiness is put upon themselves by themselves and their own narrow minds. My mind used to be narrow at one point, too – so I am not trying to put down anyone by adding them these seemingly insulting attributes. What I want to say is that not everyone is open to developing and not everyone is supporting of people who have decided to broaden their horizons. Naturally, not everyone is of an understanding nature. What you need to do is to allow yourself to be arrogant. It is quite alright not to let yourself be put down by people who do not share your brain cells and experiences.

On the bright side, life can mostly be made up of positive things – as long as you choose to concentrate of those. Life is what you make out of it. Your choices make up your life. Call it arrogance, call it self-confidence – call it whatever you want, but decide which one is it that you want it to be because even if you decide to call the glass half-empty, it will always be half-empty and half-full. However, people will only see what you announce to have seen.



Finally, I hope that we have managed to find some order out of this meadow of jumbled thoughts. I wish I could give you more, but every person has it temporary limitations. With time, my limitations will vanish – and so will yours.

I hope that you understand that life is a wonderful adventure to be lived. There are so many interesting people to meet, places to see and things to discover. Every day we learn more about ourselves. The key to happiness is to accept everything that makes us happy. The biggest problem is our mind and that little voice which always decide to scream when it is not supposed to. That little voice will find its peace. Do not fight it, embrace is and teach it the beauty of life.

Do not ever consider yourself unworthy of anything. Be afraid, but do not let the fear control you. Trust in your thoughts and understand that the person who you want to be is a person you really are.

Do not worry, relax, breath, live and be alive.

Believe in your choices…

Believe in you!



…and have a frickin’ good luck with that.






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